uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
aabigaillaabigaill
- Date posted
- 5y
i’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, i definitely have felt like that too. like what’s even the point of trying to be different if it’s so hard. that being said, a few months into therapy, it started to feel more normal to be better? like, it stopped feeling like a panic attack to touch a counter. it wasn’t just that i could actually do it and not cry but that it genuinely didn’t bother me anymore. i think it’s better to think about it as feeling better, not about becoming normal. i still think it’s gross to not wipe my phone down at the end of the day and it turns out that’s not a compulsion, it’s just a preference. it’s okay to be however you naturally are, you just want to feel okay and like you can live a life apart from compulsions
uwotm8uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
Everything is dismissed as a compulsion by both ocd sufferers and non sufferers though just because they know I have ocd! Which then makes it hard to know what to dismiss and what not to dismiss because when you ask if it’s silly to worry or not because you can’t differentiate, no one will answer you meaning there’s no choice but to bottle it cuz what’s the fucking point
uwotm8uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 Like if you can’t *quite* tell if it’s ocd or not and if you SHOULD dismiss it or SHOULD be cautious in the early stages of recovery but no fucker will answer you, how do you learn? I give up
aabigaillaabigaill
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 omg i totally feel you on that, not everything’s a compulsion and i wasn’t trying to make it sound like that! something that helped me was realizing that it’s part of ocd to obsess over whether something is OCD or not. that’s really complicated and sometimes it all just feels like too much to think about.
aabigaillaabigaill
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 it’s really hard and so exhausting. i’m still exhausted a lot of the time, but things do feel better eventually
uwotm8uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
@aabigaill No no I understand what you were saying!! I wasn’t referring to you I’m sorry! I meant like certain specific people on this app will pipe up and say nothing worth saying because they expect you to know it’s ocd automatically- well if I did I wouldn’t have a problem I was asking about in the first place! Makes me feel alienated and I just shut down and sink further into feeling low because I think “well clearly then I’m the only one who can’t tell if it’s ocd or not therefore I can’t afford to relax and I will never not think this way” It makes me want to die sometimes in all honesty because I can’t tell what’s what and NO ONE here will help by saying yeah you’re allowed to dismiss that as ocd - I just think it would help get the ball rolling. I can’t learn what’s ocd and what’s actual rational worry if no one will help me either way
aabigaillaabigaill
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 yeah, i totally feel that, i think people a lot of time don’t want to give reassurance and feel like they can’t say anything substantial bc of that. i def sometimes don’t know how to help without reassuring people. for intrusive thoughts the thing that’s helped me is that i wouldn’t be upset by thoughts if i agreed with them, like i would be fine with them if i wanted to think like that. i sometimes compare a worry that i know isn’t ocd with something that i think may be so that i know how to cope
uwotm8uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
@aabigaill I struggle with not knowing what’s really a threat and what isn’t. I don’t get like violent or homosexual intrusive thoughts etc, I also can’t trust my own memory so this is my problem. I have shut down at the moment and I hide it fairly well outwardly
aabigaillaabigaill
- Date posted
- 5y
ahh i feel, therapists are so helpful with helping you figure out how to assess threat levels (at least mine has been!) it sounds really hard though and while i haven’t felt that specifically i have felt the general panic around ocd stuff so i hope you’re able to find a way around it all
Related posts
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- Date posted
- 24w
OCD as a teen TW suicide
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- Date posted
- 22w
Rant...
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neverdealing...
- Date posted
- 21w
Confused and it makes me feel stupid
I’m definitely having an episode right now. A few times I’ve thought about coming onto this app and writing something but then I spiral further and further and I forget about anything except what’s triggering me. Then I think about this app again and intend to write a post… but again I’m spiraling too hard to focus on anything else. But I finally ended up here because I got an email from NOCD. I opened it and read about someone who ‘overcame their OCD.’ It made me spiral harder, because I genuinely don’t understand how someone can control this. How do I stop? How do I silence my brain? I was told to sit with my thoughts and not try to divert them, but if I do that I have an extreme episode so bad that I feel disconnected from myself. I looked at myself in the mirror and it felt like my eyes were seeing someone standing in front of me and not my reflection. It scares me to think that I will be experiencing these episodes forever. I literally just put my phone down twice because I thought my cat was choking to death because he had a hairball (he’s fine) I just feel like I can’t see a way out of this. It’s not curable, and I don’t understand how someone can ‘conquer’ something that feels so out of control Obviously it’s possible, but unfortunately that reassurance doesn’t always break through the most awful thoughts Sometimes there’s nothing that can make me calm down, I just have to ride it out I hope there’s never a day where it’s so out of control that I can’t keep it in at work, and I ruin my own life by having a severe panic attack while I’m there and being fired. If I had the type of episodes at work that I have consistently at home, I would be so humiliated. It scares me. I’m trying so hard to be normal like everyone else. I just want to be happy. I just want to live.
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