My ex best friend and I had a tremendous fall out 3 years ago. We were inseparable for so many years and my ocd started to latch onto this idea of “what if something bad happens to her and she develops ocd like me and her life is ‘ruined’?” bc her mom had very clear symptoms of it too. So I started fighting with her all the time constantly checking her every thought and action which I know was toxic on my end and so annoying and invasive, but I felt like if I didn’t then something bad would happen and I wouldn’t be able to “prevent it” and she would spiral and I couldn’t stand to watch that, what I perceived to be true. We fought constantly, but in addition she also lied to me a lot and at the very end got quite physical with me-choked me, scratched me etc. I grew to be toxic from my ocd constantly causing fights with her trying to check if she was okay 24/7 but I still think I didn’t deserve that and she cut me out immediately after and has never looked back since and it’s been years. I cried and cried to make up with her bc the guilt was absolutely killing me for so long, my brain got hooked on the scenario and if she felt bad, would make up with me, missed me, etc. anyone have tips for accepting your faults especially due to ocd when your intentions were good, and accepting being cut off and shut out by someone you were so close to who purposefully ignores you even when you’re in the same group?

Thank you so much! Thank you for your kindness ❤️

I will definitely try thank you :)

I do reflect on how difficult I was. That’s why I made this post and had apologized to her so many times. She’s never given any apology ever and she did toxic things as well- ^ got physical with me, lied about things and called me names. I don’t think my ocd is an excuse for emotional abuse, I think in my case it was the cause for why bc before I got stuck on that fear about her her and I got along great for many years, never fought. It’s when I started getting caught up that everything got bad. I do respect that she has cut me out, I haven’t reached out in about 2 and a half years. It is still hard to accept because she went from one extreme to the other with me fast. Since our fall out I have been in treatment and on med and before our fall out I wasn’t doing either, I have grown a lot and worked hard on a lot of things about myself. I agree that I have no idea how she feels, but at the same time if you know someone is struggling with something that’s not their choice in having and are very much symptoms of that, and that you see the clear change in them before and after with it, isn’t it also the jobs of a true friend to- even if they need to take space- still not give up on the friendship if you’re truly there for them? She could’ve taken a step back for a while while I got my stuff together, and then came back, but instead she never apologized and refuses to acknowledge my existence and never came back. How would you feel if you were in my shoes?

@Jessella That sounds very difficult and I’m sure I’d be upset too. I also have OCD so I know I’d ruminate about it a lot. I understand the pain this is causing you. I’ve also lost people when I was mismanaging my OCD. It’s great you’ve taken so many important steps to improve yourself and to apologize. Unfortunately with apologies, they can be given and accepted and still don’t mean someone has to want to continue a relationship with us after the fact. True friends may stick with us through dark times, but they aren’t any less true if they decide our behavior is too harmful to them to continue a relationship with us. Those exfriends may even still wish the best for us and forgive us, but prefer to root for us from the sidelines rather than getting reinvolved. Setting those types of boundaries is both healthy and in no way a sign of a bad friend. As far as her side of things goes: If she hasn’t done much reflecting/improving on her own, perhaps rekindling a friendship with this type of person isn’t in your best interest anyways. It sounds like she makes you feel abandoned and small. You deserve friends and love. And I have no doubt you can form new meaningful relationships with people who can make you feel appreciated.

@pureolife Thank you very much!