uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
LifeGoesOnLifeGoesOn
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 I am so sorry to hear all of these things happened to you. But, without reassuring you, I think you’re wrong. I don’t think your value is invaluable and these guys are pieces of shit. And I’ll tell you why they act this way. Being tolerable of these kind of things and sticking around teaches people how to treat you. So, it is in how you treat yourself that others learn how you should be treated. It sounds to me that you honestly believe you don’t deserve to be loved because ‘why would anyone love me?’ Kinda way.. you believe these things about yourself and you speak to yourself in a way that is so self deprecating that these men think you’re worthless and that they can get away with treating you that way. All in all, we accept the love we think we deserve. So in saying that you don’t think you’ll get ever the marriage and the happily ever after you so desperately want, you’re actually turning it on yourself because you believe it, it’s not likely to happen. I agree that that common denominator is you, however- that’s not a bad thing. The thing holding you back is your mind set. And after such abuse, I can totally see where you’re coming from. And my past experiences have caused a PTSD experience in most cases too. My ROCD told me after my last relationship all of those things about being worthless etc too. But I hate it to say but accepting those thoughts and not trying to fix the relationship you have with yourself first is lazy. It’s uncomfortable. It’s easier to accept the feelings these experiences have given us and live miserably for the rest of our lives. I would say that you deserve to be happy, but you don’t. Nobody does. Until you earn your own love and build on a relationship with yourself, nobody will be able to love you the way you want to be loved. And I know how cliche that sounds. Read back on your own messages and think of the things you said about yourself as someone else is saying them. A family member or friend. How hurt would you be to find that they thought you were worthless and didn’t deserve love and it’s all your fault? That person isn’t a friend. That person isn’t supportive. So why would you say those things about yourself? Obviously, it’s easier said than done. And god, hindsight is a wonderful thing. I too was in some seriously fucked up relationships and once I took some time out for me, love myself, learn about myself etc. I found someone I didn’t even think existed and I have no idea how he was single when he got to me and I do wonder about this from time to time and my ROCD will still try to break its way in to ruin it. I actually would like to support you and help you realise that the way people treat you is not your fault per se but you have so much more control and are so much more than you really think you are. It sounds like you’re in awfully unhappy and toxic relationship now and how can you love yourself that way? If you settle for that then you’ll never find someone who makes you genuinely happy and give you what you want. Would love to chat some more. I hope this helped!
uwotm8uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
I just feel like there’s not many decent men out there and if there are they’re obviously taken lol ? i don’t have the energy anymore
LifeGoesOnLifeGoesOn
- Date posted
- 5y
Could it be past experiences and lessons learned telling you to protect yourself? I find my ROCD can sometimes feel a little like PTSD at times
uwotm8uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
I just don’t believe people are capable of being honest. I have so many reasons to believe it. I doubt I will ever get the marriage and happy life with children and all that nice stuff I do desperately want because there’s not enough to go around and all the other women already have it. I either settle for what I have or die alone one day
uwotm8uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ll give you some context I might as well... I was with someone from age 14-24, who left me suddenly with no warning a few years ago, he waited till we returned from our first holiday together to fuck me on the Tuesday, tell me to leave on the Wednesday with no where to go. I think he cheated also. I had messages from strangers saying so. I had no idea it was coming. I have been ghosted, used etc by people who led me on. I then had an abusive 5 month relationship with someone who wanted to stop me wearing what I like and called me a whore etc, used to choke me during sex and slapped me once with no warning. Wanted me to be dry down there during sex and hated when I was wet. He threatened to kill himself when I left him and I had to get police involved. My partner now has an insane ex who has been nothing but trouble for the last nearly two years, harassing him at his house texting verbal abuse and attacking him at work, and he also started being verbally abusive towards me during lockdown as a result of a drinking problem CAUSED by said ex, and his father dying, and his mother becoming ill. He keeps trying to keep her happy as he owns a business with her, and I often feel my feelings come second as he tries to appease her so he doesn’t have to worry about being made “homesless” if her own relationship (rather seedy affair) comes out. She threatens to show up, she talks ill of me, critiques him a lot, and she claims he still loves her. They also text more than I thought and I’m super upset because he wouldn’t show me what was said. They went for a walk together last month too . They share dogs together and he REFUSES to stop sharing them, but wants me to move to his house and leave my cats behind. I wanted them back so I went BACK to my flat after his abuse, and now he seems put out I won’t revert back to his again I just can’t have what I would like I don’t think. I’d love nothing more than stability and a normal loving relationship where I don’t feel on edge, don’t have trust issues and don’t feel like shit, but that evidently does not exist.
uwotm8uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 Basically I’m fucked ? I’m nearly 28 my biological clock is ticking and I’ve never even come remotely close to a fucking proposal because I obviously don’t deserve one or meet some requirements I just can’t seem to find! I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong, I’m quite pretty (I’ve been told anyway), I have long blonde hair, a witty sense of humour, I’m well educated and I have my own hobbies, I’m creative, and I have my own place my own car I have a job, what the fucking hell am I doing wrong? I can only assume I am annoying and people are angry with me because of ocd. How depressing. Well fuck it who cares any more! I’ll just be nothing but “hot” to people forever then seeing as I will never manage to achieve marriage and a family ? at least my body won’t change too much so I got that going for me which is....nice? ??♀️
uwotm8uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 People have said before I’m “the common denominator” so is it actually my fault? Cuz if so what’s the point in anything anymore? I’m a good girl ffs ?
uwotm8uwotm8
- Date posted
- 5y
@uwotm8 Actually you know what after typing out my own pathetic life I can see I’m not as valuable as other women. As you were everyone. Just ignore this shit show I can’t be bothered trying any more I’m done, I’ll never have what they have so I may as well think of other stuff instead
LifeGoesOnLifeGoesOn
- Date posted
- 5y
There are more out there than you realise. Sticking with one that makes you unhappy isn’t gonna help you find that one.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond