Really long lost but I’d really appreciate if someone could take time for me. Can’t tell if ROCD making me overthink or not Am I wrong for wanting my cats back? My bf asked me to move in 6 months ago but said I can’t bring my cats, but he won’t stop sharing dogs with his ex. But now I’m growing resentful and depressed and want them back from my mom. I’m 27 f and he’s 40. It’s a complex set up anyway, he owns a business with his ex, and they share these two dogs. They live with her, but he sees them every day at their work because the dogs go there without fail. he can walk them whenever in the day too as he’s his own boss. When we first met about 18months ago, he hadn’t long split with her. They still lived together! And he was searching for a new place when we were just getting to know each other. She’s been total garbage too. She’s a narcissist, really manipulative and showed up at his new house a few times and texts him a lot. she threatened to brick his window once, attacked him at work, and she even phoned him once knowing I was there with him, declaring that “he said he still loves her” (he didn’t, I was there the day she claims he said that on the phone for work during lockdown) They do not want to be together (she’s having an affair with a married man) but she’s still annoying as hell. She used to be verbally emotionally and physically abusive towards him during their relationship too, just for context. When he asked me to move in 6 months ago, he said “maybe we should live together, we get on so great! But can the cats live with your mother? I can’t have them here” and stupidly I agreed because I assumed he wouldn’t be around his ex and the dogs forever, SPECIFICALLY because at times when she would attack him in their place of work (really) he would text me to say “f-ck this I’ll get a normal job and I’ll EVEN stop seeing those dogs to be away from that evil f-king b-tch” etc etc so I took it seriously. Plus I don’t really think it’s realistic to co parent a pet with an ex, but that’s just me. When I split with my ex a few years ago I kept the cats, and we had a clean break, but now I have to sacrifice my pets but he refuses to stop having the dogs? Even though he sees them at work everyday? I have said a few times I miss my cats dearly, I already had my own apartment and both my cats settled with me when we met, but he still lived with his ex and dogs THEN moved to his own place. I don’t think it’s fair to say “I want you but leave them behind?” When I have said before I miss them so so much (and secretly it’s making me really upset and anxious) he’s like “I’m not having cats here. Plus they smell. Your apartment always smells awful.” (Because they’re indoor cats, but can go outside on a leash) But he says “as long as those dogs are alive I’m not giving them up.” During the lockdown he developed a drink problem too and he’s getting help now thank god. But the cats came up in conversation once and he was like “well go back to your apartment then.” Then he threw a glass at the wall and scared the hell out of me. I’m too scared to bring it up really because he almost downplays it to me too? “Oh what’s more important? Progressing in a relationship, or petting your cats for the next 15 years? We’ll just go back to dating until they all die then” and he’s also told me that I’ll look back on this when I’m with “Dave from *insert rough area here* and his 5 kids and ex still on the scene and think this was NOTHING” He brought up having children with me one day, when things were ok, and I said “well your priorities would HAVE to change then, you can’t have your ex around causing issues I’m definitely not going through pregnancy with her demanding you have the dogs so she can freely go fuck the married man?” (there’s too many other issues she caused to mention this is already longer than I planned) Since he’s doing better now, his ex is “allowing” him to see the dogs again now she’s not “fearing for them and she can trust him again” due to him getting help ? he won’t stop talking about them and it makes me bristle, because those dogs are the reason I can’t see my beloved cats. I called my mom crying yesterday and she said she has always felt bad about me giving them to her, and I can have them back any time I want to. But now I feel extremely guilty because now