- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I think that the distressing thought is that you have soap on you, right? In that case, the ERP exercise should be imagining that you have actually done that (or actually doing that if you don't find it too anxious to do?) and NOT washing. Not an expert, but that's what I think. And the time matters, I have found that 60' of staying with the anxious feelings is really important for them to start lowering. Hope this helps!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you. That did help. I think I'm getting caught up in should I just allow the intrusive thought to be without doing the compulsion, or actually do what's inside the intrusive thought, which would be lathering soap on me and never rinsing it off.
- Date posted
- 5y
You have asked the same question before. You have to let go of the rumination part. Just sit with the discomfort of not knowing. Learn more about OCD about, listen to Patrick Mc Graths Q&A, ver good information! Dont let OCD drive your actions, develope another way of handöing these thoughts. Write scripts and listen to them, "maybe I have soap everwhere, I dont care..."
- Date posted
- 5y
When in doubt, act normal. Estrids right, I remember talking this through multiple times before. Try inserting a different "fear" and see if you get some perspective. If someone's obsession is "what if I'm gay" and their compulsion is rumination, erp is to say "maybe, maybe not" and move on, not to go have sex with someone of the same gender. If someone's obsession is "what if I ran over a toddler?" and their compulsion is to inspect their car bumper for blood, erp is to say "maybe" and not inspect the car. They don't have to actually go run over s toddler to face the fear. It's the same concept for you.
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Very good suggestions Katie?!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you Estrid & Katie. That makes sense. Where my mind goes after I get the initial obsession "What if I put soap on my TV & What if rubbed soap on my body" is how to approach it. The cycle for it looks like this: "Now, what do I need to do in order to overcome this thought? Do I need to rub soap on my TV or leave it alone? Oh wait, now have I done that and rubbed soap on my TV? Oh great, now there's soap rubbed on my TV. Shouldn't I get a cloth to remove it? If I wipe potential soap off, that's a compulsion (BAD!) & now I need to fix that compulsion by putting soap on my TV. If I'm not putting soap on my TV, I'm not following correct ERP. I need to make myself anxious beyond facing the obsession & not performing the compulsion. To take that simple approach wouldn't be enough. Should I rub soap on my TV? It technically would make Aaron uncomfortable to do so. I should be just as content with soap on the screen as off the screen. Oh wait, now have I done that and rubbed soap on my TV? I should get a cloth to wipe it off. What if it's avoidance behavior to not have soap on my TV, so now I need to put soap on my TV? Aaron wouldn't choose to purposefully put soap on the TV, but maybe I should since it'd bother me some? Since it'd bother me some, isn't that OCD? Does my new reality need to be leaving soap on TV screens? Therapists have people do higher end exposures besides just face the original obsession & not do the compulsion, so what if I need to put soap on my TV & habituate to that?" I'm trying to ignore the thoughts. Its a really strong pull to figure out how to address something with exposure, as therapists have different techniques, so it's bothering me a lot. I will try to take your advice & won't post anymore as I know it's crossing into reassurance territory. Thanks for your helpful advice and I will keep reminding myself to stick to just leaning into the obsession & not doing the compulsion.
- Date posted
- 5y
@canigetawitness I know that thinking loop very well, and I wish you strength to break it?
- Date posted
- 5y
I really understand it beacuse I often feel the same, and I have got the answer from my therapist that I told you before, there are different ways, and you must choose one of them. If the biggest fear is "what if I dont rinse away the soap enough when I shower?" Than it can be a good exposure to leave soap on purpose on your body. Whars your greatest fear in this situation? When you have an answer to that, do the opposite and sit with the discomfort.
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm currently trying to find an OCD therapist who understands the mechanism of my OCD & what you & Katie are advising me to do. It's surprisingly been hard to find a person who gets it & will help work alongside me.
- Date posted
- 5y
Where do you live? Can you reach a therapist through this app?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Estrid Yes, I'm actually seeing a therapist through this app. Still trying to explain my symptoms though, so maybe I should try someone else.
- Date posted
- 5y
@canigetawitness Dont give up?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Estrid I just watched the weekly NOCD webinar with Dr. McGrath & I asked the question about the whole shower scenario & he suggested showering normal, getting out & then putting a dab of soap on my hands & walk away. He said he would recommend building up from there. I feel like it was a mistake to even ask that question because now I'm panicking over what to do. Is my goal to take a shower regularly or is my goal to shower and then leave myself lathered in soap. It's all confusing and I feel helpless, just, this is too much. Conflicting instructions. I still want to stick by the approach to experience the obsession and then not perform the compulsion, because I thought that was the whole point of ERP. But after asking the question on the webinar tonight, I've just fell down the rabbit hole even more. How far do you go living life backwards until it completely crushes you? I'm tired of constantly feeling like I have to do the opposite of what Aaron's values are. I'm so tired.
