hi all I am particularly struggling today because as I mentioned in a post before, that my boyfriend and I broke up because of reasons I had anxiety about during the end of our relationship. he’s going through a lot with family, and told me he started self harming again. I want to respect his space right now, but I also can’t stop wanting to reach out to him because I have this fear that him not responding means he’s killed himself. we spoke a few days ago and one of the last things I mentioned to him was wanting to get some of his things back to him, not trying to hurt his feelings but I just get sad whenever I look at his stuff. we haven’t spoken since, and I can’t seem to stop my compulsions from the worry that I have that he’s dead. if anyone wants to weigh in, I’d appreciate it. I’m not sure what the best thing for me to do is now for his safety and the logistics of returning his things.

Oof. If you’re really concerned about him self-harming, could you let a family member of his know? I’ve had to do this in the past, and it sucks, and it changes the relationship, but I knew the person was safer. As for his things, it might make him too sad to get them back. You can box them up, out of your sight and let him know you have them for him, but that if he doesn’t want them, at a certain point, you may donate them or discard them. Good luck! This is a similar thing that sent me into PTSD a couple ones. Please stay healthy and use us if it helps you to do so. (And if you like dogs, my pup sends you so many gentle puppy snuggles right now.).

That is a really scary situation and I totally understand, I’ve been there too. You’re not alone... I would stop by his house to drop his stuff off. He may not answer the door, because when you grieve you don’t always want to talk to poeple, especially if you just went through a breakup and are in a depressive state. You can do this! We are here for you and you’re not alone!

Of course! That’s what this app/chat is for! And I wasn’t trying to insinuate that you were being inconsiderate of his feelings. Honestly, I’ve felt the same way about my ex’s things until my current partner and other guy friends told me that they wouldn’t want to get their stuff back. And just in case there’s something that has meaning beyond your relationship together, that’s why I suggested you just make him the offer and then let him know at some point you’ll dispose of/donate it. It’s a really scary and confusing place for you to be in right now. I’d tend to err on the cautious side and tell a friend of his your concern, even if it adds a rift to your relationship. But I also have been hurt by those who weren’t going to actually harm (I didn’t know that at the time), but were still desperate for help or attention. Either way, it’s not healthy for him. I hope he gets help, but I hope you feel all the strength to understand you can’t control his wellbeing. At one point I had to tell a friend, “If you want my help in getting help, call me, but otherwise, I need you to leave me alone.” It doesn’t sound like you’re in quite the same boat, but I really am rooting for you! And having OCD means that this is likely going to stay in your mind even more than for someone else. It’s horrid, but you’ve reached out here. We’ll help with what we can and what we understand, and thankfully you also know you can get more help and support from professionals too. Sending you so many wishes and pup snuggles!