I'm really struggling to deal with this, any advice would be helpful honestly. I keep having this memory from several years ago when I saw a daddy kink video which had acting in it that made me uncomfortable. The actress had made several videos like this so she was 18+, so it was okay like that but it's just that the nature of it is disturbing. This never really bothered me before moral scrupulosity/pocd themes came into my life, before that I just pushed it off as another weird video Online catering to weird fetishes (porn is full of them). But now I feel like I have to ruminate on it, feel shame and guilt for ever coming across it because that acting had made me so uncomfortable. I keep trying to think if I turned it off immediately. I'm sure I did. But OCD keeps making me feel uncertain. This was literally when I was a young teenager (14/15 maybe 16? I'm not sure, but I was young). :(

I know you're probably right, it's not something to feel bad about as it's simply just fantasy/role play between consenting, above the age of consent adults. I guess when I remember her acting and what she was wearing, she was presented very innocent and it disturbed me. I used to have a mild daddy kink , by mild as in I fancied older men and didnt mind the phrase "daddy" being used but that's literally where it ended. Anything beyond that disturbed me, so I'm wondering why I would have clicked on that video to see? It was titled step-dad and daughter something... But from what I remember she had acted in several of those themed videos so she was an actual porn actress who did themes like that. So she was clearly okay with that kink and being presented in such an innocent way. Idk, now when I look back at it (with moral scrupulosity and having suffered with pocd) I see it in the lens of OCD. Not in the "well its it's just porn, not to my taste, abit weird but its it's just porn" lens. The latter is probably more normal since most of the world has watched porn and probably clicked on a video that they were not comfortable with and then clicked away, most of the world Would not dissect it 6/7 years later and ask them what it means about themselves? :/ See I can rationalise with it but it doesnt listen to me LOL.

Yes, I do. I feel that I'm seeking reassurance but I cant help but be disturbed by the memory. Even though it's not even clear, I cant remember it exactly as it was so long ago.

How do you think I can deal with this effectively? I feel like a bad, disgusting person. My brain is telling me no one else would have this experience and therefore I'm a very bad person and I'll have to live with this forever. :(

@MJocd What could you do to show your brain that the thought and feeling doesn't control your actions and day?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie So I focused on my assignment to get my mind off it but it keeps coming back, I'm just terrified this makes me a really disgusting person even though it was just a weird thing to click on and it's not like I wasn't disturbed by it (which is probably why I remember it from all those years ago). I am trying to watch one of my favourite TV shows now just to stop my head from ruminating.

@MJocd Instead of approaching activities as distraction to get your mind off the thoughts, try shifting to an attitude of "yes, I see you there thoughts, you can hang out in my head as long as you want, but I'm going to do my homework/watch TV/talk about something I enjoy anyway"

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Okay, you're right. I'll accept its there and just try and watch my show in peace. 11pm now, deffo heading to bed soon.