- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Just had to say that the start of it made me more nervous. Bc after having hocd for so long, u r not disgusted anymore, just want to get through ur day. But yes, i guess gay ppl dont question it - they just wanna be with the same gender.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Facts
- Date posted
- 4y ago
The thing is, I do actually worry a lot about what my friends and family would think. I spend time thinking about how I’d come out, and tell myself it’ll be fine. Which really fucks with my HOCD, because that’s exactly what gay people do, like you said. I’m scared my friends would think I like them. And all this just scares me MORE because I feel like it’s not HOCD :(
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Same.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@confused writer I’m so scared right now. I really feel like I could be bisexual but I don’t know.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden Sometimes i feel like a total lesbian. Sometimes like bi. Sometimes im just numb. We cab talk if u want
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@confused writer Yes please ? I just did a quiz and it said I’m more bi than straight. I’m freaking out. I’ve begun planning how I’d come out. But I’m also stressing a lot about what people would think, especially my friends. And I know a real bisexual would do the same. I’ve always liked guys but I’ve found boobs arousing my whole life too. I’ve been told that’s not abnormal though. But the other thing is the fact that I always worry I give off a ‘gay’ vibe and have to hide it. Sometimes I even lie to sound more straight! So what do you think? Do I sound bi?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden Thats reassurance boo, we can talk somewhere. do u have ig or so? Where are u from?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden I followed you
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden I don’t mean to give reassurance, but I can show you smth that explains that. If you want you can write to me.
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- 4y ago
@Klau Sure! Thanks also
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- 4y ago
@garden i feel that as well
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hey @garden! Man... this describes me to a T! I think I struggle with ROCD & HOCD but there are still parts of my mind that make me think that I could just be in denial due to fears of coming out. Would this be something you’d be willing to talk more in depth with me about? I’m not necessarily looking for reassurance, (I don’t think lol) I think it would be helpful to hear it from someone who’s been aware of their ocd for longer and having similar thoughts. The thing is is I’ve known for awhile that I’m bi, but lately the idea of being with a woman has been more and more attractive. It’s been really difficult distinguishing between fear of being gay (I.e. how do I tell my parents & my boyfriend) and my intrusive thoughts about it.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@RJ Sure let’s talk!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden How would you feel about having a phone conversation? If not, over the app would be fine too!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@RJ Ahhh I’m so sorry, you seem lovely, I’m just honestly quite shy and would prefer to do it over text / chat. If not on here though, we could do it on instagram or snap or Twitter or anything really? Your choice :)
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden Oh hey @garden no worries at all! I totally understand... whatever is best for you works for me!! Ok lemme think about what questions I have 😅😂
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- 4y ago
@RJ Okieeee!
- Date posted
- 2y ago
@confused writer Hey are you still active? And if you are am i able to talk to you about it all because im so confused
- Date posted
- 2y ago
@oliviaolivia I just read this post again out of the blue after feeling so good for a while and now It’s really triggered me! 😔
- Date posted
- 4y ago
i'm 13 and i have had these thoughts for just a couple months and something that constantly reassures me is that i'm not scared to come out to friends or family because deep down ik i don't have to. and ik that someone who acc was would worry about that.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
This helped but I’ve had it 4 years and it’s so convincing now and I am so horrified I really feel like I must be bisexual I was always straight my whole life but now I feel like this has turned me gay or bi I can’t get the thought of d*cks out of my mind and the worst part is I like pegging and obviously that makes this extra convincing and I can’t stop I just wanna be straight this is all I think about all day
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hey! I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. What are your main compulsions?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden Thanks for responding.. Honestly just imagining being f****d by a guy to make sure I don’t like it and then switching back to imagining it from a girl to make sure there’s a difference and now it’s become so normalized that I feel like it must be true, I’m horrified by the image and sensations but once or twice I remember even getting aroused by it but still horrified. And I also like make sure that I have ocd a lot by comparing to other people’s experiences, I try not to do checking of pictures of guys anymore but I used to do that a ton. I also have mental/physical rituals to try to get it out of my mind or prove to myself that I don’t like the thoughts (pacing, shaking my head etc.) I’m just so mad I feel like my identity was stolen from me and I’ll never get it back. But I’m convinced this can’t be just ocd, it must be more....
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden I’m sorry to vent on you i just am so convinced and I can’t escape from it and there’s nothing I can do I try to accept the presence of the thoughts but then I just think I’m accepting that I’ve become bi. this is such a nightmare I just want to wake up from if you have any advice that would be super helpful....