- Date posted
- 5y
@canigetawitness Oh I'm so sorry? The most important thing is to no that there isn't one perfect answer to your question. The goal is normal showers, but there are different paths to take. Choose one strategy and hold on to it! Dont give up.
- Date posted
- 5y
If the goal is to just take a regular shower, what is the point of habituating to soap rubbed on me after the shower? That's whats confusing. Also, it was the OCD that suggested I rub soap on me in the first place. I feel like no one is understanding the mechanism of my OCD, not even therapists/doctors, and I feel hopeless.
- Date posted
- 5y
I just want to make my own decisions, not let OCD make them.
- Date posted
- 5y
My greatest fear is that I'm supposed to do the opposite of myself for exposure. What I mean by that is if I get an intrusive thought "You're going to get a handful of soap and smear it on your TV", that means I need to do what's inside the intrusive thought, instead of just let that thought be there, not reacting to it, letting it drift away. Same goes for the shower when I get the thought after I'm finished "You're going to pump soap into your hands and smear it on your body". So then I'm like is that just an obsessive thought or something I need to be doing. In short I have this belief that I'm supposed to take what's inside the obsession and actually do the content inside. So that's the biggest fear. If I don't, I feel like I'd be doing ERP incorrectly, that's a big fear too. Yes, purposefully putting soap on my body, rubbing it in on TV would bother me. But it's not the fear. You're right I need to pick a strategy and go with, so for now I'm going to try and embrace my obsessions as they are & not react compulsively.
- Date posted
- 5y
I get you. I think you know what your biggest fears are. Try that strategy. And you can make scripts where you tell youself "maybe I do my exposures wrong, maybe not". Hang in there!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi! I've been on my OCD healing journey for about half a year and I have seen a lot of success. I'm reaching out for advice, I am very willing to do exposures because I know the more I do them, the more I get better, but I struggle with the response prevention part. I don't know how to control my brain when it comes to facing the fears especially since most of my compulsions are mental. I can tell myself the typical things "I am okay with the uncertainty of this happening", etc. but its like my brain doesn't believe them. I've been stuck in this disconnect for a while and would love advice you have heard from a therapist or learned that has really help you.
- Date posted
- 21w
I have just recently realized that I had SO OCD. This began whenever I was watching porn and had an intrusive thought about the guy in the porn. It was more minor at first, it was a majority of what I was thinking about throughout the day but it didn’t feel as distressing at first. If I had downtime to think about it, it would affect me but if I was just going about my day I wouldn’t notice it. I began going through the compulsions of checking myself. This lasted for a while until another obsession occurred. Then it seemed as if my SO OCD took a step back. I would have flare ups but they would seem to pass. Recently, I had a very bad night of constant compulsions and looking at pictures and imagining things to check myself. After that night it was very distressing, it affected me to the point where people around me began to notice and ask me if I was okay. One of the big reasons I was so upset was my girlfriend, we have been together for over 3 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking “Oh my god, if I am gay I can never be with her.” I would sit and cry about it thinking I would lose her and that might life would change because I was gay. I finally had enough and talked to her and my parents. We did some research and I was so shocked to find out that I had a form of OCD, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders just knowing that other people have been where I am and that I’m not gay. However, I may have naively expected the compulsions and obsessive thoughts to go away now that I knew I had an actual problem. But I found that the compulsions and thoughts were still there and I was going to put some effort into getting better. I have researched and now know what to do when experiencing intrusive thoughts, yet I still have been performing the compulsions which is just feeding into the OCD. I find myself having intrusive thoughts and then start performing compulsions to see if they are true. What really bothers me is when I have an intrusive thought that tells me that I do like something. But when I think about it I have no desire to pursue those thoughts. However when I feed into the compulsions they just seem to feed into each other. It is like my OCD ignores all the things that I know I like and goes straight to panic mode. I am also trying to do ERP and am going to start doing my best to get better. Does anyone have any tips for not performing the compulsions no matter how anxious you are feeling and no matter how real the intrusive thoughts seem to feel?
- Date posted
- 20w
So I think what's been so specifically tough for me (idk if this is what others go through with the real event stuff) is that ... Well I basically have this mental system... - Something has been dealt with -- which means it's "ok" it's "acceptable" assessment of ___. Rumination to "problem solve" with the intrusive thought. - CONSTANT inquiries to Challenge that previous assessment conclusion i.e. "no that hasn't actually been deal with, you didn't think about ____ or this other angle or this other new thing related to it" etc. Idk how tf you fix that with ERP? Idk up from down at this point Is the "system" OCD? Should people not try to problem solve (even though it's actually rumination)? Should I not engage with the "challenges?" HOW TF does Peace of Mind actually happen when the answers seem to be "you must be delusional" or "you must leave (significant) things un-dealt with / open ended" Like, what's that actual solution here? Hopefully this made sense. Thanks
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