- Username
- canigetawitness
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I think that the distressing thought is that you have soap on you, right? In that case, the ERP exercise should be imagining that you have actually done that (or actually doing that if you don't find it too anxious to do?) and NOT washing. Not an expert, but that's what I think. And the time matters, I have found that 60' of staying with the anxious feelings is really important for them to start lowering. Hope this helps!
Thank you. That did help. I think I'm getting caught up in should I just allow the intrusive thought to be without doing the compulsion, or actually do what's inside the intrusive thought, which would be lathering soap on me and never rinsing it off.
You have asked the same question before. You have to let go of the rumination part. Just sit with the discomfort of not knowing. Learn more about OCD about, listen to Patrick Mc Graths Q&A, ver good information! Dont let OCD drive your actions, develope another way of handöing these thoughts. Write scripts and listen to them, "maybe I have soap everwhere, I dont care..."
When in doubt, act normal. Estrids right, I remember talking this through multiple times before. Try inserting a different "fear" and see if you get some perspective. If someone's obsession is "what if I'm gay" and their compulsion is rumination, erp is to say "maybe, maybe not" and move on, not to go have sex with someone of the same gender. If someone's obsession is "what if I ran over a toddler?" and their compulsion is to inspect their car bumper for blood, erp is to say "maybe" and not inspect the car. They don't have to actually go run over s toddler to face the fear. It's the same concept for you.
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Very good suggestions Katie?!
Thank you Estrid & Katie. That makes sense. Where my mind goes after I get the initial obsession "What if I put soap on my TV & What if rubbed soap on my body" is how to approach it. The cycle for it looks like this: "Now, what do I need to do in order to overcome this thought? Do I need to rub soap on my TV or leave it alone? Oh wait, now have I done that and rubbed soap on my TV? Oh great, now there's soap rubbed on my TV. Shouldn't I get a cloth to remove it? If I wipe potential soap off, that's a compulsion (BAD!) & now I need to fix that compulsion by putting soap on my TV. If I'm not putting soap on my TV, I'm not following correct ERP. I need to make myself anxious beyond facing the obsession & not performing the compulsion. To take that simple approach wouldn't be enough. Should I rub soap on my TV? It technically would make Aaron uncomfortable to do so. I should be just as content with soap on the screen as off the screen. Oh wait, now have I done that and rubbed soap on my TV? I should get a cloth to wipe it off. What if it's avoidance behavior to not have soap on my TV, so now I need to put soap on my TV? Aaron wouldn't choose to purposefully put soap on the TV, but maybe I should since it'd bother me some? Since it'd bother me some, isn't that OCD? Does my new reality need to be leaving soap on TV screens? Therapists have people do higher end exposures besides just face the original obsession & not do the compulsion, so what if I need to put soap on my TV & habituate to that?" I'm trying to ignore the thoughts. Its a really strong pull to figure out how to address something with exposure, as therapists have different techniques, so it's bothering me a lot. I will try to take your advice & won't post anymore as I know it's crossing into reassurance territory. Thanks for your helpful advice and I will keep reminding myself to stick to just leaning into the obsession & not doing the compulsion.
@canigetawitness I know that thinking loop very well, and I wish you strength to break it?
I really understand it beacuse I often feel the same, and I have got the answer from my therapist that I told you before, there are different ways, and you must choose one of them. If the biggest fear is "what if I dont rinse away the soap enough when I shower?" Than it can be a good exposure to leave soap on purpose on your body. Whars your greatest fear in this situation? When you have an answer to that, do the opposite and sit with the discomfort.
I'm currently trying to find an OCD therapist who understands the mechanism of my OCD & what you & Katie are advising me to do. It's surprisingly been hard to find a person who gets it & will help work alongside me.
Where do you live? Can you reach a therapist through this app?
@Estrid Yes, I'm actually seeing a therapist through this app. Still trying to explain my symptoms though, so maybe I should try someone else.
@canigetawitness Dont give up?
@Estrid I just watched the weekly NOCD webinar with Dr. McGrath & I asked the question about the whole shower scenario & he suggested showering normal, getting out & then putting a dab of soap on my hands & walk away. He said he would recommend building up from there. I feel like it was a mistake to even ask that question because now I'm panicking over what to do. Is my goal to take a shower regularly or is my goal to shower and then leave myself lathered in soap. It's all confusing and I feel helpless, just, this is too much. Conflicting instructions. I still want to stick by the approach to experience the obsession and then not perform the compulsion, because I thought that was the whole point of ERP. But after asking the question on the webinar tonight, I've just fell down the rabbit hole even more. How far do you go living life backwards until it completely crushes you? I'm tired of constantly feeling like I have to do the opposite of what Aaron's values are. I'm so tired.
@canigetawitness Oh I'm so sorry? The most important thing is to no that there isn't one perfect answer to your question. The goal is normal showers, but there are different paths to take. Choose one strategy and hold on to it! Dont give up.
If the goal is to just take a regular shower, what is the point of habituating to soap rubbed on me after the shower? That's whats confusing. Also, it was the OCD that suggested I rub soap on me in the first place. I feel like no one is understanding the mechanism of my OCD, not even therapists/doctors, and I feel hopeless.
I just want to make my own decisions, not let OCD make them.
My greatest fear is that I'm supposed to do the opposite of myself for exposure. What I mean by that is if I get an intrusive thought "You're going to get a handful of soap and smear it on your TV", that means I need to do what's inside the intrusive thought, instead of just let that thought be there, not reacting to it, letting it drift away. Same goes for the shower when I get the thought after I'm finished "You're going to pump soap into your hands and smear it on your body". So then I'm like is that just an obsessive thought or something I need to be doing. In short I have this belief that I'm supposed to take what's inside the obsession and actually do the content inside. So that's the biggest fear. If I don't, I feel like I'd be doing ERP incorrectly, that's a big fear too. Yes, purposefully putting soap on my body, rubbing it in on TV would bother me. But it's not the fear. You're right I need to pick a strategy and go with, so for now I'm going to try and embrace my obsessions as they are & not react compulsively.
I get you. I think you know what your biggest fears are. Try that strategy. And you can make scripts where you tell youself "maybe I do my exposures wrong, maybe not". Hang in there!
Do you ever get stuck trying to figure out whether your thinking is a compulsion,obsession or normal thinking. Im stuck for the last 3 hours. The question keeps posing itself. Question is how do i do erp for this?
I got the intrusive thought "What if you unknowingly ran into your kitchen, pumped soap in your hands & rubbed it on your TV". My compulsions now are trying to figure out if I did that, looking for potential soap rubbed on the TV. How would you apply ERP to this scenerio? I'm confused about how it works to break the cycle.
I'm really confused about what ERP actually is. I've read that it's all about facing your intrusive thoughts & not doing the compulsions, but then I also hear it's about more than that, like eating off a toilet seat, or even licking a toilet seat. So I guess my question is if ERP is really about letting my intrusive thoughts be there and not reacting to them, whats the point of doing far-out-there exposures that would bother be OCD or no OCD. I could lick toilets, eat from them, roll around in dumpsters, make things opposite from the way I want them all day, but I'm still not going to like doing those things. It's weird because the description of ERP seems to contradict things when it's actually put into practice.
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