How are you guys.. first post here.. been dealing with this terrible condition for a couple years now.. I went to therapy a while back and half assed it (excuse my french) and it got me by enough to live an OK life. Eventually a year or so went by and some vacation triggered it all about 4 weeks ago and I have been a mess since. Not sure what i’m even going through to be honest. Just constantly feeling irritable and constantly having thoughts and i’m at the point where i’m sitting there emotionless but i’m freaking out inside. I am scared I am losing my sense of rationality, the other night I had a bad headache which sent me into a spiral of a panic attack and I thought I was going to lose my mind and harm everyone.. I had to take a pill to calm me down and leave the house because my feelings were so intense in that moment I couldnt tell if I wanted to harm or not. Best way to put it is i constantly feel stuck and doomed and even when I try accpentance i cant shut my damn mind up. I could go on for hours about my ocd, my brain is way to good for its ownself.... constantly a step ahead to ruin my life.. as i type things like this it says to shut up and not get help bc i want this and i will harm.. or when i go to my appointments i get urges to tell the guy to shutup and i get thoughts of leaving.. everything my true core wants.. i think the opposite and it drives me nuts even tho i show no emotion about it , cant think about it all right now as i think of more of my issues i will make another post.. thanks.. also i am such a nice person but i get thoughts all the time that make me feel like im ACTUALLY bad or an asshole

pureolife

Date posted: 5y

Have you considered giving therapy another go? Working with an OCD specialist could help you learn to deal with these thoughts in a more productive way. It certainly sounds like Pure O to me: https://ocdla.com/obsessionalocd

edonss033

Date posted: 5y

Just remember you are not your thoughts! You’ll get through this, don’t give up!

catmom

Date posted: 5y

Sounds like OCD. I used to sleep with my mom & ask her to not let me leave my room bc I was so scared that I would sleepwalk or lose my mind in the middle of the night & leave to kill myself or hurt my loved ones. It’s pretty common to fear losing control like that for OCD. I’ve gotten a lot better with the help of medication & currently therapy (ERP, which you can do at home if you can’t get therapy). You need to understand that these intrusive thoughts, worries, & images are egodystonic to your values which is why they are so distressing. It’s hard to deal with it, I understand, but these thoughts say nothing about who you are as a person. A thought is just a thought for EVERYONE, people with OCD are just overthinking & trying to apply some sort of false meaning to them. Stop analyzing how you are feeling. Next time you feel overwhelmed, try not to leave the house. Try to sit with the discomfort without compulsively avoiding being around people. That sort of compulsion will only tell your brain that it was beneficial to leave bc your anxiety temporarily went down, but it won’t last. The only way to conquer the fear is to prove that there is no danger in being around people by being around people & letting the discomfort & uncertainty naturally pass. You got this, OCD isn’t the one in control, you are.

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