lilli

Date posted: 4y

i need help, if ANYONE can give me guidance PLEASE. I NEED IT. im a minor, i cannot tell my parents about these intrusive thoughts im having, so i cant get a therapist, nor can i get diagnosed. im scared i am a pedophile. i experienced a groinal feeling a couple days ago when i saw a picture of a little kid. I DID NOT REALIZE IT WAS A KID AT FIRST, but i freaked out. i freaked you guys. i even unfollowed the account i saw the picture of the young cchild on. im so scared that i am a pedophile. i cant live like this. what if i am but im i denial? i cant do it. ive experienced something like this before. i had a thought and obsessed about it about it. but i even think back, what if i wasnt obsessing? i was constantly online looking for answer for the thought. i was constantly confessing the thought to my ex (the thoughts were about him) and im just terrified. AND THEN, I HAVE THOUGHTS THAT SAY “you are a p*do and thats okay” BUT I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT. I DONT WANT TO THINK LIKE THAT. i just want to be a normal teen. i wanna be worry free. i dont want to be a pedo. i wannt be happy. please any guidance you can give me i need it. does it sound like POCD to the people who have experienced OCD? or am i in denial. i cant live with myself being a pedo.

lilli

Date posted: 4y

im so scared, im so worried. i cant be a pedo. i just want to be normal. idek if i have OCD. what if i dont? what if im just crazy.

sophie02

Date posted: 4y

Yes it sounds exactly like pocd I have pocd too I know what it’s like and I have the same feeling about trying to accept it how you don’t want to accept it cause you think it’ll make you a bad person.

lilli

Date posted: 4y

really? i am just so scared. im so young. i dont want to be a pedophile you know? i want to be a happy kid. im terrified. is what im feeling sound like POCD?

lilli

Date posted: 4y

also i start to feel like im lying to myself or im lying about my symptoms but im not. i dont know how to feel, or think or anything

sophie02

Date posted: 4y

@lilli That’s exactly how I feel I have those lying feelings all the time. While to me you don’t sound like a pedophile I don’t want to reassure you since it won’t last trust me!! But you are not alone and I understand what you are going through it all sounds like ocd to me!

lilli

Date posted: 4y

hi, i need some guidance, do you ever worry about the fact that youre not panicking? or worry if you’re just making your symptoms up or being dramatic? cause thats how i feel right now and i dont know if thats normal.

EmWest

Date posted: 4y

I’m not a psychologist, though it does sound very much like OCD to me- the confessing can be a big part of it. I know you didn’t want to tell your parents, but a GP doctor can actually provide a diagnosis and give you some direction as to what you can do in your situation- you can make an appointment and request the doctor keep the next info between you and them. Also, this goes against the common treatment of ERP but as you cannot currently access professional help and it seems like you are somewhat new to OCD symptoms and diagnostic criteria, from what I’ve found fear of attraction to a minor is extremely common. The best advice I’d seen other than seeking professional help is to remind people that if you feel so concerned that you are one, that is probably a sign that you are not. I hope this helped, and again I am NOT a professional just someone who has had OCD for a while and knows how much it can be to handle- I hope you can get the help you need and find trust in your self and morality! God loves you and you deserve it.

lilli

Date posted: 4y

thank you so much. im crying because im so freaked out. i feel horrible, and then my brain keeps on making me think its okay to be a pedophile, but i dont want to think or feel like that

EmWest

Date posted: 4y

@lilli I’m not sure what time it is for you, but I find my OCD also gets much worse at night, and is easier to refute or argue against when I wake up, even if it tends to be a reoccurring worry. What you just said about worrying you are trying to justify it as being okay sounds VERY much like something I do with OCD, and again, being able to review those thoughts and objectively acknowledge they’re wrong even if you occasionally feel like your brain doesn’t believe it seems to be a sign of true intentions- I like to think of it (being religious) as God peeking through and giving me clarity, or like the rational part of me that actually dictates who I am peeking through and saying “I know you don’t believe it right now, but that’s untrue and ridiculous, you are not like that- in time you will be able to believe you are the good person you try to be” AKA ocd can be brutal and strong, but I feel like those thoughts are sort of your non-OCD side trying to remind you who you REALLY are at heart- how God sees you. I hope this helps, and keep going- it’s tough sometimes but with time it seems it gets easier to deal with, you got this!

