- Username
- Anon
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I know you don’t want reassurance but maybe all this means is right now you’re supposed to focus on you. Not some random guy who’s probably not even worthy of you. Just don’t try to convince yourself you like someone when actually all you want is to feel something. I don’t know how serious you were about wanting to die and I’m sure you know that that would be terrible but honestly don’t even put you’re energy into those thoughts. Everything is temporary. Nothing really lasts forever.
Thanks for hearing me out ! :) yes I been trying to see the positive of this whole thing, and maybe it’s suppose to happen like this for self improvement. After all, I’ve always been so self conscious since I was a child maybe it’s time to change that now and stop putting myself down. Thanks again <333
life sucks and it's hard, but i've really started to savour and hold on to really small things that make me happy. like the colour of the sky, or when im running late but the bus is as well so i still make it, or the taste of coffee, and shit like that. it used to be hard to look at the small stuff but i think that over time it just gets easier.
Yes! your right, I usually am a positive person who appreciates the little things. Like getting up early in the morning w a cup of coffee to start the day but it’s just lately the ocd thoughts have gotten stronger but I’m hoping my mental state goes back to normal because life really is great when there’s no ocd :)
@Anon yeah the dips are the hardest. stay strong, i know you can get through this!!❤️❤️
Idk man, I often want to be dead but it would be awful for my family so I don't do anything about it. I mean, I can probably struggle a lot, to end up with a moderately happy life. Acceptance of whatever happens, even if it's bad, would have to be key, which takes bravery, and the bravery is exhausting when you've not been raised to be resilient. I agree with the other poster- these lows happen, but they do pass. Fill your life with things you enjoy and minimise your time spent worrying. Seize the day and all that. I go back on forth a lot on whether I want or could cope with having a partner or children, so I prefer to not think about it and try to trust that I'll have clarity about that at some point in the future.
I find myself questioning things I’d never question about my life. I’m thinking I’ve actually been driven to contemplate these dark things because my ocd has pushed me over the edge. So it’s kinda that my intrusive thoughts have come true. It’s not fair! I feel super hopeless, then I get scared that I felt that way then the ocd kicks in and I start contemplating things like “it’s all hopeless I feel I am going to carry out (insert violent thought here).”. I don’t get it guys… I don’t have the money for therapy right now so crisis chats and this is my best option. I’ll definitely say ocd and my poor sleep bug habit are what has pushed me to these depths. What I don’t get though is I’m not inherently violent, I thought I was always a hopeful person on the inside, I don’t have depression. That and I love my family, I don’t want harm to come to them but the moment I get the hopelessness it makes me question wether or not it’s worth it. I’m living my worst nightmare. By the way I’m not dangerous, I don’t have any deficits in empathy what’s wrong with me. I’m in denial, I can’t believe I’m capable of genuinely thinking these things. Oh and then I have this suicidal spiral. I’ve had suicidal ocd but now I think it’s also partially true since I’ve been in such a dark spot. I know they say that if you’re not comforted by the idea of sleeping forever it prolly means it’s just ocd and well let me say it’s not comforting. Back to back I’m like “do I want to kill myself? Am I feeling that? Will I do it?” And I feel so hopeless that the thought comes in but no I DONT WANT IT. So it’s like half ocd and half my mental distress. But lord no I don’t want it and I don’t want to live in a reality where I contemplate it. Someone just help me… Why are my emotions so intense I question these things? Ocd is involved I know but I’m telling you this hopelessness had made me contemplate things that ocd wouldn’t typically do. I don’t have personality disorders or any other mental illness. HELP ME!
I’ve been feeling extremely depressed because of my existential OCD. Even when i think of recovery and therapy, i feel like “what point is there in going back to how it was, or finding joy in things” there are moments when I do get happy and in those moments a thought pops up like “what even is anything” “what is existence” or “is death even real” and i’m also getting intrusive thoughts regarding my own consciousness which also gets very weird. All of this is accompanied by dissociation and apocalyptic feelings. It’s been 2 months since my ocd relapse. I have gotten better but when i acknowledge my progress, once again i feel like there’s no point. these thoughts/ feelings don’t feel like OCD but as if i’ve discovered some truth of life and now nothing will be the same. I haven’t started ERP yet, my therapist and i are currently more focused on ACT, acceptance and commitment (which is often given along side ERP) I will start ERP soon but i think all i’ll be focusing on is how dumb it is, and i know it’s not but it feels like i’m convinced it isn’t gonna work. I know this is classic OCD but it feels like this. I also deal with hyperawareness ocd (thinking about thinking taking place) and it makes me feel like there’s somebody in my head when, it’s quite literally my own inner voice that i’m sort of producing (?) I feel like it wouldn’t let me focus during erp and it all just feels so hopeless. I’m a minor and my parents are against medication and they talk about it like it’s the worst thing in the world which has heightened my fear of meds. I’m so sad and done with all this
It has been a hard night. I feel like my whole life I have been wanting people to like me and I’m doing that I lost myself. Especially with ocd and getting into a depression I lost interest in any and everything. For the past week it has kicked me back to that place. I feel boring, unoriginal, I fell like I don’t have anything special about me, if I ask someone they would say I’m nice. I’m over weight so I’ve never bough clothes I really like, I don’t have money to spend on things like art or decor. So I feel bland. I have never had a boyfriend and people look at me like I’m crazy. So basically people see me as an innocent person who has nothing special. I work, I go to school, and I’ve never been obsessed over a music artist or anything. So if people ask me my favorite band or movie I have no idea. I also fear that the moment that I do find myself that my ocd ideas will become real and they were just trapped Inside. Idk who I am. I just kept typing so it may not make sense.
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