My hocd hasn’t been this bad in a while, I used to be able to ignore the thought, even though I knew I didn’t want it I was able to go along with my day without seeking much assurance. However for the past two days all I’ve been feeling is that it’s true and that I really am lesbian and that I’m only straight because of how I grew up, which I don’t want and I don’t think is true because all my crushes have been on boys and I have such a loving boyfriend that I’m so in love with and I don’t wanna let him go. I keep questioning why I enjoyed lesbian porn, why female moaning turns me on a little more than male moaning, why my friend and I experimented when we were really young (I was just around 7 and she introduced me to lesbian porn and we used to act it out sometimes & we’d always play king and queen and I’d always wanna be the queen but she never let me) <—— my tocd also uses that as proof... anyways, I’m so stuck, I’m struggling to see a normal straight life even though I want it so bad. I used to tell myself (I’m not homophobic so please no one take this the wrong way & am against the camp) that I would literally send myself to conversion camp if my thoughts are trying to display my truth and trying to tell me something. I feel like I’m living a lie. I hate this.

Anyone else will just be doing anything normal and I’m gay comes in? It’s so distressing and I try and say ok sure ocd but the anxiety over takes me and my mind won’t let me believe I’m straight when I am. I love men I’m Not attracted to women but when I ask myself the doubt is for sure there which sounds like Casebook ocd. I’m just sick of this I don’t want to have to laugh at things in my head that don’t make any sense it’s so hard and unfair

Ok so I’m a 17 year old female, and I’ve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I don’t want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, I’ve always liked men, but now I’m questioning whether or not that’s real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? I’m single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes I’m less sure, and I’ve never been particularly boy crazy. I’ve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say I’ve never found other guys attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I don’t want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I don’t know what’s going on every time I say I’m straight I feel like I’m lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesn’t feel like something I would want, but is that just because I don’t want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now