my FAMILY are attached to them too now, but they know I’m not doing it on purpose and I am extremely upset by the entire thing. My family assumed this was a temporary solution too when he mentioned me moving in but he’s shown no signs of compromise at all. I did move my stuff back to my apartment about 3 weeks ago because when he was drinking heavily and being horrible to me, name calling using exes against me, throwing me out then begging me not to go etc, he even locked me out once, then said I must have locked it? But I would be able to UNLOCK it then!! I finally had enough anyway, and disappeared back to my apartment. But we have been seeing each other more again since his therapy started. He was saying it was the wake up call he needed because he doesn’t want to lose me, but now he’s being weird with me when I mention I also miss MY pets too! All he’s done lately is send me photos of his dogs, mention his dogs when the conversation has nothing to do with his dogs, walk them every other day (meaning going to his ex’s house to collect the dogs too) phoning me telling me they’re tangling him up, and it’s all annoying the shit out of me because if I mention my cats it’s like it’s meh nothing. Or he’ll tell me to “go home” and get them, yet he still wants me to think of his house as my home? when we drive past “his old house” (his narcissist ex gf’s house) he slows down to check if his “pooches” are in the window and he refers to any cute animal he sees that isn’t even a dog as “awww looks like my dog!!!” I feel like he’s rubbing salt in my wounds. then he claims “you hate my dogs” when I have to pretend to not notice he is revving up the gushing over them. He also likes to show me photos of them as puppies where his ex is in the photos and reminisce about them when he first got them - I wasn’t there Ffs, his ex was!!! so I can’t relate and I don’t like it. I never do that to him it feels insensitive ? Thing is, I had full time pets in my own place when we met, he told me he wouldn’t share the dogs forever so it made me think it was a temporary solution- but it obviously isn’t? He even says he wouldn’t want his dogs full time, just once or twice a week because they annoy him after a day or two. Plus his ex wouldn’t agree to give them up anyway. I nearly gave up my apartment to live with him, thank god I didn’t! I hate going there now though it’s empty and lonely and I see their kitty toys and I cry ? Yesterday I said I was gonna get them back from my mom as it’s eating me alive, and he’s been weird with me ever since. I confront him, and he denies he’s in a mood. But I think he is? I don’t know. Then this morning he barely had much time to talk to me as he was sorting himself out and preparing chicken for his dogs and was like “right I’m off then I’ll bring them back here later too” I just feel like I have to put up with his psycho ex, his dogs, give up my cats and deal with my sadness over them all alone, while he can freely boast about having his dogs at his beck and call? His argument is “you haven’t given them up, you can still see your cats at your moms. Plus I just INVITED you to live with me” but she lives an hour away, where as his work is literally 3 mins walk away and he sees them EVERY DAY by default. TLDR been with my boyfriend 18 months, I had my own place and two adorable kitties, he still lived with his ex and their dogs when we met. He found a new house, asked me to move in but rejects my cats, but made me and my family think it was temporary as a “solution” because he claimed one day he wouldn’t have anything to do with his mental ex anyway. he outrightly refuses to stop sharing dogs with his ex even though he still sees them every single day at their joined owned business which is 3 mins walk away, but I would have to drive an hour to my moms specifically to see my cats. He talks about his dogs non stop and they treat them like children they never had, but I can’t bring up my pets without being met with moody behaviour or being told to “go home then” I feel like my feelings aren’t as important as his, neither are my pets either. It doesn’t sit right with me. I also worry I’ll either have to just put up with his ex and her dogs, or risk never finding anyone else in future because what if they don’t like my cats either? I don’t want to be alone ?

