- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Same here! I had OCD when I was little and I had to confess every bad thought I had in my head. I got over that, and then I got religious OCD as a teenager. That took a while to shake off, but it eventually went away. I have HOCD now and this is by far the one that has been the hardest to get rid of. I feel you bc it takes all of those insecurities that you have about relationships. It’s a weird theme of OCD and I never thought it could happen to me, but it has
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I FEEL BOTH of you guys so so much. I’m so so sorry you are dealing with this. This has been the hardest theme for me. My biggest one other than this is ROCD and it breaks my heart because I’m in a relationship with the man that makes me the happiest and once I said okay ROCD can be managed it is okay I started getting HOCD and it’s been about two months and I hate it because I haven’t been able to see something good about it. I just want to marry my boyfriend and not have to worry about my sexuality ever ahain
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Sounds very similar to my story, except the religious theme! I had to confess every bad thought to my parents when I was younger too and now deal with HOCD! (Among body symmetry obsessions that aren’t terrible). You’re sooooo right about how ocd latches onto all the normal insecurities we have in relationships. I mean I’m so nervous about it all (not even factoring ocd) that I’ve never been on an actual date! (I’m almost 21). I just ghost guys whenever it gets close to that because I start panicking. OCD loves that?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Leah?? So me! That’s been my biggest thing, and ocd exacerbates it and magnifies onto all those insecurities to the point where it’s like ‘that DEFINITELY means something’
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Soph Ugh yes!!! And it’s so hard finding help for these two things cause it doesn’t necessarily have solely to do with ERP, but also my low self esteem and other stuff. So I don’t know what to work on first.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Mine would be suicidal OCD, which is also what started my OCD. It hit me hard and fast and has remained here throughout the occasional popping up of other themes here and there. It stared for me back at the end of August so it will have been a little over 9 months (?) now. I didn’t get diagnosed and starting ERP until 3 months ago, so it’s still a work in progress. Doing ERP has helped with the certain triggers I’ve been working on, mostly physical objects, but I still have to tackle it just randomly popping into my head. It’s such a horrible theme because it literally feels like life and death for me, and it has shifted in its angle of attack throughout the months. At first it was more like I thought I would just lose control or become almost in a zombie state to kill myself, later on it would shift to what if I became depressed and got so down in it that I would actually want to die, and now it’s kind of the same thing, but I’ve been getting hit lately with these strong waves of negative emotions (pain/distress/guilt/shame) and I’m terrified it’ll be too much and I’ll want to die. There are some days where I’m actually doing good, haven’t really thought about it and if it does intrude it’s more in the back of my head, but in bad days it’s more in the forefront (mixed with existential OCD sometimes) and I’m such a mess I have to constantly try to calm down and I keep going back and forth of whether I should be put on medication (which I rather not) or admit myself to a psychiatric hospital or something. Very hard but I’m slowly working on it with my therapist
- Date posted
- 4y ago
That sounds really rough I’m so sorry. It’s great that you’re working with a therapist though, I think it’s so hard how up and down ocd can be, cause when it hits you, it really doesn’t pull punches :( I think persistence is probably the biggest factor in recovery though; sending love!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Soph Thank you! ?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I had ocd since I was a child and I didn’t realize I had hocd since my twenties until it kicked my ass last year cuz I know exactly what triggered it. It teamed up with Tocd now and it sucks but yeah hocd was def the worst / longest which is why I am in therapy with a good therapist.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w ago
Hi everyone, I wanted to reach out to see if anyone else has experienced something similar with OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’ve been struggling during moments of intimacy because intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to POCD, feel so ‘sticky’—like they’re all I can picture. Even though I really want the thoughts to go away, they persist, and I’ve been trying not to avoid intimacy because of them. However, that makes me feel like I’m somehow ‘enjoying’ the thoughts or images, which I really dislike. It’s like my brain is playing this awful trick, and it’s leaving me feeling confused and gross. I guess I’m supposed to not let the thoughts bother me and continue as if nothing’s wrong, but I’m scared that by doing so, I’m almost training myself to get off to them or something. This fear makes it so hard to trust myself in those moments, and it’s been overwhelming. If anyone else has been through this, how do you handle it?
- Date posted
- 17w ago
I’m really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you can’t relate or don’t think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesn’t hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and I’m now just realizing that it’s wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesn’t make sense it feels incredibly real, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it I’m terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didn’t choose them. If I had known, I would’ve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldn’t have self pleasured in the first place but it’s extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didn’t act on it :/
- Date posted
- 13w ago
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond