Just need to vent. I’m 21, and OCD hit like a truck in June. It was a small build up that finally avalanched. I remember looking up intrusive thoughts when I was around 18/19, and felt fine having these intrusive thoughts about children. But slowly over time, I started getting nervous around them. Which was funny to me because I was a babysitter for years. I never had those thoughts about children. I used to make jokes about having children (even though I don’t want to have them), but now I make those jokes and feel guilt because I’ve had those intrusive thoughts. It’s been 3/4 weeks since I’ve been dealing with POCD and I feel like the worst human alive. My intrusive thoughts are getting worse. I can’t sleep. Can barely eat. And it seems like I can’t stop crying. My mind rakes through every single interaction with children to see if I actually am this monster. It’s looking for that “gotcha” moment. The groinal responses are the worst. They’re actually driving me crazy. I know I’m not a pedo. I know I’m not sexually attracted to children. But these thoughts and worries make everything seem so real. It’s to the point where I’m scared of my thoughts and I’m scared of being alone. I’m not looking for reassurance, but I just want to know if people who have dealt with POCD can feel better. I just want to know if I’m in the spot where if gets worse before it gets better.

U can get th...

Date posted: 5y

I should mention it’s debilitating to the point where I’m afraid to shower or use the bathroom. I don’t want to have those thoughts while I’m vulnerable.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

Hi :) I'm glad you reached out for support. I wonder whether it's time to look for professional help in addition to peer support? OCD doesn't tend to go away in its own. Learning therapy skills is vital

smj89

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5y

I dealt with this specifically for many years. My heart goes out to you. We are so strong and brave. Things will only improve once you become comfortable with discomfort and when you stop judging yourself. Everything you are going through can be overcome.

U can get th...

Date posted: 5y

Thank you for this.

smj89

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5y

@Addyg87 You’re welcome. I am new to this forum but far from new to this disorder. It can be unadulterated torture, but once you have certain tools, you will go througg lengthy periods of time where you won’t even remember these things. I know it seems like an impossibility, but it isn’t. POCD can feel particularly distressing because it is a theme that focuses on one of the “worst” things a person can do, but you’ll come to know that the content is insignificant. It is the response that matters. Everyone thinks their theme is the “worst.”

Lynnrich

Date posted: 5y

I’m dealing with the same thing. The only reason I’m not in a hospital is because of meds and therapy

U can get th...

Date posted: 5y

I have to wait a week before I see a psych, but I genuinely don’t know how much longer I can take. I’m already going to therapy but each day it’s worse.

Lynnrich

Date posted: 5y

I feel ya. What I recommend to do while your waiting for medication is do as much meditation as you can. Also they say grabbing an ice cube in your hand or putting it on your face might help reset your emotions

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