How does internalized homophobia feel? I'm scared I don't have HOCD but being homophobic. Before hocd, I kinda was. But right now I feel like I've more accepted people being gay and everybody should do what makes them happy. Only thing is that having crushes on girls makes me happy and not the other way around. What's the difference between hocd and internalized homophobia.

Oké. But I don't want to be gay because I always liked women. I have nothing against gay people. But I, myself just don't want to be. So I do I know for sure that I have HOCD instead of homophobia?

@bm99 If you'd never, under any circumstance be happy and fulfilled (!!!) in a relationship with a man, that's a clear indicator that you're not into men.

@fenna Yes, I won't be happy. I always wanted a relationship with a girl, and I still do. But it feels like I'm lying to myself, all though I really don't want it. This feeling of lying to myself keeps me stuck every time

@bm99 That's HOCD. I have that feeling myself. I myself a few years would've done anything to be straight, or at the very least bi due to homophobia. But no matter how much I've forced my attraction to men, it just wasn't there. Right now the OCD says to me that I'm just lying to myself and haven't found the right guy and bombard me with guys I had any kind of positive feelings for, even if completely platonic, like this guy lent me a pencil once that was nice of him, so I must be attracted to him, therefore I am not gay. And if it wasn't OCD I'd be okay with it but I'm not, far from it.

@pure093 Attraction is supposed to feel good, not dreadful. If you don't feel good about being attracted to men BESIDES the social stigma it brings and your own internal shame (if you have it), then your attraction to men is /likely/ not there. With OCD, you have to also ask yourself not whether you're attracted or not, but whether you'd be fufilled in a relationship with that person, and would enjoy it, both romantically and sexually. My own OCD sometimes clings to some random guy and screams that I'm attracted, but one thing I always knew for certain, even before I realized that I was lesbian, is that I would NEVER be fulfilled and happy in a relationship with a man, so my fake attractions doesn't really bother me anymore. And I don't have a reason to not be fufilled, I don't hate men, I have men that I find beautiful, I have men I look up to, but I'd never be happy being with them, ever, because actual attraction is just not there.

@fenna Thanks for your help! Do you also notice a loss of attraction to the same sex (for me it's the opposite)? I really struggle with this. I'm almost convinced it's caused by depression and OCD, but I'm not sure because, I'm doubting everything lol

@bm99 You're welcome! Yes, at the peak of my OCD I nearly completely lost my attraction to women except for one which I had a huge crush on pre-OCD. I've now have been getting my attraction to women back and it was normal for a few days but now since I am getting worse mentally(I also have some anxiety and depression issues) I predict that it will go down again. The doubt is the part of the OCD.

The doubt will be a part of the OCD. But see my previous messages. If you can't have a fulfilling relationship, you're not attracted to them. For example, I'm not attracted to men at all. Even if the guy was Michelangelo David's level of perfect, the greatest in the universe, absolutely flawless in every way, I still wouldn't be happy being with them and if I was forced into a marriage with him, I'd likely end my life. The sheer idea of being with a man is trapping and extremely upsetting to me because it's empty. My soul would be choking like a fish on land. I could tolerate some affection, after all we're wired to enjoy physical touch but having sex is likely to leave me traumatized. That is what the far opposite of attraction feels like.

@pure093 I still gets doubts about this. My OCD is saying that I'm convincing myself to stay gay because my friend circle is nearly everyone queer. I still am scared that I may be proven wrong in the future and some guy pops up and sweeps me off and I'll be forced into a submissive role in a relationship and will have to deal with him because for some reason I'll be attracted to him and bye bye your dreams of a wife...

@fenna I see. I never see much about sexual orientation ocd with the fear of being straight. I’ve always thoughts it’s kinda wrong how it’s labelled as HOCD... because it can go the other way!! I’m a little worried I have the opposite to attraction with men, but I know deep down I don’t. I hope? I’ve always liked guys. But at the same time, I find women very sexually attractive. I just don’t want to have sex with them. And I’ve read a lot that tells me that’s actually normal since they’ve been sexualised so heavily, but I don’t know if that’s just an excuse.

@garden thought*

@garden If you're not willing to actually pursue it just because you don't want to for reasons you can't identify then the feeling is likely fake.

@garden @garden Aesthetic/physical and sexual attraction are very different. You can appreciate a piece of art without wanting to fuck it.

@fenna Well said. Thank you!

@garden Wdym? Do you mean aesthetic attraction?

@ｆｅｎｎａ Hi I know this was posted years ago. But I have never had the romantic or sexual desire for a woman. And when my ocd started I still felt sure that I didn’t want that, but after awhile on meds and just being burnt out can it feel like I can imagine being in a happy relationship with a woman?