I'm stuck in an OCD cycle and having a hard time trying to figure out how to treat it with ERP. Basically what happens when I go to the bathroom, shower, walk past the kitchen sink, my mind goes "You've just ran over to the soap/shampoo bottle, and pumped soap on yourself for no reason." I think that's a weird thought, where did that come from. Next, I'll sometimes re-rinse my hands, body, etc. to make sure I haven't just ran and pumped soap on me for no reason. For ERP I get confused if I'm just supposed to let the thought "you've just ran over to the soap/shampoo bottle and pumped soap on yourself for no reason" be there and not react with compulsions. Or if I need to pump soap on me and not rinse it off, making pumping soap on me the new norm? I don't know, it's confusing to me.

Thank you. That did help. I think I'm getting caught up in should I just allow the intrusive thought to be without doing the compulsion, or actually do what's inside the intrusive thought, which would be lathering soap on me and never rinsing it off.

When in doubt, act normal. Estrids right, I remember talking this through multiple times before. Try inserting a different "fear" and see if you get some perspective. If someone's obsession is "what if I'm gay" and their compulsion is rumination, erp is to say "maybe, maybe not" and move on, not to go have sex with someone of the same gender. If someone's obsession is "what if I ran over a toddler?" and their compulsion is to inspect their car bumper for blood, erp is to say "maybe" and not inspect the car. They don't have to actually go run over s toddler to face the fear. It's the same concept for you.

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Very good suggestions Katie?!

Thank you Estrid & Katie. That makes sense. Where my mind goes after I get the initial obsession "What if I put soap on my TV & What if rubbed soap on my body" is how to approach it. The cycle for it looks like this: "Now, what do I need to do in order to overcome this thought? Do I need to rub soap on my TV or leave it alone? Oh wait, now have I done that and rubbed soap on my TV? Oh great, now there's soap rubbed on my TV. Shouldn't I get a cloth to remove it? If I wipe potential soap off, that's a compulsion (BAD!) & now I need to fix that compulsion by putting soap on my TV. If I'm not putting soap on my TV, I'm not following correct ERP. I need to make myself anxious beyond facing the obsession & not performing the compulsion. To take that simple approach wouldn't be enough. Should I rub soap on my TV? It technically would make Aaron uncomfortable to do so. I should be just as content with soap on the screen as off the screen. Oh wait, now have I done that and rubbed soap on my TV? I should get a cloth to wipe it off. What if it's avoidance behavior to not have soap on my TV, so now I need to put soap on my TV? Aaron wouldn't choose to purposefully put soap on the TV, but maybe I should since it'd bother me some? Since it'd bother me some, isn't that OCD? Does my new reality need to be leaving soap on TV screens? Therapists have people do higher end exposures besides just face the original obsession & not do the compulsion, so what if I need to put soap on my TV & habituate to that?" I'm trying to ignore the thoughts. Its a really strong pull to figure out how to address something with exposure, as therapists have different techniques, so it's bothering me a lot. I will try to take your advice & won't post anymore as I know it's crossing into reassurance territory. Thanks for your helpful advice and I will keep reminding myself to stick to just leaning into the obsession & not doing the compulsion.

@canigetawitness I know that thinking loop very well, and I wish you strength to break it?

Where do you live? Can you reach a therapist through this app?

@Estrid Yes, I'm actually seeing a therapist through this app. Still trying to explain my symptoms though, so maybe I should try someone else.

@canigetawitness Dont give up?

@Estrid I just watched the weekly NOCD webinar with Dr. McGrath & I asked the question about the whole shower scenario & he suggested showering normal, getting out & then putting a dab of soap on my hands & walk away. He said he would recommend building up from there. I feel like it was a mistake to even ask that question because now I'm panicking over what to do. Is my goal to take a shower regularly or is my goal to shower and then leave myself lathered in soap. It's all confusing and I feel helpless, just, this is too much. Conflicting instructions. I still want to stick by the approach to experience the obsession and then not perform the compulsion, because I thought that was the whole point of ERP. But after asking the question on the webinar tonight, I've just fell down the rabbit hole even more. How far do you go living life backwards until it completely crushes you? I'm tired of constantly feeling like I have to do the opposite of what Aaron's values are. I'm so tired.

@canigetawitness Oh I'm so sorry? The most important thing is to no that there isn't one perfect answer to your question. The goal is normal showers, but there are different paths to take. Choose one strategy and hold on to it! Dont give up.

I get you. I think you know what your biggest fears are. Try that strategy. And you can make scripts where you tell youself "maybe I do my exposures wrong, maybe not". Hang in there!