Tf0498
- Date posted
- 5y
ItsOmarItsOmar
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, I too suffer from Suicidal/Existential OCD. It’s been almost 3 months for me and I still feel like I’m struggling. I haven’t started ERP yet but it’s been very hectic. What has your experience been like if you don’t mind me asking?
ItsOmarItsOmar
- Date posted
- 5y
Also I don’t think you can do ERP too intensely.
Tf0498Tf0498
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah I hear you. Mine started after watching a movie where the character killed himself. It was like instant fusion and got stuck. I thought I was losing it until I stumbled onto ocd. Took so many online tests, researched endlessly etc. to make sure there was no way I wanted to commit suicide. Even the word gave me so much anxiety. I saw a therapist who instantly said it was suicidal ocd a subset of harm ocd. The initial relief was amazing...it’s been tough and ERP is def needed to help you navigate what’s happening inside your mind. Unfortunately ocd attacks those core values that are most important, so I love living and that’s why I got stuck and scared. Still dealing with it and have my spikes, but now have no anxiety. You just basically want to allow the thoughts (crazy I know) to come in and not try to suppress or push them away. The end goal is to get the brain so bored of them that it’s just a thought that you pay no attention to anymore. Easier said than done, but this takes time and for me I thought I could beat it in 6 months and be through, but it’s tricky. Just realize your thoughts are just thoughts and attack the fear. It will get better, but some days will seem like you’re alone. You’re not!
ItsOmarItsOmar
- Date posted
- 5y
Well, I think mine started after I read an article about suicide and a tweet about suicide rates. After that, everything was a trigger and it was so difficult because I didn’t even know Suicidal OCD existed. After I found out that Suicidal OCD exists, I had this hour of happiness I hadn’t experienced in a long time but that faded after a while and the anxiety struck again. Unfortunately I’ve reached a point where I believe that I don’t want this life and that’s making me live in so much fear and terror because I’m afraid I’m really going to do it. After being told by two psychiatrists and countless people on NOCD and reddit that what I have is just OCD, I still can’t believe it because I feel this urge that I want to die and that everything is just pointless. Perhaps it could be my existential OCD talking but I don’t believe that because I’m really worried about being actually suicidal and I don’t know what to do anymore. I see that you’re certain about not wanting to die, which is great because I guess that makes you feel more sane. I honestly wish I could believe that my thoughts are just thoughts but it’s so difficult man. I hope it gets better because it’s been really difficult lately.
Tf0498Tf0498
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah I hear you and that happens but man honestly ocd is nicknamed the doubting disease for a reason. Trust me some days I go through similar questions. Just what if’s. I had the same triggers so don’t be too hard on yourself man. You can push through and become a better person. Have you done erp?
Tf0498Tf0498
- Date posted
- 5y
It will make you question everything, and make you feel utterly like the only person on the planet with this. Don’t worry you’re not. So many people have this theme. I’ve had many others, and honestly they’re all not fun.
ItsOmarItsOmar
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah dude, you’re right. I need to work on all of that. Unfortunately I haven’t done any ERP yet but will definitely do so in the future since I’ve been told by countless people that it’s a must.
Tf0498Tf0498
- Date posted
- 5y
Yup. I deal with it everyday but it’s gonna get better!
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