Hi, I wanted to make a post because I honestly feel really alone. This is going to be long, but please bear with me and let me know if you relate or have any advice. I’m currently dating quite possibly the best guy I’ve ever met. And by FAR the best guy I’ve ever dated. We have such a strong connection and it’s my first healthy, non toxic relationship. He treats me with so much understanding, respect and kindess. But heres the thing. I have truly terrible ADHD, OCD, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Panic Disorder and depression. And more specifically I’ve come to realize- ROCD. I constantly have thoughts about him not wanting me, lying to me, cheating on me, etc. I’ve seen a lot of posts about having ROCD where you doubt wanting to be with the other person- but I know with everything in me I want to be with this man. What I obsess about is him leaving me. I have constant anxiety, espescially since my PTSD kicked in about a year ago. Whenever I’m physically with him, I feel incredible. I literally do not get anxiety, and if I do its considerably less harmful- and hes there to hold me and comfort me. I have trouble eating because of my anxiety, but with him that’s never the case. We’ll have a great time- but the second I leave I begin to doubt how he feels. Whether he’s with another girl. Whether it’s too good to be true. Wondering when hes going to leave. These thoughts cycle and cycle in my head in a manner that is so all-consuming I can hardly focus on anything else. If I text him and I don’t get a text back I immediately assumt the worse. I thought at the beginning it was just because we hadn’t made it official, and when we did these feeljngs would do away. But then he made it official. And they didn’t. And then I thought when it got more serious they would go away. But then he told me he was falling in love with me( I felt the same). If anything, it made it worse. I told myself when he told me he was really in love it would get better. He did. We said I love you, and still. Constant worry. He’s not a great texter or caller, but I expressed to him how much I need communication and how much it bothers me when he doesn’t respond- and he apologized (WITHOUT getting defensive) and said that he would work on it. And he HAS. But still. It’s a cycle. The anxiety waiting for a text, the dopamine rush when I get it, respond, then wait and it starts again until he responds. Then again. It’s a vicious cycle and it’s tearing me apart. We’re open with each other- so everytime I get a thought I bring it up to him for reassurance. I explained to him that I’ve been hurt so badly before. The last time I was in love/my first love- was a narcissist who took my virginity by raping me and i stayed with him for a year and a half after that until it got to be too much physical and emotional abuse and he then fucked my best friend. Told everyone I was pathological when I tried to warn people about him. Every guy I’ve started to care about since then has lead me on or used me, and the less attention they gave me the more I needed it and the more I prioritized them. My dad was a narcissist who gave me love then would dissapear, or come back and I would have to take care of him as he was depressed and suicidal (I was 4) and to this day relies so heavily on me that when I don’t respond to him he says hes going to kill himself. I understand that I have severe abandonment issues, as well as trauma, and that I most definitely have an anxious attachment style. I’ve been trying so hard for the past two years to heal myself, but now its all the more important because I can tell that even though hes patient, it hurts him that I don’t feel secure, that I don’t seem like I trust him. I said that as time goes on and I get to knkw him more it’ll get easier, but I’m terrified that may not be the case. I’m so worried that I’m going to ruin this thing, that it will be a self fulfilling prophecy and that I’m missing out on this honeymoon phase, on being happy because I’m constantly worried about when it will be taken from me. I’m in therapy and we tlak about this a lot and I know it stems from my low self esteem and people-pleasing tendencies, but it doesn’t really seem to be helping all that much. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have advice?

Hi... Prepare for a huge txt but I need to vent with someone because I need an opinion of what to do and what to feel. I can't tell if I'm overthinking or not. Or if I'm being a horrible person and I should even feel more guilty. This is about ROCD. I'm gay and I have a gf. We have been dating for almost 5 months and in absolutely in love with her. She's my everything and I'm so afraid to be unfair/cheating. I also have this friend (he's a guy btw) who's overly flirtatious with everyone and he's also super insecure about himself and takes a lot of things people say very personally. I also suffer from a bit of sexual orientation ocd and sometimes I fear that I have a crush on him or something... Even though I don't even want even cuddle him let alone anything else.... We have this joke between us that we are husband and wife (it started before I even knew that my gf confessed feelings for me) and I always feel guilty for not ending the joke with my friend because he'd get depressed and maybe harm himself... And yes! I did tell my gf about this joke and she's OK with it. His nickname is cookie