Y’all, I am asking for some help. The media uproar going on about race right now is REALLY triggering my OCD. It feels like the entire white population is being labeled a bully. I am trying to do better in areas where I feel like I have given into stigmas, but I know over all I love EVERYONE. It’s just overwhelming to have everybody yelling at you from their Instagram posts all at once. Plus a loved one is dying. Please help. I feel like I am spiraling & I am so confused in this battle.

I'm doing a lot better with my OCD episode but I'm finding it hard to cope with what's happening in my country. It's hard because it is scary and people keep telling me I should be afraid. That everything is over and it's the apocalypse. I don't think it's productive to be gripped with terror but I don't know how to calm down.

I feel unbelievably stressed out all the time, especially in the state of the world today. It seems like every time I open social media I’m shown grief in every capacity of life. What is happening here (the US), what’s happening overseas, etc. I have no idea how to navigate how I’m supposed to build a life and my career when it feels like the world is sort of falling apart around me. I feel really depressed and hopeless about it. I think it’s really easy to self isolate, especially being diagnosed with a deeply internalized anxiety disorder like OCD, and I’m just curious I how many people are feeling it too? I deeply crave community and I find it harder more and more everyday to get myself to a point where I even feel like it’ll do any good. I know this isn’t the first time in history that people have had to try to figure out some kind of normalcy in the face of political turbulence.. but with how much news and information we’re getting at every second of every day, I’m wondering if there is more damage being done than what we realize. It feels completely irresponsible to ignore everything that’s happening around me, but it’s overwhelming and making it to the point where I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

How to deal with OCD when you’re dissociating and numb and it’s going from ROCD, existential to how you hate yourself, to your whole life story trauma flooding, to retroactive jealousy, to how you never anointed to much, to how it’s hard for you to love people and not scrutinize, to how you never really did much on your own and always needed help and attention, to how you’re scared of death, to how you’re scared of abandonment and being alone, to saying if you don’t fix all these at once you’ll lose your relationship (I have CPTSD and there’s a push pull and I never had a chance to fix it) and I try to control everything. And I realize it. And it’s going on about how adulting is scary. About how I try to work and the. Quit because I’m afraid of opinions. About how I hoard. About how everything in life seems senseless. About how I can’t connect. About how I people please and about how I’m selfish. About how nothing will ever be perfect. I’m not joking when every second of my day is a FLOOD of thoughts and it’s been 46 days like this after one thought I tried to sit with spiraled me into a dissociative shutdown. I’ve had bad OCD all my life but as I got older more and more fears piled up. And my trauma is so bad. And so loud. The OCD is so bad. There’s nothing in life I don’t fear. And everything feels like a threat to me. His past. Him. And how I don’t want anyone else but my brain won’t stop ripping him apart. How “no one” will be good enough for my perfectionistic mind. I truly don’t know how the absolute fuck to get over something this severe. And I have horrific self worth issues. Bad. Like zero self worth. boundaries. Anything. I never had skills. And idk how to explain to my family how bad this OCD is. I run to my mom like a scared child. But even she can’t give me comfort because I’m in hell. And I always wanted people to help me fix things and now that I’m trapped in my own mind I can’t. I’m scared. Shitless.