Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

Hello! I want to introduce myself, I am Pamela. I am currently pregnant 28 weeks. I have developed Harm OCD with myself and others. and I feel as if I have Pure OCD as well. I felt as though I was getting better but the thoughts have came back and they seem a lot more scarier. I feel like I can’t do this pregnancy thing and the whole family thing. I just recently quit my job because I can’t get adequate sleep at night anymore and My anxiety is soooo bad all the time, especially at work. I am also struggling with being afraid of developing what mental illness my mother had. I have been afraid of being possessed by a demon because I KNOW this isn’t me. I have always been scared of those kinds of things anyway, I had watched something with Jeffery Duhmer and a few other things and now I have been worried what if I’m like him , I used to think how could someone do those kinds of things and now I’m thinking what if I want to do those things?? what if I have no emotion? I haven’t been able to cry lately, i feel sort of numb and that also scares me because normally I would cry over a movie, or something silly. I want to cry, I want to be genuinely happy and I want to feel the way I did before I developed this terrible illness. I feel crazy to be even talking about my thoughts, and I feel stupid . I have started Zoloft maybe a month and a half ago and I am also worried that the medicine isn’t working properly and is making me worse. I haven’t stopped taking it but I definitely have thought about it. But I’m also worried that if I do stop taking it my anxiety and depression will get worse. Here lately I have been feeling like I will never get better and I just want to die, I have been wanting to birth this baby and just give her to my boyfriend and then go away , I don’t know where I’d go but I feel as though I don’t deserve to be here anymore. Im so tired , like exhausted but I keep pushing like I’m not. I keep pretending that I am happy. I don’t know what to do or where to start. Please someone help me in what I need to do to begin my journey, even though I’m completely and utterly terrified to do just about anything because I’m scared of triggering these thoughts , or even new ones .. Please I am really not looking for reassurance, I just wanted to share what I personally have been going threw, and I want options on what I should begin with to get better ?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Hi, Pamela, I was on Zoloft, but felt that it was making everything worse. So I started using Lexapro, and it has seemed to work better for me. Ocd is terrifying, and it is so easy to feel hopeless, but keep going and know that those are just thoughts. Harm ocd is described as fear of hurting yourself or others, but it is really you obsessing about saving yourself or others. I have harm ocd and it is hard, but talk to an OCD therapist and start your journey to freedom from bad thoughts.

Yayfortherapy

Date posted: 5y

Oh I’m so sorry you are going through this, Pamela :( my heart is broken for you, that you are in such a dark place. Are you going to a therapist and doing ERP? It really is such a helpful treatment for OCD.

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

Thank you for being so kind. I haven’t gotten started on any of that but I’d love to. I’m just lost on where to start and scared to be judged . I’m absolutely terrified that they will take my baby and put me away , and my family will know what I have been struggling with. My dad doesn’t really believe in mental illness. So I don’t even like talking to him about anything .

Yayfortherapy

Date posted: 5y

@Pameladonald6530 I’ve heard that’s a common fear, that the baby will be taken away if you share what’s going on. As long as you have a therapist who specializes in OCD, they will understand because they’ve heard it before. I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this. There is help, all you need to do is take that first step and find a professional who can help you. You can try looking on IOCDF.org!

erikaxo

Date posted: 5y

Pamela I am so sorry :( I do not understand the length of what you are going through, but I will definitely be praying for you! I don’t know your story or beliefs, but Jesus brings me so much peace, and He can bring you peace too! Never feel stupid to talk about these things, you are NOT alone and so many people are struggling like you. You deserve to be here so much, and you have a purpose!! If you cannot do it for yourself, do it for your baby. I would encourage some sort of therapy and to continue the medication!! It will definitely help. Please do not give up, no matter how difficult life gets. You have a great plan ahead of you, and you are so loved. Ocd is so difficult. I understand. But you are not alone.

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

I definitely have been asking god to give me the strength and give me the courage to keep fighting . I ask god to help me threw this , I used to not be a super religious person but before this all started I was wanting to go to church for my family. I wanted my baby to grow up in a religious household because I didn’t and I wished I had.

erikaxo

Date posted: 5y

@Pameladonald6530 That’s so amazing!! He gives us strength when we are weak, that’s for sure. I am so glad you are wanting the best for your baby. I’m sure you will be an amazing mother. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to, you can also find me on social media if you want. Life can be such a struggle sometimes, especially with ocd, but you’re not alone! ❤️

erikaxo

Date posted: 5y

@Pameladonald6530 My insta is @erikagracexo :)

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

@erikaxo Thank you ! I’d love to follow you. What is your name on there?

erikaxo

Date posted: 5y

@Pameladonald6530 It’s erikagracexo ❤️

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

@erikaxo I followed you! ❤️

erikaxo

Date posted: 5y

@Pameladonald6530 I didn’t receive the notif, maybe it didn’t show up yet but did you follow the right account ? ?

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

@erikaxo I think I did. Here is my Instagram pammyann12

erikaxo

Date posted: 5y

@Pameladonald6530 I followed you! ❤️

Sher

Date posted: 5y

Pamela add me on ig I have some insight for you I have the same thing @sherrie_irwin

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

I don’t know if I added the correct one. Let me know!

Ocdmomma

Date posted: 5y

Can I add you as well?

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

@elyse20 Sure!

OCDsucks111

Date posted: 5y

I had perinatal OCD as well, and it can be so terrifying. Please keep taking your meds, and please start ERP! It is treatable and you can get better!

Survivor ❤️

Date posted: 5y

I am continuing to take my meds, I have a appointment tomorrow with my OBGYN so I’m going to tell them that I still have pretty bad anxiety. I was thinking that either they can up my dosage of this and see if that helps a lil better, or try me on a different one, Also I have been feeling sicker then normal. Like it can be hard to eat sometimes so I need some anti nausea medicine or something .

Ocdmomma

Date posted: 5y

I had it my whole pregnancy and had some of the same feelings as you!

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