I always considered myself a heterosexual woman but these days I'm having doubts that I'm a homosexual or bisexual because i used to look at pictures of nude girls or girls in bikinis and kind of felt aroused.But I never felt anything sexual towards other woman or never fantasised about them. I have a boyfriend whom i love so much and i want to marry him. I am scared that because i used to look at that kind of pics I'm a lesbian and i will not be able to love him like before. I am also suffering through relationship ocd which is even making this tough for me. I don't want to lose him.

Sad to hear this. I hope you recover soon. This is so exhausting ?

Yeah, I have read that too. But somehow my brain doesn’t catch that. Like when I am good, I don’t seem to question that much, but when the OCD comes to play I become really anxious. For me it’s been almost 1 year now that HOCD has kicked in so badly, but I think I have had it all my life but very moderate. Now I’m very scared that I will get a boyfriend who I love and my sex life will be bad, so that will prove that I am a lesbian and I should give up. I am not even dating at the moment.

I know. Thanks a lot for the kind words. And don’t worry you didn’t give me reassurance, I know what you say is true. I am not young, I’m 28, and sometimes I’m scared that I am too marure to be experiencing this shitt, and that many who experience HOCD are pretty young. So that scares me sometimes. Well OCD does that to me.

@Klau Ocd can occur anytime.. I'm 22

@magicwizard Even married people do get these kinds of doubts.. Don't worry

@magicwizard I know and I’m sorry for that. But at least you know you got someone by your side and that comforts you a little bit. Thank you for the chat, it means a lot. Before coming to this app, I felt so alone, like a total freak.

@Klau You're welcome... And yes I am lucky that i have my boyfriend by my side. I'm very lucky. But you know I've ROCD too? which makes me doubt about my feelings for him, sometimes his feelings for him... Arghhh this is so exhausting.

@magicwizard I know what you mean. I think I have a little bitt of ROCD myself, but I wasn’t aware before because I wasn’t in touch with my feelings. But I remember that I wanted to feel 100% sure that my partner loved me, I would question if I loved him, if I felt like lack of emotions I would freak out and dump him. At that moment I thought those were my feelings and if I was with someone I should love him properly. I guess that’s where ROCD comes from. Now I have HOCD and I’m scared about everything my brain thinks.

@Klau Yes.. Thoughts keep shifting themes?? I literally want to love him like before. You know i was mad in love with him. I was so sure about us. But OCD latches onto everything that is important to you. I desperately want to love him but my thoughts tell me do you really want to love him?

@magicwizard I keep getting those thoughts as well. Even if I am just thinking about the future, I think what if I fool myself about loving someone and I realise I cannot fulfill them sexually, what if I’m a liar. My OCD tells me that I didn’t like my ex, even though I wanted him badly and we had so much chemistry, but just because I didn’t achive orgasm, I must have been lying just to feel normal. I mean it has changed my memories as well. I don’t know if I ever really fancied or loved a guy. Weird.

@Klau Yes my memories are getting affected too

I am still struggling ??

I have had the same issues. At first my HOCD came because I thought I was aroused by female pictures and my groin moved. But I struggle also with the fact that my sex life has been bad and I haven’t orgasmed with a man. I am single for a long time now and I’m scared I will never find love again with this HOCD. I think you’re lucky to have a relationship.