Guys I think I’m just now a pedo. I just want to kill my self i’ve been thinking about how this is literally my one and only life that I get and that it is possibly one of the shittiest ones filled with a never ending OCD cycles that has lasted for decades. I’m sad that I have to do all this goddamn ERP the rest of my life and have to do maintenance forever and have to do all these fucking work on top of the work a normal person has to do. All I ever feel is rage and frustration and depression and I’m on an antidepressants. I hate my life it’s honestly not worth living anymore I have no skills I had to drop out of college because of this, I can’t be around kids anymore because I genuinely feel like I want to touch them, i’ve hated almost every job that I’ve worked and can only get jobs that I hate and I’m absolutely god awful at them, and I haven’t really fully been attracted to people my own age in a year I can’t even look at porn and get off on it anymore. Also, before anyone asks, yes I’m in ERP and guess what shit ain’t working and in fact it’s starting to convince me that I really am what I feared all along. I’m supposed to start a partial hospitalization program but that got taken away because of COVID-19 stipulation bullshit. And I have to start looking for another one that’s probably way more expensive. honestly I’m not even sure that’s gonna work. I don’t wanna live long enough to see myself become a monster. Fuck everything I hate my life!!!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I see a lot of pain and frustration in this post. Is there someone you can talk to about these suicidal feelings? Would you be able to contact the person you do therapy with and talk to them about this?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Also how long have you been in ERP? Because Erp tends to raise anxiety for a while before reducing it.

Hmac

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 I’ve done the 8 week NOCD program

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Hmac Ok. Yeah it took quite a while for me. I’m guessing some people need more time than others. Ocd can be extremely frustrating. Are you going to be able to keep yourself safe tonight?

Hmac

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 Yes, i’m just so fucking angry

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Hmac I can get that. These thoughts can be so difficult and scary. What is something that might help you right now? Sometimes just talking helps me, even if it isn’t about the thing upsetting me. Other times I find something to do that I enjoy. Art helps me a lot.

Hmac

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 I don’t know I guess sleeping it off might help

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Hmac Sorry I didn’t see this sooner. How are you now?

Hmac

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 I’m ok doing betterish

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Hmac That’s good. :)

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