Really long lost but I’d really appreciate if someone could take time for me. Can’t tell if ROCD making me overthink or not Am I wrong for wanting my cats back? My bf asked me to move in 6 months ago but said I can’t bring my cats, but he won’t stop sharing dogs with his ex. But now I’m growing resentful and depressed and want them back from my mom. I’m 27 f and he’s 40. It’s a complex set up anyway, he owns a business with his ex, and they share these two dogs. They live with her, but he sees them every day at their work because the dogs go there without fail. he can walk them whenever in the day too as he’s his own boss. When we first met about 18months ago, he hadn’t long split with her. They still lived together! And he was searching for a new place when we were just getting to know each other. She’s been total garbage too. She’s a narcissist, really manipulative and showed up at his new house a few times and texts him a lot. she threatened to brick his window once, attacked him at work, and she even phoned him once knowing I was there with him, declaring that “he said he still loves her” (he didn’t, I was there the day she claims he said that on the phone for work during lockdown) They do not want to be together (she’s having an affair with a married man) but she’s still annoying as hell. She used to be verbally emotionally and physically abusive towards him during their relationship too, just for context. When he asked me to move in 6 months ago, he said “maybe we should live together, we get on so great! But can the cats live with your mother? I can’t have them here” and stupidly I agreed because I assumed he wouldn’t be around his ex and the dogs forever, SPECIFICALLY because at times when she would attack him in their place of work (really) he would text me to say “f-ck this I’ll get a normal job and I’ll EVEN stop seeing those dogs to be away from that evil f-king b-tch” etc etc so I took it seriously. Plus I don’t really think it’s realistic to co parent a pet with an ex, but that’s just me. When I split with my ex a few years ago I kept the cats, and we had a clean break, but now I have to sacrifice my pets but he refuses to stop having the dogs? Even though he sees them at work everyday? I have said a few times I miss my cats dearly, I already had my own apartment and both my cats settled with me when we met, but he still lived with his ex and dogs THEN moved to his own place. I don’t think it’s fair to say “I want you but leave them behind?” When I have said before I miss them so so much (and secretly it’s making me really upset and anxious) he’s like “I’m not having cats here. Plus they smell. Your apartment always smells awful.” (Because they’re indoor cats, but can go outside on a leash) But he says “as long as those dogs are alive I’m not giving them up.” During the lockdown he developed a drink problem too and he’s getting help now thank god. But the cats came up in conversation once and he was like “well go back to your apartment then.” Then he threw a glass at the wall and scared the hell out of me. I’m too scared to bring it up really because he almost downplays it to me too? “Oh what’s more important? Progressing in a relationship, or petting your cats for the next 15 years? We’ll just go back to dating until they all die then” and he’s also told me that I’ll look back on this when I’m with “Dave from *insert rough area here* and his 5 kids and ex still on the scene and think this was NOTHING” He brought up having children with me one day, when things were ok, and I said “well your priorities would HAVE to change then, you can’t have your ex around causing issues I’m definitely not going through pregnancy with her demanding you have the dogs so she can freely go fuck the married man?” (there’s too many other issues she caused to mention this is already longer than I planned) Since he’s doing better now, his ex is “allowing” him to see the dogs again now she’s not “fearing for them and she can trust him again” due to him getting help ? he won’t stop talking about them and it makes me bristle, because those dogs are the reason I can’t see my beloved cats. I called my mom crying yesterday and she said she has always felt bad about me giving them to her, and I can have them back any time I want to. But now I feel extremely guilty because now my FAMILY are attached to them too now, but they know I’m not doing it on purpose and I am extremely upset by the entire thing. My family assumed this was a temporary solution too when he mentioned me moving in but he’s shown no signs of compromise at all. I did move my stuff back to my apartment about 3 weeks ago because when he was drinking heavily and being horrible to me, name calling using exes against me, throwing me out then begging me not to go etc, he even locked me out once, then said I must have locked it? But I would be able to UNLOCK it then!! I finally had enough anyway, and disappeared back to my apartment. But we have been seeing each other more again since his therapy started. He was saying it was the wake up call he needed because he doesn’t want to lose me, but now he’s being weird with me when I mention I also miss MY pets too! All he’s done lately is send me photos of his dogs, mention his dogs when the conversation has nothing to do with his dogs, walk them every other day (meaning going to his ex’s house to collect the dogs too) phoning me telling me they’re tangling him up, and it’s all annoying the shit out of me because if I mention my cats it’s like it’s meh nothing. Or he’ll tell me to “go home” and get them, yet he still wants me to think of his house as my home? when we drive past “his old house” (his narcissist ex gf’s house) he slows down to check if his “pooches” are in the window and he refers to any cute animal he sees that isn’t even a dog as “awww looks like my dog!!!” I feel like he’s rubbing salt in my wounds. then he claims “you hate my dogs” when I have to pretend to not notice he is revving up the gushing over them. He also likes to show me photos of them as puppies where his ex is in the photos and reminisce about them when he first got them - I wasn’t there Ffs, his ex was!!! so I can’t relate and I don’t like it. I never do that to him it feels insensitive ? Thing is, I had full time pets in my own place when we met, he told me he wouldn’t share the dogs forever so it made me think it was a temporary solution- but it obviously isn’t? He even says he wouldn’t want his dogs full time, just once or twice a week because they annoy him after a day or two. Plus his ex wouldn’t agree to give them up anyway. I nearly gave up my apartment to live with him, thank god I didn’t! I hate going there now though it’s empty and lonely and I see their kitty toys and I cry ? Yesterday I said I was gonna get them back from my mom as it’s eating me alive, and he’s been weird with me ever since. I confront him, and he denies he’s in a mood. But I think he is? I don’t know. Then this morning he barely had much time to talk to me as he was sorting himself out and preparing chicken for his dogs and was like “right I’m off then I’ll bring them back here later too” I just feel like I have to put up with his psycho ex, his dogs, give up my cats and deal with my sadness over them all alone, while he can freely boast about having his dogs at his beck and call? His argument is “you haven’t given them up, you can still see your cats at your moms. Plus I just INVITED you to live with me” but she lives an hour away, where as his work is literally 3 mins walk away and he sees them EVERY DAY by default. TLDR been with my boyfriend 18 months, I had my own place and two adorable kitties, he still lived with his ex and their dogs when we met. He found a new house, asked me to move in but rejects my cats, but made me and my family think it was temporary as a “solution” because he claimed one day he wouldn’t have anything to do with his mental ex anyway. he outrightly refuses to stop sharing dogs with his ex even though he still sees them every single day at their joined owned business which is 3 mins walk away, but I would have to drive an hour to my moms specifically to see my cats. He talks about his dogs non stop and they treat them like children they never had, but I can’t bring up my pets without being met with moody behaviour or being told to “go home then” I feel like my feelings aren’t as important as his, neither are my pets either. It doesn’t sit right with me. I also worry I’ll either have to just put up with his ex and her dogs, or risk never finding anyone else in future because what if they don’t like my cats either? I don’t want to be alone ?