and he started a joke once because I was eating cookies once and he started laughing because... Well... You know what it entails. And sometimes I'm saying I'm eating cookies to make him laugh... But now I regret it because I maybe I'm flirting with him or something. I don't really know what flirting is. I know when I'm flirting with my gf but not if I'm accidentally flirting with others. And flirting for me (yes... This is just my take on it. My choice. But I feel that *me*flirting is cheating and I don't want to do that... I sometimes feel a really tight bond with this friend and it scares me. I try to dismiss my thoughts but they scare me that I may have a crush on him or something... And I don't want that... I just want to love my gf. There was this time... Even before I was dating my gf (but it was after she confessed her feelings for me), I was playing games with cookie (he was watching me), and he said "you are so cute" in a tender voice and I sat there feeling flushed - like those feelings you have when you develop a crush? Idk if I was feeling a crush or not. And I somewhat panicked. I have false memories about that moment. Heck! Maybe I'm just fooling myself that those were false memories. I started feeling worried that I actually was happy with him being this loving to me.... But I do think that I assured myself that i didn't because I don't want to have a romantic relationship him but my memory fails me.... And I have doubts and worries that... I did want to be romantic with him (Im pretty sure I don't but not entirely...) One more event that has been guilt-tripping me is that... Once or twice... I acted or did something "cute" for him to compliment me... I can't remember what! Or maybe I'm having false memories again... And I think it's definitely flirting and therefore cheating! I hate myself... I've been crying and feeling miserable.... And I have been avoiding said friend. I regret so badly ever meeting this friend because I told him that he needs to stop with the lewd jokes about me and he hasn't. I feel like I should break with my gf because she deserves so much better... She's an angel and I don't deserve her. I love her so much... (I don't know if it helps but he's a very loving person and sometimes he says he wants to give me kisses and cuddles and I say "sure" because I don't want to hurt him but I'm always uncomfortable with that idea) Please help me... And please don't hate me... I'm so sorry....

So, this long story will have to be cut down a bit but here’s my story and my plea for some guidance… My childhood was not that great. Although I am grateful to have had a better childhood than others who are way less fortunate. My dad was an alcoholic and suicidal, my mom was toxic and vengeful. This lasted up until I would say my 10th birthday. I was also molested by a family member that to this day no one believes that it happened and would rather me keep this info to myself. I searched for attention from the wrong people. Being bullied, I decided it’s best to be the bullier. So, I started getting in trouble at school, home, with the cops. Everything. Me and my mom started to develop a resentful relationship. I met people online who were older than my age at the time, who had zero business talking to me. They manipulated me and made me feel horrible. I got caught and went ten months without a phone. This time was peaceful. I then went into my sophomore year of high school and entered a relationship I was not comfortable in. At this point, I was healing from previous trauma and was not looking for a relationship to be in. But, I did it anyway because I was afraid to be alone. This relationship was the worst relationship….and I mean the WORST relationship I was in. It was narcissistic and abusive. It broke off abruptly with no closure, no explanation, and leaving me empty and suicidal. I dated during this time and made it clear that I was not ready for a relationship yet. I decided to take a break from dating because although I do not have feelings for my ex, I was now experiencing anxiety and PTSD from what happened. I fell into a deep depression that I did not know when I will be getting out of. I met my boyfriend while continuing to heal about a month after. It was an instant connection and of course I questioned it but I didn’t think much of it. I caught feelings for him pretty quickly which is something that is rare for me. We had insanely similar personalities. It has been the best relationship I have been in. I could even go as far as to say this will be my future husband. We are also long distance and will be closing that distance soon. Something inside me though… keeps bringing up my ex. Small thoughts, small feelings, and knowing I don’t love him. Now, I sit here. I am questioning my love for my partner, asking myself what is so special about my ex that he occupies my mind but weirdly not my heart… It hurts. I just want these thoughts to stop. I have become suicidal before, I am scared to become this again. Why do I feel like I love him when I never loved him while we were together? I know my brain is tricking me, because I know I love my partner. But I am scared I still care for someone who abused me. I am scared I now love two people at the same time. I am scared that the one that I am with isn’t the one for me and this happiness means I am faking it. Is it all an illusion? Why can’t he just go away?