Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

This is my first ever post on here... I’m so relieved to find an app like this with others who truly truly understand. I’ve dealt with OCD since I was in elementary school. As I aged I think it got worse due to my brain now having “more territory” to roam. This is an awful way to describe it because I’m only 19 and I’m afraid things will get more sinister as I age... at the moment I am really struggling with pOCD. It’s absolutely terrifying and though I’m coming down from an intense episode I’m still so hurt and heartbroken. It doesn’t let me free. I keep doubting if something is wrong with me or if OCD is an excuse or a lie, really hoping I’m not crazy or demented. Some months ago I was triggered by some thing I did that went against my morals which was to dabble in witchcraft.... that sent me spiraling. Now, I’m not sure what triggered pOCD but it’s so awful. My brain is choosing how to hurt me most I think...

Maria Savio

Date posted: 5y

POCD is the worst...but it will fade

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so much for telling me that... I’ve noticed most of them fade, I’m just afraid something worse will come after. Though, what could be worst right? Do you speak from personal experience?

Maria Savio

Date posted: 5y

Yes I am speaking from personal experience,its attacked one of my children and nothing could disgust me more. I dont know why the hell it even started but it does get better. You just have to take into account that this disorder is just ridiculous and you know your personal values and morals. It does anything to try to attack that but once you can separate the two it becomes easier. And it will get bored and move on

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I can completely understand why you find it disgusting, perhaps I also come off that way... I’m very much hoping this will pass

Maria Savio

Date posted: 5y

What do u mean u come off that way? I didn't mean that any person disgusted m, just that my thoughts centered around my child grossed me out and I found the thoughts gross

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Ah, so sorry! I thought you meant it i one of your child developed this OCD , I misunderstood !!

Maria Savio

Date posted: 5y

And it will pass...themes go on but most of the time they fade

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you again for saying this, I’m very hopeful it will pass, because all things do eventually. Do you currently struggle with other obsessions atm?

Maria Savio

Date posted: 5y

I wish that it was as easy as that...instead it was me having horrible thoughts about one of my own kids....I hated that

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I understand that Maria :-( it’s what OCD does best, traumatize us... lets both follow your advice on it leaving eventually

Maria Savio

Date posted: 5y

@Feigning It will...I've dealt with this crap since I was 14 (I'm now almost 40) and it always does. I wish the process of healing wasn't so horrendous but you will come out stronger and do not let it get the best of you

Maria Savio

Date posted: 5y

Yeah sometimes harm OCD and rocd... focused on my man. I really went thru it with the harm OCD, it was telling me to do stuff to him, but I realized it was the OCD and just straight up told it I will NOT be doing anything it says cause I also have enough experience with this disorder to know it was simply that and acring on it is a big mistake

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I’m glad you understand it well enough, I’m sure you are able to sometimes manage it and carry out your days despite having triggers/ruminations

Maria Savio

Date posted: 5y

@Feigning Ugh yeah but sometimes I want to tear my hear out and stab my brain to get this crap to stop. It's not always easy to shrug off but once a theme has played out for long enough it will become easier

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Maria Savio Me too!! I used to tell my therapist I want to open my head and cut off the bad bits... because I wanted to be fixed, but I realize now that “themes” will play out. I almost nearly forgot about my previous trigger which was that I was “cursed” do to having attempted witchcraft

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Maria Savio Thanks Maria :)

Maria Savio

Date posted: 5y

No problem....back in 94 when this started for me, help like this didn't exist. I remember trying to tell my dad that I needed to talk to a therapist or something cause I was going crazy and he just told me I'd be fine. So I never got any professional help. I dealt with this crap on my own the best I knew how. It sucked. It does calm down as it did for me for years but itll always be there. I'm not a fan of meds cause they aren't good long term, this is something we have to mentally crush. And it can and will be done

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I relate to that, I’ve never been properly open about this with my parent and probably never will because most people wouldn’t understand I think. Your feeling of loneliness and dealing with it on your own is something I relate to :( you’ve really been pushing since 94! As for meds, I’m scared of taking them because they cause an existential crisis for me, I feel I’m a completely “second person” to myself and unauthentic... I feel better to know it lessens but doesn’t completely leave

Maria Savio

Date posted: 5y

I understand completely....no one knows to what degree I deal with this....But yes it will fade

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