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giantsfan88

Date posted: 5y

So I've have OCD from a young age, about age 13, which stemmed from being over protective of my siblings, then as time went on turned into contamination OCD, HOCD, being scared I'm schizophrenia. But now I'm dealing with POCD and this is really fucking with me. I'm now 21 and let me say I'll never in my life hurt/harm a child. But I was on Instagram last year and someone I followed posted a pic of their daughter, and I started getting intrusive thoughts. So to relieve the thoughts I masturbated to it and felt guilt instantly. IDK if this is hormones, POCD, or if I'm actually a P. I remember when I used to masturbate to similar things when I was about 15 to girls much younger than my age at that time, which I am now also repulsed by. I thought nothing of those thoughts, until last year, when I got scared of actually being a P. Currently I masturbate to normal porn and have only fancy girls my age and seek out relationships with them. (21-24). These thoughts went away and I got a Gf a year older than me. Everything was going well until about yesterday, when the thought popped up out of my head out of nowhere. Then once again I began searching things about "POCD and what if I'm a P" and kept searching all these forums on reddit and such. I now believe that the cops will come to my house because of my google searches from years ago and I'm a terrible person. Besides that thought I've also had these: Afraid I assualted someone when I was 8 years old when I brushed a females breast (accidentally) Always afraid I'd be jumping off escalator at mall Felt like I'd blurt something inappropriate Closing ever cabinet in the house every time Everytine would see scary image, always stuck in my head. Afraid of going to hell, afraid of being possessed. Afraid of having schizophrenia Afraid of being gay Afraid of having an unknown health condition Afraid of being a pedo Always put head down in class Focused on blinking Afraid of killing parents and/or other people Fear of being attracted to mom Obsessed over how we sleep Fear of going to hell/death Don't feel in body/feel weird Afraid of being trans Afraid someone would rob house Anxiety over girlfriends past relationships

Sunflower

Date posted: 5y

You are soooo brave to tell your history, you need to accept uncertainty,maybe I'm maybe I'm not, that help sooo much , you will never be certain and that's ok.

Emmaaaahh

Date posted: 5y

I also believe you are incredibly brave for sharing all of that! I have a theme of OCD which causes me to believe a lot of things I’m doing is “wrong” and that I’m a “bad person” because of the things I say and do and feel. The best thing to tell yourself in this situation is... “It’s possible that I’m a bad person, but it’s also possible that I’m not.” Accept that you’re uncertain of this as best you can. Accepting uncertainty will eventually trip up your OCD even though I know it’s hard. Also I just have to say the whole fear of jumping off the escalator thing at the mall I can definitely relate to but didn’t really recognize as my OCD until now. I’ve had it since I was about 8 years old so I have experienced many MANY themes as well. Keep fighting!!!

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