Y’all, I am asking for some help. The media uproar going on about race right now is REALLY triggering my OCD. It feels like the entire white population is being labeled a bully. I am trying to do better in areas where I feel like I have given into stigmas, but I know over all I love EVERYONE. It’s just overwhelming to have everybody yelling at you from their Instagram posts all at once. Plus a loved one is dying. Please help. I feel like I am spiraling & I am so confused in this battle.

Convinced I'm a racist, even though it's the complete opposite of my morals & what I believe. - - - - - - I've currently been struggling with something that is going to make me sound like a piece of shit, even I recognize how messed up it's going to sound. Over the past couple months, I have been worrying about the proper way to interact with POC without coming across as racist. I know, this is already awful. I consider myself to be an ally who supports POC & civil rights movements. I'm ashamed of white people honestly, we've oppressed POC from the beginning of time. I'm personally ashamed of my white ethnicity. I've been even more so in the past year. I feel like my OCD has recently attached to this though. At least, I think it has, or maybe it's guilt knowing I'm white and part of systemic racism problem as a whole. When I pass a POC on the street, or in a place of business, I'll immediately start to get thoughts like "Am I coming across as rude? Am I being nice enough? Am I being too nice? Am I smiling too much? Am I smiling enough? Do I look uncomfortable? This isn't about me, so why am I anxious? Stop being so self centered. Are you appearing racist? What if this POC thinks I'm racist? That's awful to assume what they think. Stop making this about you!" And basically the entire time I'm trying to interact with someone of color, I have all this anxious dialogue in my head and I probably physically appear to be anxious, which in turn I'm sure the other person thinks "Why are they acting so tense/afraid?" It's not that I'm afraid, or dislike POC, I'm way too overly cautious, I recognize that, and it's actually coming across as racist. And I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, I can only imagine the racism POC have to endure on a daily basis. It's like my own OCD/anxiety is getting in the way. I hate it. I want to get over it. I don't know why it's coming up, but I want to get past this.

Is there anyone with Racism themed OCD? I've been really struggling with this taboo theme & I'm finding it hard to function/find myself avoiding people out of fear of being perceived as racist. I constantly worry that I'm being perceived as racist. I'm white, I consider myself to be an ally of BIPOC and to work on being anti-racist. Lately though, I get hit with a ton of intrusive thoughts about coming across as racist when I speak to a BIPOC, which causes anxiety, which my anxiety probably then appears racist to the other person. I can't imagine what BIPOC have to endure on a daily basis just because of their skin color, so I'm not trying to make this about me. I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this or if other people struggle with this OCD theme. To be honest, it's pretty severe and it's attacking my core, because this "theme" feels opposite to what I value (being an ally, fighting to be anti-racist & dismantle racism) & who I am. I can tell that other people notice I'm anxious, and I just hate that I'm displaying nervousness because I'm sure it makes the other person uncomfortable. I know I'm coming off as anxious to other people. I know it because I'm trying so hard not to be perceived as racist, to get the interaction "right", that interactions just get weird, anxiety filled & awkward & I'm sure the other person is like wtf, this person is a racist. I don't know how to stop getting so lost in my head. I've tried to tell myself "Maybe I am a sick, racist human being, oh well", but that doesn't help because I don't agree with that statement.

Guys I'm really scared to talk about this but it's taken over my life at this point. Occasionally, I would get an intrusive thought that would be kind of racist and I'd be scared or I'll sit and think for like an hour of past situations where I may have been racist. It's terrifying because I talked to my mom about it and she laughed because she said I'm like the opposite of racist which I'd like to believe, but these thoughts are so triggering especially because I am also in a biracial relationship. I would never want to hurt him or make him feel lesser than me. I wanna show him off to the world but there's this put feeling in me like, what if you're only doing all this for him not to be perceived as racist? What if you don't actually believe in being with him and you're scared to show him off? Are you afraid what others think? And then I try to prove the thoughts wrong by disagreeing with them in my head and thinking about the past situation. I try not to compulse while with my bf because the last thing I want him believing is that these thoughts are real and are gonna make me treat him differently. Someone pls help like I can't keep thinking of the only person I love like this.