hi.. i really need to breathe so i might as well just type everything here. when i was in 7th grade, i had this moment where i thought i had liked a girl. we were really close and we did everything together. in my friend group, there were 2 girls who were dating eachother. i respected them si de they were my friends but i really didn’t seem myself w girls. and that’s when it hit me. i thought i liked this girl n i was curious, when in reality i wanted to be her friend. i told her n we went along w it. but, i couldn’t take it anymore tbh. it felt foreign and sick to me since ive always been attracted to boys. anyways, that lasted a day because i didn’t like it. now my hocd is making things worse, showing me how this is proof that i’m bisexual. i bet that counts as experimenting but.. i didn’t like it. my mind keeps telling me that i enjoyed that even though it was 5 years ago. i was a little kid. after that, all my crushes have been boys n i basically forgot about everything that happened because the past doesn’t define me. i was a curious 12 year old girl, who wanted to know how it felt like and didn’t like it. tbh.. it makes me sick to think that i was open to that. i’m a lgbt supporter but i don’t see myself like that. i want to get married to a guy, be with a guy, so everything w a guy.. not w a girl. i wish that my brain would stop using this as an excuse that i am truly bisexual.. when i’m not. it makes me cry so fucking much. i want to go back to before quarantine. seeing myself w a girl now makes me feel disgusted and I DONT WANT IT! i literally can’t do this anymore. i wish i could get in a car crash and get amnesia or something... i would do ANYTHING to forget about these thoughts n to not be bi. something that also triggers me is that the girl i experimented w is a lesbian now.. please someone help me. i was doing so well and i can’t even bear to look at myself. i don’t want to be bi. i want to be straight:(

val ʚĭɞ

Date posted: 5y

also.. my parents know about the thoughts n not my experience.. we’re a really religious family and i really don’t want to disturb them w that. like, i know i’m not bi.. i know i’m straight. my mind just won’t stop being annoying n telling me that i’m bi because of that experience.

YesYou

Date posted: 5y

Sounds like you have real event OCD too. Are you seeking help?

val ʚĭɞ

Date posted: 5y

not really... i’ve recently learned about real event ocd and i was hoping to read through some forums to see. i really wish to go to a professional but since i live in a hispanic household, i feel so pressured to hide my problems n go through w them silently since my parents have already gone through so much for me and my siblings:(

lilli

Date posted: 5y

same thing sis, im a minor, i cant tell my parents about my thoughts or id freak, are you diagnosed? im not, but i have a feeling its OCD. but then i think, what if it isnt and im in denial? im just as scared

val ʚĭɞ

Date posted: 5y

i’m also a minor!! my parents know about the thoughts since i was at my breaking point and i really needed to talk to someone. even though it was really hard for me, i told them that i had really uncomfortable thoughts telling me that i was gay/bi meanwhile i truly dont have any sort of desire to pursue girls n that i really want to be with a man and get married and have kids w one. they shrugged it off a few days later since they knew how boy crazy i am. i felt somehow relieved but they were still there. also, i’m not diagnosed but i took legitimate tests online and it showed that i had a high possibility of hocd ;( if this isn’t gone by the time i’m 18.. that’ll be the age that i would probably be able to go to a therapist without my parents knowing. i’m saying that because latin families (like mine) tend to keep their problems to themselves since we try to act really strong ;((

lilli

Date posted: 5y

@markleepleasemarryme same same

lilli

Date posted: 5y

@markleepleasemarryme i also have a latin family lol, im puerto rican

val ʚĭɞ

Date posted: 5y

@lilli omg me too hahah

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