- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah, the last week my anxiety went down and I tried to stay away from looking online etc But recently I looked up sex offences etc and that's what sent me into panic. I know they say it's more sexual Intercourse with an animal That's bad but I was still sexual so that's why I worried. I've told a doctor and a consultant for therapy and they both said as long as its it's not something I'm doing now but I cant get the fear out of my head that I'm a monster and I'll be reported
- Date posted
- 4y
@BrainH20 Yeah I did, they were fine about it and just said it's in the past. I still ended up on a massive downward spiral even though I was reassured. My brain has managed to pick up on other things that I regret and straight away I feel like I have to confess and I've realised that once I do it I get relief for about a week then it comes back. I'm so fed up with it at the minute. Like I'm not necessarily worried about anything in particular but I still feel really anxious and i hate it as I can feel my mind searching for something.
- Date posted
- 4y
@b2192 That’s EXACTLY how I am!!! We should be friends lol
- Date posted
- 4y
@BrainH20 Well whenever you need to talk I am always here as it's always good to have someone you can relate to. I always feel so alone. I cant stand that my ocd constantly tries to find things that I can confess to or tries to make me feel terrible for things that I've done in the past that I'm ashamed of
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I don't want to give you reassurance here as you're clearly engaging in checking compulsions and reassurance seeking around an intrusive thought. Have you had any therapy for your OCD? Can you apply what you've learned to what's going on now?
- Date posted
- 5y
No I havent. I know your not supposed to give reassurance but I need to know if this is something I can discuss with a therapist.
- Date posted
- 5y
Ah I see. I'm only going to say this once though: Your therapist is not going to report you for that. Lots and lots of people do this stuff, it's probably a lot more common than you think. You haven't harmed anyone or the dog. You were just doing some experimenting....which is a totally human thing ? Find yourself a therapist!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks for letting me know. I've got two kids and the guilt from doing this is absoloutly destroying me and I just want to work out why I thought this was normal, the reason why I want therapy. I just want to feel normal again. Thanks again !
- Date posted
- 5y
There's a an awful lot of shame around sexuality and experimentation. There's nothing wrong with what you did. Human sexuality is crazy and varied and diverse and unless you're outright causing harm, it's All Good. I'm not a therapist, but it does sound like you're struggling with compulsions to try and lessen the guilt/anxiety around this memory/thought. A therapist can absolutely help you with this. Can you use the therapy on this app?
- Date posted
- 5y
Sounds like you have some triggers around this stuff that's setting you off. Try your very best to avoid doing the checking and looking things up, because it will just maintain the cycle and increase your anxiety.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks.
- Date posted
- 5y
This is real event/ moral scrupulosity ocd. You deserve to see an ocd specialist who can help you with erp for this theme of ocd. I have the same one. It’s not easy, and doesn’t go away, but it can get more manageable.
