- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Ok so obviously the answer to what you're going through doesn't lie in dressing up and trying to convince yourself that you like men. Let's just pretend that travesty of a comment never happened ? I'm wondering whether those unwanted romantic feelings in your teen years had the same quality to them as the other intrusive sexual thoughts? I'm not sure whether this is/has been an OCD theme for you or if there has just been some resistance to natural feelings. It's also possible to be gay and develop an OCD about being gay because you have reasons in your life for not wanting it (fears of judgement, of being an outcast, of discrimination etc). It's ALSO possible for it to be a bit of both. You describe 'unwanted gay thoughts' which you tried to keep away, and that could be OCD, could be what I've described. Why were you trying to keep them away? Were they very upsetting? I'm curious really... Whether the unwanted romantic feelings seemed to come out of anxiety and analysis (fear that you have romantic feelings, obsessing about the possibility and intense anxiety about the prospect of it being true romantic feelings, checking your responses to your friends to spot anything sexual, etc). As opposed to being crushes which you felt ashamed of or that they were an inconvenience. At the end of the day, though, regardless of your sexuality and what it might be, if you have OCD symptoms (do you feel that you do?) then it's worth addressing and treating those. After that, perhaps you could try something like ACT? Deciding that you'll accept yourself and act on your desires and values going forwards whatever they might be, without needing labels, that you'll do whatever fulfills you and makes you happy rather than what you feel you ought to do.
- Date posted
- 5y
∆∆∆∆i agree with everything scoggy said. I'd try to be "relaxed curious" about the experiences instead of "urgent need to know right now"
- Date posted
- 5y
definitely in the past (and still) they are unwanted thoughts that i feel really bad about. my family is extremely religious and anti-lgbtq. i’m religious as well and these sexual thoughts conflict with my faith. i am afraid that i really am gay and that my family will disown me and shame me all because of my thoughts (even if i don’t act on them). currently, the most pressing thing is that i am conditioned to think theyre “bad” and so i feel really secretive and sneaky and dirty for even thinking them. and it causes me a lot of distress and none of my usual compulsions seem to help them go away.
- Date posted
- 5y
@mb123 The stigmatization and homophobia clearly give OCD some extra grist for the worry mill. It may be a reasonable precaution to not disclose the thoughts to your family- not because the thoughts are meaningful, but because it is likely your family will misunderstand and think they are meaningful
- Date posted
- 5y
Im really scared this is going to happen to me not that theres anything wrong with being gay
- Date posted
- 5y
Keeping in mind the future of your happiness may depend on it, you might want to devise a test. I recommend going to a pubic place with high foot traffic and people-watching to try and identify a type you may like. Sort of initiating yourself into liking men. Do it with a pro-lgbt woman or gay man in your life if you want support. Before you go, you're going to want to groom yourself and practice self-care. Non-greasy food eaten, water drank, facial hair trimmed, maybe a haircut or eyebrow trim. Just putting positive energy into yourself gives you confidence to be yourself, plus looking yourself in the face os nice when you have a lot on your mind
- Date posted
- 5y
Mb123 please ignore everything about the comment I'm replying on.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 18w
I started having intrusive thoughts about my sexuality when I got into a relationship with my ex and I wondered if it would seemingly go away but it hasn’t and I find myself ruminating about it constantly especially before or during my period. Has anyone else felt with this?
- Date posted
- 14w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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