- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Same here! I had OCD when I was little and I had to confess every bad thought I had in my head. I got over that, and then I got religious OCD as a teenager. That took a while to shake off, but it eventually went away. I have HOCD now and this is by far the one that has been the hardest to get rid of. I feel you bc it takes all of those insecurities that you have about relationships. It’s a weird theme of OCD and I never thought it could happen to me, but it has
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I FEEL BOTH of you guys so so much. I’m so so sorry you are dealing with this. This has been the hardest theme for me. My biggest one other than this is ROCD and it breaks my heart because I’m in a relationship with the man that makes me the happiest and once I said okay ROCD can be managed it is okay I started getting HOCD and it’s been about two months and I hate it because I haven’t been able to see something good about it. I just want to marry my boyfriend and not have to worry about my sexuality ever ahain
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Sounds very similar to my story, except the religious theme! I had to confess every bad thought to my parents when I was younger too and now deal with HOCD! (Among body symmetry obsessions that aren’t terrible). You’re sooooo right about how ocd latches onto all the normal insecurities we have in relationships. I mean I’m so nervous about it all (not even factoring ocd) that I’ve never been on an actual date! (I’m almost 21). I just ghost guys whenever it gets close to that because I start panicking. OCD loves that?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Leah?? So me! That’s been my biggest thing, and ocd exacerbates it and magnifies onto all those insecurities to the point where it’s like ‘that DEFINITELY means something’
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Soph Ugh yes!!! And it’s so hard finding help for these two things cause it doesn’t necessarily have solely to do with ERP, but also my low self esteem and other stuff. So I don’t know what to work on first.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Mine would be suicidal OCD, which is also what started my OCD. It hit me hard and fast and has remained here throughout the occasional popping up of other themes here and there. It stared for me back at the end of August so it will have been a little over 9 months (?) now. I didn’t get diagnosed and starting ERP until 3 months ago, so it’s still a work in progress. Doing ERP has helped with the certain triggers I’ve been working on, mostly physical objects, but I still have to tackle it just randomly popping into my head. It’s such a horrible theme because it literally feels like life and death for me, and it has shifted in its angle of attack throughout the months. At first it was more like I thought I would just lose control or become almost in a zombie state to kill myself, later on it would shift to what if I became depressed and got so down in it that I would actually want to die, and now it’s kind of the same thing, but I’ve been getting hit lately with these strong waves of negative emotions (pain/distress/guilt/shame) and I’m terrified it’ll be too much and I’ll want to die. There are some days where I’m actually doing good, haven’t really thought about it and if it does intrude it’s more in the back of my head, but in bad days it’s more in the forefront (mixed with existential OCD sometimes) and I’m such a mess I have to constantly try to calm down and I keep going back and forth of whether I should be put on medication (which I rather not) or admit myself to a psychiatric hospital or something. Very hard but I’m slowly working on it with my therapist
- Date posted
- 4y ago
That sounds really rough I’m so sorry. It’s great that you’re working with a therapist though, I think it’s so hard how up and down ocd can be, cause when it hits you, it really doesn’t pull punches :( I think persistence is probably the biggest factor in recovery though; sending love!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Soph Thank you! ?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I had ocd since I was a child and I didn’t realize I had hocd since my twenties until it kicked my ass last year cuz I know exactly what triggered it. It teamed up with Tocd now and it sucks but yeah hocd was def the worst / longest which is why I am in therapy with a good therapist.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 11w ago
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Does anyone else struggle with this? It's been the main thing powering my POCD, and it's only been getting worse. Especially when I see posts online of people sharing their personal stories relating to CSA, specifically grooming. It's so triggering now, but before this theme developed, the most I'd feel while reading posts like that would be disgust targeted towards people who did those things. Now, my first thought is, "What if I do something like that one day? What if I've done it before and I don't remember or didn't know I was doing it?" I have many, many different intrusive thoughts or worries related to this theme, but it all circles back to this specific fear that I'll become like the people who hurt and took advantage of me. Does anyone have advice for this? I'm not sure if I've asked a similar question in the past or not, but is this something I need to deal with separately before beginning ERP for OCD? I'm just curious and also lost on where to begin with all of this. I'm just glad I'm able to begin working through all of these issues now, rather than later in life when I'd probably have a lot more responsibilities. Anyways, any feedback is appreciated! 🤍
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- Date posted
- 9w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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