- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
i’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, i definitely have felt like that too. like what’s even the point of trying to be different if it’s so hard. that being said, a few months into therapy, it started to feel more normal to be better? like, it stopped feeling like a panic attack to touch a counter. it wasn’t just that i could actually do it and not cry but that it genuinely didn’t bother me anymore. i think it’s better to think about it as feeling better, not about becoming normal. i still think it’s gross to not wipe my phone down at the end of the day and it turns out that’s not a compulsion, it’s just a preference. it’s okay to be however you naturally are, you just want to feel okay and like you can live a life apart from compulsions
- Date posted
- 5y
Everything is dismissed as a compulsion by both ocd sufferers and non sufferers though just because they know I have ocd! Which then makes it hard to know what to dismiss and what not to dismiss because when you ask if it’s silly to worry or not because you can’t differentiate, no one will answer you meaning there’s no choice but to bottle it cuz what’s the fucking point
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 Like if you can’t *quite* tell if it’s ocd or not and if you SHOULD dismiss it or SHOULD be cautious in the early stages of recovery but no fucker will answer you, how do you learn? I give up
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 omg i totally feel you on that, not everything’s a compulsion and i wasn’t trying to make it sound like that! something that helped me was realizing that it’s part of ocd to obsess over whether something is OCD or not. that’s really complicated and sometimes it all just feels like too much to think about.
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 it’s really hard and so exhausting. i’m still exhausted a lot of the time, but things do feel better eventually
- Date posted
- 5y
@aabigaill No no I understand what you were saying!! I wasn’t referring to you I’m sorry! I meant like certain specific people on this app will pipe up and say nothing worth saying because they expect you to know it’s ocd automatically- well if I did I wouldn’t have a problem I was asking about in the first place! Makes me feel alienated and I just shut down and sink further into feeling low because I think “well clearly then I’m the only one who can’t tell if it’s ocd or not therefore I can’t afford to relax and I will never not think this way” It makes me want to die sometimes in all honesty because I can’t tell what’s what and NO ONE here will help by saying yeah you’re allowed to dismiss that as ocd - I just think it would help get the ball rolling. I can’t learn what’s ocd and what’s actual rational worry if no one will help me either way
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 yeah, i totally feel that, i think people a lot of time don’t want to give reassurance and feel like they can’t say anything substantial bc of that. i def sometimes don’t know how to help without reassuring people. for intrusive thoughts the thing that’s helped me is that i wouldn’t be upset by thoughts if i agreed with them, like i would be fine with them if i wanted to think like that. i sometimes compare a worry that i know isn’t ocd with something that i think may be so that i know how to cope
- Date posted
- 5y
@aabigaill I struggle with not knowing what’s really a threat and what isn’t. I don’t get like violent or homosexual intrusive thoughts etc, I also can’t trust my own memory so this is my problem. I have shut down at the moment and I hide it fairly well outwardly
- Date posted
- 5y
ahh i feel, therapists are so helpful with helping you figure out how to assess threat levels (at least mine has been!) it sounds really hard though and while i haven’t felt that specifically i have felt the general panic around ocd stuff so i hope you’re able to find a way around it all
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
My blood has never boiled this much than before. I genuinely wanna throw hands at someone and just scream. My parents always ignore my feelings and shit and always make me the bad one. I can let my shit out around these motherfuckers. My college plans and basically what I dreamed of is fucking destroyed. Nobody fucking understands the shit I have to deal with. It’s always on me. All the damn time. I fucking hate everyone. And whenever I try to fix myself for the better, surprise surprise, EVERYTHING ALWAYS FUCKS UP Everytime i try to vent, they never respond or never understand or it always turns back on me. My heart is beating so fucking fast. I can never enjoy anything with this shit.
- Date posted
- 20w
I'm really frustrated right now because once again I feel like I can't keep up with my own brain and I just can't keep doing this. I'm so tired of doing this. My head is always going and going and going and I just want to unplug it. It makes me so stressed. It's like I have someone else in my head who won't shut up and is always pointing everything I do out. Like I'm walking on eggshells around myself so I don't trigger these thoughts. But if I walk on egg shells then it just goes on about something else and I feel like I'm going crazy.. I feel so bad because it makes me so snappy. I want to bash my head in because I'm so over it. The only thing I know that helps is anxiety meds, because I had one one time and it actually really helped me (it didn't even do it's job! Because of how bad my anxiety is!! I'm just so desperate at this point for relief) But the last time I brought up going on meds for anxiety with my mom she said I'll get addicted, like my dad, or my grandma, or whoever else in my family because everyone in my family is addicted to SOMETHING. I don't see the issue in trying though. I feel like I'm someone who could really benefit from anxiety meds. I don't talk about my feelings often BECAUSE of anxiety, so it seems like I'm just trying to go on meds for no reason. But it's like..my body hurts. All the time. And my brain never stops. My brain is so messed up. I feel like I could do so much more if I wasn't like this. It's never going away, I've tried and I've tried and I'm still a mess. I just want it to stop. I'm not asking for much. I just want the fear to stop and the intrusive thoughts to stop and the racing thoughts and the feelings of doom and the nervousness and and I actually want to feel okay in my own skin for fucking once. I've tried everything nothing works im losing patience and I'm losing hope. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I feel like my brain is broken and that makes me sad to be honest. I feel like everyone around me can work. Why can't my stupid brain work???? I try so hard. I try so hard all the time. And it still doesn't do what it needs to do. I hate myself so much.
- Date posted
- 16w
I just feel like therapy isn’t working… like I get to talk about myself and understand myself… but I’m already incredibly self aware. My therapist thought I was like 5 years older than I am… and she gives me such basic strategies that do absolutely nothing for me. And a psychiatrist prescribed me with Zoloft… but I don’t know if T want to take medication. I’m scared of side effects… and I’m scared of getting better… I’m scared of letting my guard down. I know it will make me less cautious which makes me less likely to push myself to perfection like I currently do, which I can’t have happen. Every time I talk to my mom about it, she’s always like “Let’s talk about this some other time, I’m busy with other things”, and then never remembers. But in the rare moments we do talk about it, she treats it like I’m signing up to be a drug addict. I also feel very guilty for spending so much of my parents’ money- therapy… medication… etc… and also the idea of my being unlovable is so deeply engraved in my brain… I genuinely, truly believe it. No therapy or medication can fix it. I can’t change my mind. My therapist tells me my misophonia is not a “deal-breaker” and that someone would be lucky to have me as a partner… but then why hasn’t anyone ever liked me? My own FAMILY can’t stand me. How do I believe something I know isn’t true? That’s even harder to accept than me being unlovable. I can’t see someone loving me. And it is so incredibly exhausting to seek love,e I know I cannot have. My sister says, “It will get better with age…” It has only ever gotten worse. To the point I don’t want to get better. It has reached the severity where I feel more safe and successful with anxiety. My past 3 birthdays have been me wishing for therapy. And now I have therpay- and medication, the potential key… and I refuse? Am I too deep in? I cant get out, it’s too late. How did absolutely no one notice how much I had and have been hurting? Why did no one listen to my cries or worries? I feel really depressed and hopeless right now. It takes so much effort to get up every day… I’m so tired.
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