Please someone talk to me I'm suffering from pOCD and false memories regarding a real event that happened 3 years ago. The event was my interaction with a child, the false memories are... Well.. Gross and disgusting... I don't know what to think. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and not thinking logically but when you have ocd, anything is possible because doubt plays the main role here. I fear to have done inappropriate things to a child when I don't remember them... Does it make sense? I have the relief that she liked me! So it's highly probable I didn't do anything wrong but... I still have those false memories lurking... "did I flirt?" ; "did I grope her?" ; "did I put her in my lap?"; "did I touched her to get sexual gratification?" I don't remember a lot because my memory is fried. I don't know if I should k-ll myself or not

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Killing your self is never the answer. Do you have a therapist you see for this issue? OCD therapists do know about pocd and it would be safe to talk to them. One thing about ocd is that it attacks things we value, and to you not harming children is an important thing. These values tell me that you are a good person and that harming a child is the last thing you would ever do.

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

Thank you... And I wish I had a therapist. There isn't a ocd specialist in my country. Also, yes... I don't want to hurt anyone but for some reason I don't trust my past self! And I fear to have done bad things

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@myocdstory I’m sorry things are hard now. What have you been doing to get better? Have you used any of the erp available in this app? Be patient and kind to yourself. Remember these fears about what you did in the past are your ocd talking and treat it as such. Accept the uncertainty and avoid doing compulsions based on it.

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 I will try. Thank you!

ching

Date posted: 5y

Hey love, I know it’s hard but please don’t stress! OCD has a way of messing with your mind and it can be really hard to deal with, especially false memories and the nature surrounding them. From what you’ve said above, you clearly know yourself and that you didn’t in any way do those things to the child. Your mind is trying to convince you you did. A way you can deal with this is box breathing (if you’re unsure, search it up) - it’ll help reduce your stress and process of thoughts and while you do it, gives your mind a break from all these intrusive thoughts. It can also improve mental clarity. Try meditation as well, you can download an app that allows you to follow along. (Have you tried or considered therapy also?) Please please please don’t kill yourself, I know what you’re dealing with is hard but suicide is not the answer I promise!! When this happens, maybe be around friends or family member your trust and feel comfortable with, so they can help support you! I’m genuinely sorry you’re experiencing this, and that you get better!! Sending love your way ??

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

Thank you for your support!! I'm having a horrible day/night. I can't sleep wondering if I did anything. I know the kid liked me because she told her parents how sweet I was and my friend (her sister) told me. I have chills on my spine. I want to believe that I didn't do anything wrong but Ive gained a false memory that I put her in my lap?? I'm just... Grossed out... I will try it I've went to therapy. Didn't work...

Diego

Date posted: 5y

@myocdstory Saying maybe yes,maybe not can be a little hard specially for false memories To get better you have to stop analysing and ruminating over the memory,a great response could be I don't think I did something inappropriate,but maybe.. There's a small chance And live with this uncertainty learn about unconditional self acceptance

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

@Diego?? It's just... This false memory is really bad. I don't exactly want to accept uncertainty

Diego

Date posted: 5y

@myocdstory I know it feels so real But you can do this Analising,comparing,ruminating over the memory is not helpful

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

@Diego?? I try not to but I'm really scared that I have groped the butt of that little girl's butt during the piggyback ride because I don't remember where I placed my hands... And the reason why I am so concerned is because back then, I told myself that I had to give her the piggyback the right way (my arms under her legs). What if I did it? Groped the girl? I feel so disgusting thinking about it... I was groped twice in my life, I don't want to believe I would do it to another human being!

ching

Date posted: 5y

That’s okay, at least you’ve tried therapy - hopefully the box breathing or meditation helps!! Maybe try and think of the positive things that happened that day you were with her, it could cancel out the false memory?

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

I'll try but... It's bothering me so much to not remember where my hands were and not know every detail...

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