- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Ok so obviously the answer to what you're going through doesn't lie in dressing up and trying to convince yourself that you like men. Let's just pretend that travesty of a comment never happened ? I'm wondering whether those unwanted romantic feelings in your teen years had the same quality to them as the other intrusive sexual thoughts? I'm not sure whether this is/has been an OCD theme for you or if there has just been some resistance to natural feelings. It's also possible to be gay and develop an OCD about being gay because you have reasons in your life for not wanting it (fears of judgement, of being an outcast, of discrimination etc). It's ALSO possible for it to be a bit of both. You describe 'unwanted gay thoughts' which you tried to keep away, and that could be OCD, could be what I've described. Why were you trying to keep them away? Were they very upsetting? I'm curious really... Whether the unwanted romantic feelings seemed to come out of anxiety and analysis (fear that you have romantic feelings, obsessing about the possibility and intense anxiety about the prospect of it being true romantic feelings, checking your responses to your friends to spot anything sexual, etc). As opposed to being crushes which you felt ashamed of or that they were an inconvenience. At the end of the day, though, regardless of your sexuality and what it might be, if you have OCD symptoms (do you feel that you do?) then it's worth addressing and treating those. After that, perhaps you could try something like ACT? Deciding that you'll accept yourself and act on your desires and values going forwards whatever they might be, without needing labels, that you'll do whatever fulfills you and makes you happy rather than what you feel you ought to do.
- Date posted
- 5y
∆∆∆∆i agree with everything scoggy said. I'd try to be "relaxed curious" about the experiences instead of "urgent need to know right now"
- Date posted
- 5y
definitely in the past (and still) they are unwanted thoughts that i feel really bad about. my family is extremely religious and anti-lgbtq. i’m religious as well and these sexual thoughts conflict with my faith. i am afraid that i really am gay and that my family will disown me and shame me all because of my thoughts (even if i don’t act on them). currently, the most pressing thing is that i am conditioned to think theyre “bad” and so i feel really secretive and sneaky and dirty for even thinking them. and it causes me a lot of distress and none of my usual compulsions seem to help them go away.
- Date posted
- 5y
@mb123 The stigmatization and homophobia clearly give OCD some extra grist for the worry mill. It may be a reasonable precaution to not disclose the thoughts to your family- not because the thoughts are meaningful, but because it is likely your family will misunderstand and think they are meaningful
- Date posted
- 5y
Im really scared this is going to happen to me not that theres anything wrong with being gay
- Date posted
- 5y
Keeping in mind the future of your happiness may depend on it, you might want to devise a test. I recommend going to a pubic place with high foot traffic and people-watching to try and identify a type you may like. Sort of initiating yourself into liking men. Do it with a pro-lgbt woman or gay man in your life if you want support. Before you go, you're going to want to groom yourself and practice self-care. Non-greasy food eaten, water drank, facial hair trimmed, maybe a haircut or eyebrow trim. Just putting positive energy into yourself gives you confidence to be yourself, plus looking yourself in the face os nice when you have a lot on your mind
- Date posted
- 5y
Mb123 please ignore everything about the comment I'm replying on.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
So pretty much I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life, I had no idea could’ve been symptom of OCD until maybe a year ago , I have this fear right now that I don’t actually love my fiancé and I’m not attracted to men. I am attracted to men. Let me be clear. I’m not attracted to females. I never have been and I never will be. But it’s one of the scariest thoughts I’ve ever had that I don’t actually care about the person that I would sacrifice anything for that I would do anything for. He’s pretty much the closest family that I have and I just wanna be with him for the rest of my life. A couple months ago was that I just didn’t care at all, and I didn’t have any feelings and everything that I felt was me being fake in that nothing was real. But I eventually got over that and the new thought is that I’m actually gay even though I know I’m not. And in the world we live in now where it’s be yourself be you if it comes across your mind. That’s the obvious truth. Be yourself… It’s kind of scary to think about. I just want it to leave me alone. I’m actually so scared that eventually I’ll believe it because some thoughts that I’ve learned were intrusive. I ended up starting to believe and it turned into a whole catastrophe for my life. I met this girl and she felt a certain way about her husband and then she told me that eventually I’ll feel that way and ever since then I just I haven’t gotten over this fear that I’m gonna end up feeling the same way she is. Also, I recently got over a few themes. I’m not ready to share, but I’m so proud that I got over those and I just I’m waiting for this one to leave me alone and it’s not and I’m starting to get really scared that it’s true and I don’t want it to be true. and just to be very clear I don’t care who you love what you love who you like what you identify as because you can in fact be yourself but this just doesn’t feel like me. I’m genuinely reaching out to try to get help for this because now it’s messing with our personal life. We’ve never argued so much in our entire relationship and now I realize that it’s mainly my fault because I’m detaching myself from all emotion just so that I can get over this thought I’m detaching myself from all intimacy and that’s even scarier because what if it’s not me detaching myself and it’s me just not being attracted that’s another thought I’ve hadI’ve gone all long enough so thanks.
- Date posted
- 16w
I had a bad rumination spiral yesterday and went to bed hoping I’d start over in the morning. I was wrong. I had dreams about liking women and not being attracted to men anymore and my entire body has been in a state of anxiety since. I genuinely feel like I’m gay and just need to accept it. I have this urge to accept it. Maybe if I do I’ll get some sort of relief because this feeling is awful. I feel like my brain is telling me that I’ll get relief if I just accept it and come out. The intrusive thoughts don’t even seem to be around sexual images anymore, just to come out.
- Date posted
- 15w
i had recently been triggered to have so-ocd. its been on my mind non-stop. (i am a heterosexual female) and my mind has been all over the place questioning if i have been in denial the entire time. ive always had people tell me they sort of got that vibe it it never really affected me until my own mother had her suspicions. so i would constantly get triggered un public around the same gender, while knowing my true sexuality. ive always been attracted to men but as of recently ive been having super bad anxiety to where i cannot eat or sleep and feel weak all the time. it was like that for a week or so. now im in the calm where i have been trying accept the uncertainty but it still isnt fair as im getting triggered. im a little worried because it feels like i have been lying to my parents the entire time although ive never had the desire to be with the same gender. and i keep getting intrusive thoguhts that make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. its all starting to affect my friendships as im constantly getting triggered with the intrusive thoguhts. i feel a little less anxious compared to how i was a couple days ago. im really scared on why im having these thoughts now when i have been having romantic feelings for a guy the past year or so. ive also been struggling with false attraction and loss attraction to men. it makes me feel uncertain of my life the entire time
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