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@BRoyTheNatural Don’t be sorry! I’m here to help. Well it’s awesome that you know your compulsions because that’s the first step. I could reassure you right now but that wouldn’t get you anywhere. If you wanna be free of this the only way to do that is to cut compulsions and expose yourself to the fear! So next time you think of the images or thoughts, don’t stop it or reassure yourself. Just let them be there. Thoughts are just like clouds; they don’t have to MEAN anything. Let them pass by. OCD loves attacking our identity because there’s so many compulsions around it. The thing is, compulsions bring us relief. They make us feel good. And so it’s only inevitable that our brains will throw us more thoughts and fears to compulsively get rid of... because our brains want us to feel that relief! So you’ve gotta have to upper hand in NOT engaging with those compulsions. That’s the way to get better.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden Thank you very much, im having a hard time not trying to get rid of an image :( idk what to do really it’s making me uncomfortable
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- 4y ago
@BRoyTheNatural Don’t fight it!
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- 4y ago
@garden Have you ever been convinced that you don’t even have ocd and your fear is true, because I am right now
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- 4y ago
@BRoyTheNatural Absolutely! That’s very common with ocd I promise
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- 4y ago
@garden Do you have any advice for what to do when I see an attractive man
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- 4y ago
@BRoyTheNatural Let any thoughts flow through and try to not engage in any reassurance or avoidance
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden So I had been doing really well the last 2 days but I just tried to do a self erp thing and it made me so anxious and convinced I’m gay is this normal or is it supposed to make you feel better
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@BRoyTheNatural ERP is meant to make us anxious. We are essentially triggering ourselves. Buttttttt the important thing is not trying to get RID of that anxiety. With ERP it only works if you don’t engage in compulsions. So that way you can show your brain that you’re capable of handing anxiety without compulsions. And through time, you’re less likely to get triggered
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden I don’t know if I did it right or not but I don’t think I did any compulsions it just made me really afraid cuz this guy is super attractive
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@BRoyTheNatural Okay well that’s a good start! To just allow yourself to feel it all
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- 4y ago
@garden Hi, are you able to message me i really would like to talk to someone about my situation!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@hocd123 I’m here what’s up!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden How do I message you privately?
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- 4y ago
@hocd123 Hmmm I’m not sure you can
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- 4y ago
@garden I'm just so confused 😔 i don't think I've ever been attracted to women (I am a woman) but now I can't figure it out! I think I have hocd, but what if I don't?! I'm terrified I can't figure it out 😔
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- 4y ago
@hocd123 Sounds like you do have HOCD! It’s great at messing about our feelings like that
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- 4y ago
@garden Does it mean you question everything? I've never even thought about being with a woman before. Occasionally seen woman on woman porn, but never thought I was gay because of it. And now when I watch a TV show about someone coming out I question everything
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden It all started because a friend of mine said "have you tried talking to women?" Because I haven't had a boyfriend, and I've not been able to stop thinking about it since then 😔
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@hocd123 I’m so sorry. Honestly everything you’re saying sounds very much like HOCD but I know that reassurance won’t help. Something that’s helped me has been just outright telling myself it’s true, and then moving on. Which can feel very scary, but it’s made me far less anxious.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@garden Thank you! I think I need to just keep practicing letting go of thoughts,but its so much easier said than done 😔
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- 4y ago
@hocd123 I agree. Letting go of thoughts sounds simple but it’s not. I have faith that you can let it be though, and I’m always here if you need me
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- 4y ago
@garden I’ve been doing pretty well for the last 2 weeks after a god awful 2 month stretch of hell and yesterday was the best day I’ve had in a long time but it’s all coming back today and I don’t know what to do I don’t want to fall back into that state of hell
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@BRoyTheNatural I think it can be really hard when we go from really good days to hard days. But it’s important to recognise that as humans, our emotions will always fluctuate. It’s okay to ‘fall back into that state of hell’ and in some ways, accepting the possibility of that fall makes it less likely to happen or be painful.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@hocd123 Hey do you worry about masculine women or have felt false attraction
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- 2y ago
@BRoyTheNatural How’s it going now?
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- 2y ago
@garden Hey are you still active? If you are are you willing to speak to me about it all because im very confused about myself
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Thank you for sharing this! 🥺
- Date posted
- 1y ago
Thank you for sharing this. I can see the OCD thought when I was reading the part about how some straight women prefer lesbian porn because it's less violent. Personally I really don't like violence and get scared of violent stuff or when someone yells at me I immediately start crying or get really anxious, so my brain started to link the two points and was like "you don't like violence does that mean you're lesbian or bi" eventhough I've always liked men and had crushes on guys and eventhough I might’ve kinda experimented with a friend in high school but I didn't like it (i moreso liked the attention she gave me - this girl was gay btw - but when she got close to me physically I remember moving back and feeling uncomfortable once when we took a picture together and she was really close to me).
- Date posted
- 4y ago
hi, i don’t know if op, you (f e n n a) is still active on here, but if u r, please reply! i’m a bit confused about this piece!
- Date posted
- 2y ago
God bless you, god bless you. Thank you for sharing this with me. May your God recompense you.
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Hey am I able to talk about this?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
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