Do you remember your first intrusive thought?

Since you were 5?? Explain

@Carbon96 I think I was born with ocd I've had intrusive thoughts since I was really young

Would you care to share your story?

@Carbon96 Sure! This is how it all started. Keep in mind that as a child (and still now) I had a VERY guilty conscious and always wanted to do the right thing! So, I had this best friend, (I’ll call her S cause that was the first letter of her name). Me and S were driving in a car with her mom. Something happened, her mom got cut off or something and she got annoyed so she was like “oh F*** you!!!!” And in my little 8 year old head I was like ‘oh no that’s a bad word, now I feel guilty I heard a bad word!’ Even though I didn’t say it and it was out of my control, I felt guilty that I even HEARD it. I’d tell on myself a lot when I was little, so I told my mom that I heard S’s mom say that. My mom was very understanding, she didn’t get mad at me or her mom or anything and she reacted perfectly fine. But for some reason, right after I told my mom what S’s mom said I got an intrusive thought that said “F*** you mommy” and it really bothered me and I also had thoughts that said “F God”. Eventually it transformed into all different kinds of subtypes. It’s weird though cause the thoughts I have now and have had for YEARS don’t have anything to with that word. It’s a lot of magical thinking and what if thoughts and existential stuff. So yeah! But the thoughts I had when I was younger than 8 were just like having a very strong urge to say I love God or I thought something bad would happen and false feelings where I was extremely worried that I stopped liking my favorite stuffed animal even though I know I didn’t. Those were only once in a while and didn’t bother me much but the F you mommy one is what triggered what I have now.

@Where’sMySerotonin? Very interesting... my theme is more about sexuality and everything revolves around that, kinda hard to depict when it started being when i was younger it wasn’t as harsh, i could care less when i was younger but the older i got, the more it bothered me, I’m not sure why, it’s gotten more aggressive throughout the years, i hate it, but i use to have episodes of thinking i had rabies if i touched an animal that wasn’t mine, use to say “well if i have rabies I’ll know because I’d be dead by morning” and stuff like that, I’ve looked over my entire life trying to find answers but it isn’t the right tactic, been doing ERP whenever i Can, but It’s tough

@Carbon96 It’s so hard, you’d think finding some big discovery about your own OCD would help stop it but it doesn’t! It’s so frustrating. I thought me knowing how it started would help, but nooope. ERP is truly a great solution but it’s so hard to start and to trust that not finding out answers is what’ll help and not reassurance. When you get the hang of ERP though it makes thoughts a lot easier to overcome!

@Where’sMySerotonin? How has your recover been so far? Also is there a way we can talk off of this? Seems like you know your stuff

@Carbon96 Recovery has been rough and I’m nowhere near recovered, I have like almost every subtype and I definitely don’t have it all figured out ? I’m not an expert so I don’t want to say anything that can’t be fact checked by everyone else on this app!

@Where’sMySerotonin? That was how my ocd also started at the age of around 8! Except I saw someone do the middle finger and I did it to a random person when I was in the back seat of the car and I cried and told my mom later on and also I did some sexual experimenting with my cousin at that age and we would be sexual with our Barbie dolls and stuff and I had to tell my mom after a while because I felt so guilty! I also thought I didn’t like my dad anymore at some point! ???

@Beebuh Oh my that’s that’s so interesting it started at the same age and similar situations ??? my parents also got divorced around the age it started. What are your OCD subtypes if you don’t mind me asking? If our themes are the same too that’s gonna be real crazy ?