I found this on reddit and it's really helpful for my female HOCD sufferers Credits: @bakesoda17 "It’s so annoying (rant) (TW for talking in detail about my sexuality) I fear that I may be bi even though I know I want nothing to do with the same sex. I only like men and men only, but my mind is making it seem like being with a man sexually won’t be enough for me. I admit I’ve never really stopped looking for reassurance even when I was doing better as I had said in my last post. I guess I’ve been trying to keep reassuring myself that I really am straight and am attracted to men physically. The thing is, I know I am attracted to men. I really think that guys can be so beautiful and hot, but society doesn’t really train us (women and I guess gay men as well) to see them in a sexual way. Society has always sexualized women and has always made us to be the objects of desire (the prizes to be won) instead of men. I think it is because of this and the fact that I was sexually abused as a kid and introduced to porn that way that I’ve been able to become aroused by women’s bodies, on a screen at least. In real life women have never done anything for me and I really don’t think they ever will, but even then my mind tries to convince me that because of my porn habits one day I will actually want to be with a woman sexually. And I do actually find men’s bodies attractive and even arousing to some extent, but when watching porn it’s always been easier for me to get off to looking at the woman instead of the man, and this is what has always bothered me. I’m still a virgin at 21 and I’m afraid that this and (consequently) my HOCD will affect my relationships and sex life one day. I think porn has already done well enough damage to me as I can’t even feel much down there when I masturbate anymore, and porn gets old to me so fast. I don’t know how those people who are addicted to it and watch it for hours at a time do it. I used to be able to get aroused a lot when I was a teenager and would watch porn a few times a week and never really had a problem getting wet, but ever since 2017 (the same year I first got HOCD) I’ve been having these issues. I think this is what has been making me feel less aroused to the stuff that actually aligns with my sexuality (such as solo male videos) than I normally would be, but of course, I can still easily get off to female focused stuff and it disgusts me. I wish this wasn’t me. It makes me feel like I truly could be bi and I’ve even had people on this subreddit tell me that before since apparently “it’s not normal” to be that aroused to something that supposedly isn’t your sexuality. And another thing that bothers me a lot are the people who always go around on the internet and especially on YouTube videos I’ve seen trying to spread the information about that supposed “study” that found that all women are either bi or lesbian. I truly don’t believe that is the case, but I nonetheless get triggered when people try to argue that there’s no possible way that any woman is truly straight. It’s obvious these people have an agenda and are most likely men hoping their lesbian fetish becomes a reality. I’ve also seen some lesbians themselves try to argue that, but it’s obvious as to why. Pride month is this month and I get that this is probably a huge trigger for majority of us with HOCD, but I honestly haven’t been triggered by it so far. What I do get triggered by is what I just talked about and these social competitions where people try to argue which of the sexes is the more attractive one. I hate when people talk about that, it’s just hugely triggering. Of course people always say that women are the more attractive of the 2 genders, but I myself don’t even agree with that. It’s crazy to me because a lot of women agree to that and I think that’s what only continues to fuel the rumors of that supposed “study” being true. I honestly believe that the only reason women are seen as more attractive is because that’s what society has been pushing on us for so long. And I get that there is probably a real important reason for that (reproduction), but it’s still really fucking annoying. I think that if society would sexualize men just as much as they did women then I probably wouldn’t even be like this right now."