Forgive the venting, super long post, unabashedly looking for empathy about this horrible disorder: I developed HOCD at 12, almost 13. I didn’t get treatment until 23 and I didn’t manage to quit that particular theme until I was 27. It ruined my life; I couldn’t look anyone in the eye until I was 19, I was overcome with graphic intrusive thoughts and obsessed all the time. I couldn’t touch anyone for 8 of the 10 years I had it without treatment and when I did touch people it was terrifying. The impact made me so anxious around sex and dating it robbed me almost completely of the ability to feel attraction, so I rarely tried dating. It ruined the only almost-relationship I’ve ever had, first because I couldn’t touch him and then I couldn’t look at him. After I got treatment I tried app dating, but because I didn’t fully embrace ERP it was a nightmare. It was like the light was on, but the lamp wasn’t plugged in—I so rarely found anyone attractive at all that I couldn’t date anyone. As we know, all of this happened to me because OCD knew dating was what I wanted more than anything else. Last summer, after grueling months of exposures, it worked—I beat HOCD. It stopped bothering me completely. I was free. My ability to feel attraction returned. I felt like I was alive. I told my two best friends, who had been there for me through all of it. I started developing feelings for a friend of a friend, encouraged by my best friend (relevant: also has OCD but isn’t treated for it). She told me initially that it sounded like I liked him, so I should go for it, and encouraged me when I talked to her about him. She has been there for me through the OCD discovery: I have told her things about it that I told only a handful of people, including how it impacted my sexuality. She was there for a lot of conversations about it and through the disastrous app dating experiences. But the guy I was into hit on my best friend. I tried to explain that I wouldn’t mind if she dated him at some point in the future but then I got really upset and tried to explain that it bothered me so much because of all the time I’d spent trying to feel anything like this, and that this feeling itself was the culmination of all that work, and I thought she understood that the feeling meant a lot to me and it would hurt if she dated him. But it turned out she had serious feelings for him and then she started dating him. To be clear, I didn’t think I deserved to date him because of what happened to me—I just thought she understood how I felt and how the disorder impacted me and she didn’t. It unraveled me. Sad and disappointed doesn’t cover it; I was so crushed and furious and miserable I didn’t recognize myself. None of my friends understood why I was so upset, and it turned out most of them valued her more than me. I ended up losing two really important friendships because our mutual best friend/my roommate—who I also confided in about my OCD—supported her. I’m not interested in who’s right or wrong or if she should have dated him or not. It wouldn’t have hurt nearly as much if he had dated someone else, but that the person I confided in about the worst aspect of my disorder dated the first person I was able to have uncomplicated feelings for in my life broke my heart. That she and my roommate will never understand the impact it had on me—that they think I overreacted and it ruined our friendships and why can’t I get over it so we can all hang out again—breaks my heart too. I don’t have a reason to post this story here except to hope someone on this app would empathize with how absolutely devastating it was to hear the people I trusted with how the various personal bullshit ways this disorder affected me so completely not understand. TLDR: after 15 years of HOCD making me so numb that I lost even the potential for any romantic or sexual experiences, I beat it. My best friend, who I told about how it impacted me, started dating the first person I had any feelings for that weren’t warped by HOCD. I got angry. My other best friend/roommate took her side. I am devastated. OCD sucks.

I’ve posted this under a comment before, but if anyone has the time to read it and maybe share their experience or tips with me, I would really appreciate it. This is just kind of the reason why Idk if I only have OCD or if I should get checked for BPD aswell as emotional dependency is (as far as I know) not a common symptom of OCD and neither are excessive changes in emotions/moods. I think the worst part my situation is that one of my biggest and most damaging if not destructive obsessions I developed earlier this year was this constant fear that my friend would lie to me about meeting up with a boy she liked (we are both girls and queer, she didn’t know that about me until recently, but I’ve known that she is and we both sort of crushed on each other). Not just lie, but do it behind my back, keep it a secret, and then maybe even end our friendship without saying anything. And the thing is... that basically happened. Two weeks ago she started acting strange one day out of nowhere, and then I found out (through another friend) that he was coming over to her place. We had already talked about this before, I had cried in front of her and confessed how much it hurt me. I know doing that probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but my emotions completely overwhelmed me in that moment. And even though nothing physical happened between them, it still felt like a betrayal. I’m not saying it was cheating, obviously not, we’re not in a relationship and it is unfair of me to try and tell her who or not to date, but it still hurts. Especially as weeks ago, we already had a detailed conversation about this. She told me she didn’t actually like him that much, and that if they were going to meet again, she’d be honest with me about it. But instead of being honest that day, she said nothing. Worse, she suddenly stopped talking to me, which made me think I had done something wrong so I completely lost my mind. She knows I’m emotionally dependent on her to some extent, so when she goes cold or distant, I spiral. And that day, I saw them talking and going quiet as I walked by, and then she literally turned to walk into a different direction. I don’t know why but it just crushed me. I thought she was mad at me, and I just felt like I was being shut out and lied to. And as I’ve mentioned, later that day, after eight hours of crying, another friend told me what really happened. She even drove me to her place so we could talk. We did talk, but since then, we haven’t had any contact. And it’s driving me absolutely insane. She told me it would be “people-pleasing” if she didn’t try to date him. And I know she’s kind of right, but she still lied to me. She didn’t care if that meant that she would throw away our friendship, or at least she treated it like it was worth less than a potential (!) relationship with a guy who, as far as I know, didn’t even respond when she told him she had feelings for him. It’s honestly devastating. I feel betrayed, discarded, and totally lost and I know I can’t even logically be mad at her as the reason she didn’t tell me is obvious and as a good friend I should just be happy for her, but my emotional side is so much stronger than my logic.

Hi everyone — just reaching out for a bit of support, perspective, and maybe some guidance. I was in a relationship with someone who had untreated ROCD, and I’m trying to process it all now that we’re apart. I’ve written my experience below, not to vent, but to better understand what happened and how to handle it with compassion (for both of us). I was in a relationship with someone who struggled deeply with OCD and ROCD, though they weren’t in treatment at the time. From the outside, things looked fine. But behind closed doors, I witnessed spirals, dissociation, identity shifts, panic, and emotional instability that few people ever saw. We both knew about the disorder. It wasn’t hidden. They even spoke about ROCD through awareness posts online. We knew what it was — we named it together — but knowing wasn’t enough to stop it. And unfortunately, the people around them didn’t fully understand OCD, ROCD, or just how powerful and persuasive this disorder can be. There was real love between us. Deep, honest, complicated love. And a connection that existed long before we ever became a couple — a connection I still believe in. But fear and doubt — the kind only OCD can generate — made everything feel unsafe. The anxiety got so loud that eventually, breaking up felt like the only option. Despite OCD or not, I’ve respected their decision and given them the space I know they needed and were entitled to. They shared a lot with me — things I won’t repeat here, because they’re theirs. But they were raw. Honest. Human. I was the one who sat through the “I don’t know” spirals. The doubts over feelings, attraction, and more. I was their rock — the one who understood. And they told me that, more than once. Now I’m sitting in the quiet. I’m seeing the avoidance play out: the nights out, the thriving energy, maybe even someone new. It’s hard — hard to witness such a visible shift in someone I was once so close to. But I’ve also seen the cracks. The internal conflict starting to show again. I know how this pattern works. I’ve lived it, too. The relief never lasts forever. Eventually, when it fades, the absence lingers longer. And when it does, OCD doesn’t stay silent for long — it latches onto the very things you tried to run from and reshapes itself. I know that if I reach out too soon — or say the wrong thing at the wrong time — I might push them even deeper into avoidance. Deeper into the version of themselves for now. So I’m careful. That’s why even this post is written with thought. Because I care. I really care. And in the meantime, I’m working on myself — even if part of me still wants to fight for something that felt real. But I also know I can’t fight alone. I’m not shutting the door — just stepping into another room for now. A room where I can grow and heal. But the door is still open. I’d appreciate any guidance or advice on how to approach this in the kindest, most thoughtful way — with as little hurt for either of us as possible. Thank you all so much and I wish all of you are keeping well. Lots of love ❤️

Hi I’ve never posted before but I need to talk with other people that have this too because it’s hard to explain to other people without ocd. I was in a relationship for awhile and we started dating before either of us knew I had ocd. Anyway I have a really bad episode of it that led me to go get on medication and got into therapy. My ocd can have some really taboo themes and thoughts which I have learned is just what comes with the illness. The problem though is when I was really struggling one of my compulsions was confessing and reassurance seeking specifically to the guy I was dating because I trusted him. We both knew at this point that I had ocd and it affected many parts of our relationship particularly our intimacy which he made me feel bad about. He started calling me crazy, just joking, but still. Eventually I start feeling better and we start being intimate again and the day after he breaks up with me. About a month later after I hear he went on a date with another girl (we live together) he tells me he couldn’t be intimate with me because of my intrusive thoughts. We still live together with 2 other roommates so I still see him everyday. We try to be cordial with each other. I still have my moments though I’m still dealing with my ocd and a breakup seemingly caused by it and I cry a lot. Some months go by and he’s dating this other girl and I end up making out with one of my other roommates. I have no idea if my ex knew but the next day when it was only me in the house he starts screaming “THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS” and starts slamming shit. I tell my roommate about this and he and I are both kind of scared of him. He started acting really cold to us after. Then the night before my graduation my two roommates moved out so it’s just me and my ex in the house. In the middle of the night he comes downstairs and in front of my door calls me a horrible name relating to my intrusive thoughts. I open the door and say fuck you and he says you took my fucking friends. I said I didn’t take shit from you and he says yeah and goes upstairs and screams BINGO for some reason. He did it in the middle of the night when we were alone and I had no one to talk to or go to. He blames me because a lot of our friends sided with me in the breakup because they knew what I was going through. He had told me that I could never speak if my intrusive thoughts to anyone including my therapist (I did don’t worry) but he had made me feel so ashamed more than I was already. Also the next day he left a mess for me to clean up since I was the last one to move out. I’m coming to terms with the fact that on top of this awful experience with ocd that I may have been emotionally abused as well.