- Date posted
- 5y
Erp, erp, and more erp. Haha It’s sucky work and DOES NOT feel good in the short term, but helps in the long term. You have to sit with the discomfort of your worst fears by script writing, listening to recordings over and over, and/ or just agreeing with your thoughts. Visualization helps too. She told me to think of my ocd as a swinging door because it comes and goes. (Or a cloud or balloon) I tried a dumpster but she explained how that’s trying to get rid of the thoughts, which doesn’t work. You need to practice acceptance and self compassion. Labeling the thoughts as ocd also helps gain some distance from them.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
I have this same situation replaying in my head. It has to do with porn so if your young just know this may be a little graphic. I tend to use Twitter for porn and the reason I do this is it’s a lot more direct I can type in what I want to see and it’s there I don’t have to go through unknown websites and hope not to get viruses, and to be a little more specific more amateur/ real sexual experiences come up on Twitter rather than porn pages with staged written scenes. So in my use of Twitter for this there’s been times when questionable material/ illegal material has come up and never did I save it knowing it was 100% illegal or even interact with it if I knew it was 100% illegal. I was 18 or 19 at the time of this and I started to fear that in these moments I would look at these illegal videos/ sketchy videos to long when they would pop up like for example I remember seeing a video that was 100% illegal content and I was so shocked and like confused that I looked at it for a moment and then left and then I went back to look at it again just to confirm that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing I also remember seeing videos that were in a 18+ section but sometimes the girls in the videos looked like they could be 15-17. As we all know 18 year olds can look anywhere from 15-17 or even younger these days so I would be cautious and use my context clues and what I knew when watching videos that I was suspicious about but had no proof of them being illegal aside from my thoughts and the person looking young. So with this and me worrying I got super scared and hyper aware of what I was watching and now I remember me going back on Twitter to look at content that I was intending to be 18+ but all I would think about is what if something illegal would come up what if I see it and I look for to long or what if I feel attracted and I like it. And I just remember going back to Twitter to look at legal porn but it felt like I was there so that something illegal could come up to see how I’d naturally react to it. Never did I go and type in key words or type in anything illegal in fact I remember times I would strictly put 18+ next to whatever I was searching so I could be sure everything was legal but sometimes it would feel like my hope and intention was that I would see something illegal so that I could feel that anxiety rush or just to see how I would react naturally to seeing it and I feel like this would count as me intentionally looking for it so now I feel disgusting and like I committed a crime. Sometimes I just feel like I was only looking at porn because I wanted to feel that anxiety of what if something bad comes up and how would I react. I know deep down I didn’t want to see illegal content and that I was probably just feeling that I wanted to check how id feel if it did come up but now I feel like I was intentionally looking and that my whole objective was for something questionable to come up so I can see how I react. Is this ocd or did I just make a horrible decision?
- Date posted
- 19w
I’m worried about times when Child P*rn or suspicious porn videos have come up in the past. I tend to use Twitter for porn and it’s not the most moderated app out there but I was never looking for videos or pictures or anything related to that. Unfortunately stuff still has popped up and I’m just worried about if my reaction was perfect because I have intense POCD I want to say it’s nearly as severe as it can get so I just feel as if I remember times when something suspicious came up and I stayed for a moment to make sure I wasn’t attracted or maybe left and came back to be sure I was safe and didn’t like it and I’m afraid this counts as seeking out or engaging in illegal content that would get me in trouble. I’ve never once looked this stuff up and anyone who creates saves distributed or likes this stuff I believe deserves prison time for life but I’m just so worried that I didn’t react in the way I should’ve I’m 20 years old so I’m relatively young and I’m jus worried about what this means about me any one else deal with anything similar?
- Date posted
- 16w
18+ TW! Involves sexual content I have learning disabilities which means im always going to be 3-5 years mentally behind from my actual age… when I was 14 I remember finding people saying they work with kids “attractive” and I remember mastu*** over a kid around 5+ but when I was 14 I was either mentally age 11 or 9. So I didn’t know it was wrong, and as soon as I realised I stopped. People say I was young and it’s okay but I remember finding people saying they even walked past a nursery “attractive” but I don’t know if this is even the right word. Maybe cute? Because I find different emotions hard to tell the difference between, so maybe it’s cute rather than attractive. I never ever had intentions to do anything to younger individuals, it was just me finding people saying they worked with them etc attractive… which my ocd now plays on, because my friend mentioned they were working with kids but idk if it was the real me or not but I genuinely felt like I found it attractive and it was giving my so many groinal responses which then made me feel genuinely aroused like I wanted to do things. This plays on my mind because my ocd will always say “but you did/do find stuff like this attractive” but this literally stops me from eating, sleeping or anything. I can’t break from my compultions because what if I do genuinely find it attractive. I don’t think it’s even attractive maybe it’s cute? Like I find it cute… but cuteness can give people feelings down there I guess. I think because if my learning disabilities I found it hard to know the difference between “attraction” and cute so I did stuff over it because it gave me that feeling down there but that could of been cuteness feeling. I just need some support on this.
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