Any HOCD sufferers around? I’m sorry for posting so much but I am in a dark place. I just got married and my HOCD has flared dramatically. I try not to post to lower my anxiety but I had a sex dream with a woman and have started once again to doubt myself. The idea of hurting my husband bc he’s my best friend not someone I love bc I’m gay is haunting me. I don’t have it in me to fight anymore. I’m seeing a therapist but it’s so hard to do erp when I have been aroused by that stuff in the past. So it’s like confirming I’m a lesbian. I’m going insane. Any help, at all. Or advice is deeply needed.

I know. I just feel like I suddenly have so much evidence. I’ve gotten over this before but what if it never goes aways

@wellwellwell The thoughts may always pop up. How we respond is what can most likely change as it's something we have control over. It sounds like you're working at it. You'll get better as you go ☺.

@Ben84 Thank you❤️

It makes ERP feel pointless. Is it a fear if I’m genuinely aroused. I can’t shake it, sometimes I feel like my HOCD is more real than other people because I know it’s really arousal. It makes me jealous of people who know for a fact they aren’t. I’ve only been married for a week and I’m already terrified I ruined his life. I wanted to enjoy marriage. I’m just suffering

@wellwellwell don’t worry. i’m sitting here with my best friend and the thoughts are telling me to kiss her. it makes me feel numb and make my heart drop but i’m not really anxious rn i guess but it’s still scary as hell. i don’t know like if i would kiss her or not, okay now saying that i wouldn’t but it feels wrong saying that!!!!

@holley I understand. I have a lot of what if’s. Like what if I like sex more with a woman? What if I fall in love with one? I get it. I’ve even started to feel uncomfortable around my sisters?

@wellwellwell i hate this!! i’m struggling so hard. i feel like i actually want to kiss her it’s so annoying i’ve never thought of this before hocd!

@holley Same here. Literally never thought about girls like that. It’s so stressful! It makes me never want to be around women

@wellwellwell sameeeeeeeee like all i want to do is be around guys now. why is it telling me to kiss her????? this is my best friend. also another friend told me last night that she thinks i’m gay and my heart dropped!! does this happen to you???

@holley She told you that?? Why did she even say that

@wellwellwell i don’t know but it scared me so bad!!!

@holley Did you ask her if you were or was she just like “you’re gay”?

@wellwellwell i asked her

@holley Did she say why? That seems like a really triggering thing to say.

@wellwellwell because i looked gay apparentky and told her about the arousal and everything and how the thoughts are every second of every day

@holley Okay so “looking gay” is not a thing. That’s just not real. The thoughts every minute of everyday are simply explained by ocd - you’ve had other themes right? And arousal, what was her reasoning there?

@wellwellwell i have rocd and also i’ve had just obsessive thoughts about just random things in my past- harm ocd... i don’t know she just said that i’m probably gay since when i’m with my bf and have sex with him the thoughts are always there

@holley Lol okay your friend is definitely not an ocd expert. What I’ve learned is to not talk to people who don’t have a clue what they’re talking about about it. You have a history of ocd, these thoughts NEVER stop, you are bothered by it. No offense to your friend, but she’s wrong. You are aroused by sex with your boyfriend and making out. So that refutes a lot of her claims. I would be careful in the future. I just can’t believe she told you you looked gay, that’s offensive to gay people to say that you can tell when the only thing different is their sexuality. Hang in there, I would be so triggered too, but I know you’ve got this