EmWest

Date posted: 4y

@EmWest I’d put a trigger warning on this just in case as it discusses this topic- but there is a Psych today article on this That you can looked up by typing “POCD Psychology Today” that can hopefully help you understand how common it is and how it doesn’t reflect your true character

lilli

Date posted: 4y

@EmWest thank you so much. im just scared, but i just UGH its stressful but thank you.

lilli

Date posted: 4y

@EmWest i did, ive read articles. im constantly looking up “am i a pedo” “im scared that im a pedophile” ive read all about it,, and i see my symptoms adding up BUT THEN I GO, what if im a fake? what if i think i have OCD but i actually dont and something is wrong with me??

sillybilly

Date posted: 4y

@lilli Cool down on the research because that will only make your intrusive thoughts worse. And those thoughts you get (like the “what if it’s not ocd” thoughts) are very common in the ocd community.

lilli

Date posted: 4y

@sillybilly okay, will do. and thank you

catmom

Date posted: 4y

Hi! Sounds like OCD- but I obviously can’t diagnose. You know, if you need to find a therapist & think it’s OCD, you don’t need to tell your parents exactly what your fear/intrusive thoughts are. You can lie & say what you feel comfortable with telling them in order to get you to an OCD Specialist. You can be vague- say your obsessing about being a bad person or obsessing over irrational fears that cause you distress or just say you have some other OCD subtypes that you feel comfortable with saying. Your OCD content is personal- you are not required to share it if you don’t feel comfortable. Say what you need to to get an OCD Specialist & then be honest with a trained professional about how you are feeling.

lilli

Date posted: 4y

okay, thank you, does it really sound like ocd to you?? im so worried and scared. i dont want to be a pedo, i dont want to think its OKAY to be a pedo. my brain keeps on trying to tell me its okay but its not and im so worried.

catmom

Date posted: 4y

@lilli I think you’re seeking reassurance which isn’t good for OCD. I think it does *sound* like OCD, that being said, I am not a professional, but I think it’s enough evidence to contact a OCD Specialist & explain what you are going through. Let them diagnose you, they have a better idea of what to look for. A lot of people in the OCD community struggle with POCD, so you are not alone.

lilli

Date posted: 4y

@catmom i know i know, i just cant be a pedophile. i cant live with it. i feel like ending my life at the thought of being one. its scary, i also dont know how to look for help. i cant tell my parents because they will freak. they wont believe me

catmom

Date posted: 4y

@lilli So don’t tell your parents. You are not obligated to share details of your condition if you are not comfortable with it. Be vague about you OCD or make up an OCD subtype to tell them. Like any other health condition that information is confidential- no one has the right to know but yourself & a health professional. You will be okay. Calm down, take some deep breaths. Try to refocus your attention elsewhere for now.

lilli

Date posted: 4y

@catmom okay, thank you so much <3

lilli

Date posted: 4y

ALSO, NOW i think i keep on checking for a groinal response when i see a child AND I GET ONE. IS GROINAL RESPONSE ACTUALLY ATTRACTION? im panicking anyone who has experience with this i need to know

sophie02

Date posted: 4y

No it’s not, it’s an ocd response

Wessers19

Date posted: 23w

Could being exposed to content as a kid affected me in this way?

Trying not to seek reassurance, but rather connect the dots on my OCD and possible reasons as to why I am the way I am. I have severe OCD (or at least I hope I do) mainly surrounding POCD. I've had symptoms of OCD the majority of my life but this theme has come up more recently. When I was a kid, and i'm talking 6-7, I was first exposed to some really gross adult content online. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine around the same age of me. I saw some really disgusting things that a 6-7 year old should definitely not see. This was not a one time occurrence, as I had been exposed to taboo topics online years to come after that, such as the same friend introducing me to Omegle... And i'm sure you can imagine how that went, theres a lot of genuinely disgusting human beings on there. Coming back to the reason for making this post; is it possible to early exposure to this content could be one of the reasons I struggle with POCD? It genuinely scares me to death because you hear that real p*dos dealt with simular situations when they were kids, so thats kind of making me feel that this could be more than OCD, and I could be a genuinely bad person. My POCD feels so real, that at times i'm fully convinced its not OCD. Sometimes I can't even distinguish the feelings of attraction between a younger person and an older person, except for the feeling of anxiety and fear. Its really hard to explain without going into detail, but it just feels so real. Some feedback on this would be great, thank you all.

misereri

Date posted: 23w

Urgent: i need yalls opinion

Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?

POCD

anonymous2580

Date posted: 19w

Remembering things from my childhood

(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.

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