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- 5y
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- 5y
Same here! I had OCD when I was little and I had to confess every bad thought I had in my head. I got over that, and then I got religious OCD as a teenager. That took a while to shake off, but it eventually went away. I have HOCD now and this is by far the one that has been the hardest to get rid of. I feel you bc it takes all of those insecurities that you have about relationships. It’s a weird theme of OCD and I never thought it could happen to me, but it has
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- 5y
I FEEL BOTH of you guys so so much. I’m so so sorry you are dealing with this. This has been the hardest theme for me. My biggest one other than this is ROCD and it breaks my heart because I’m in a relationship with the man that makes me the happiest and once I said okay ROCD can be managed it is okay I started getting HOCD and it’s been about two months and I hate it because I haven’t been able to see something good about it. I just want to marry my boyfriend and not have to worry about my sexuality ever ahain
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- 5y
Sounds very similar to my story, except the religious theme! I had to confess every bad thought to my parents when I was younger too and now deal with HOCD! (Among body symmetry obsessions that aren’t terrible). You’re sooooo right about how ocd latches onto all the normal insecurities we have in relationships. I mean I’m so nervous about it all (not even factoring ocd) that I’ve never been on an actual date! (I’m almost 21). I just ghost guys whenever it gets close to that because I start panicking. OCD loves that?
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- 5y
@Leah?? So me! That’s been my biggest thing, and ocd exacerbates it and magnifies onto all those insecurities to the point where it’s like ‘that DEFINITELY means something’
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- 5y
@Soph Ugh yes!!! And it’s so hard finding help for these two things cause it doesn’t necessarily have solely to do with ERP, but also my low self esteem and other stuff. So I don’t know what to work on first.
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- 5y
Mine would be suicidal OCD, which is also what started my OCD. It hit me hard and fast and has remained here throughout the occasional popping up of other themes here and there. It stared for me back at the end of August so it will have been a little over 9 months (?) now. I didn’t get diagnosed and starting ERP until 3 months ago, so it’s still a work in progress. Doing ERP has helped with the certain triggers I’ve been working on, mostly physical objects, but I still have to tackle it just randomly popping into my head. It’s such a horrible theme because it literally feels like life and death for me, and it has shifted in its angle of attack throughout the months. At first it was more like I thought I would just lose control or become almost in a zombie state to kill myself, later on it would shift to what if I became depressed and got so down in it that I would actually want to die, and now it’s kind of the same thing, but I’ve been getting hit lately with these strong waves of negative emotions (pain/distress/guilt/shame) and I’m terrified it’ll be too much and I’ll want to die. There are some days where I’m actually doing good, haven’t really thought about it and if it does intrude it’s more in the back of my head, but in bad days it’s more in the forefront (mixed with existential OCD sometimes) and I’m such a mess I have to constantly try to calm down and I keep going back and forth of whether I should be put on medication (which I rather not) or admit myself to a psychiatric hospital or something. Very hard but I’m slowly working on it with my therapist
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- 5y
That sounds really rough I’m so sorry. It’s great that you’re working with a therapist though, I think it’s so hard how up and down ocd can be, cause when it hits you, it really doesn’t pull punches :( I think persistence is probably the biggest factor in recovery though; sending love!
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- 5y
@Soph Thank you! ?
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- 5y
I had ocd since I was a child and I didn’t realize I had hocd since my twenties until it kicked my ass last year cuz I know exactly what triggered it. It teamed up with Tocd now and it sucks but yeah hocd was def the worst / longest which is why I am in therapy with a good therapist.
Related posts
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- 19w
Anyone else feel that when they aren’t experiencing a theme that their ocd is almost non existent. It almost makes me feel like I’ve been faking it, and also makes me feel ridiculous for obsessing over things. I feel sorry for myself :/ I know that my themes are valid and felt very real in the moment, but after I “get over” them I just can’t believe that I was obsessing over something that either wasn’t true or didn’t apply to me. I would also like to know how to prevent themes from reoccurring. Health, religion and existential OCD themes tend to take turns throughout my life, I just didn’t know that was it ocd. Trying to break the cycle.
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- 10w
I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?
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- 7w
I have experienced every theme that can be added to post but I’m currently experiencing those. So I am on the spectrum and I happen to have a high sensory profile and it definitely gives the ocd more to latch unto. I would see a pretty female with makeup done and it eatssss and I would notice the facial symmetry + how her features compliment each other and my ocd would be like why did you notice she is pretty, BECAUSE I HAVE EYES😭! I can’t be the only neurodivergent person that notices details and how attractive people are intensely? I do not even care about orientation but I know for sure if I was into women, it won’t just start plaguing me one evening Im my head shouting “you are gay” like man Im a female at least say you are a lesbian 😭😂😂😂😂. How can I genuinely have no interest and get outrightly repulsed by females sexually and romantically. It feels like I am being forced to be something im not. I tried accepting i am lesbian but I experienced more anxiety and could not sleep till I accepted i am still straight and it is ocd playing with me(ocd leave me alone, I don’t even enjoy playing with you) I accepted i am a lesbian like ocd said I should but why do I still love my ex and hope I marry him😭 + I couldn’t bring myself to be interested in females. OCD leave me alone because I don’t enjoy this game again! I’m not homophobic at all but denouncing Im straight doesn’t feel like home and I still find myself yearning for only men
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