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- 5y
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Can you give an example?
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Compulsions and senseless action consists of checking emails, checking LinkedIn, sending emails, organizing calendar, deleting events from calendar when done, checking past days on calendar if anything is missed to add to the present day... all in all days and actions are driven by compulsive action
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This then leads to feeling senseless I believe and detached from myself... then when socializing I am just stepping into the world in a similar state where I didn’t have clear attached to myself in a personal setting
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And there is little to no emotional reaction to things in life as it all seems to be apart of a compulsive to do list
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@dcd10 Do you do this because of some underlying fear of something catastrophic happening otherwise or because you are a highly organized individual generally and this is important to you in order to remain organized?
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@Fear Strikes Out There is no fear or distinct thought that sets it off. I am more just Type A and highly organized but it has gotten to a senseless point and the actions don’t serve me
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@Fear Strikes Out There is definitely a desire for a sense of control and there could be a deep rooted fear of the unknown and not being in control that led me to get to this point
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@dcd10 Just curious, do one or a few of these apply to you? 1. Is preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost 2. Shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., has difficulty completing a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met) 3. Is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity) 4. Is overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification) 5. Is unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value 6. Is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things 7. Adopts a thrifty spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be kept for future catastrophes 8. Shows significant rigidity and stubbornness
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@Fear Strikes Out Number 1, 2 hit the nail on the head
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@Fear Strikes Out 1 more so than 2
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@dcd10 Honestly, I probably could have said 1, 2, 4, 6, and maybe 7 at one time in my life. By the way, this is the criteria for an OCPD diagnosis if you meet at least four of them. One of its distinguishing features from OCD is that the individual does not see any of this as a problem or impairing. Conversely, the OCD sufferer does some of these things strictly out of fear of some catastrophic event happening in their life. Some of the compulsions might be re-checking work or lists, re-reading, re-writing, intensely focused on mistakes (in emails, text messages, school or work reports), etc., none of which the individual wants to do but feels compelled to do it in order to prevent something bad happening. I fell in the latter category.
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@Fear Strikes Out 1 and 2 are my main problems but the actions that turn to excess are apart of daily life.
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@Fear Strikes Out I repeat actions or create lists to the point where the repetition and list itself override the meaning of the action
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@Fear Strikes Out In turn leaving me feeling rather emotionless, unfulfilled, directionless, etc
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@dcd10 Sounds more like OCD to me, as it does not seem that you really want to repeat these actions.
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@Fear Strikes Out Did you do anything specific to overcome your experiences?
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@dcd10 I attended an OCD treatment program.
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@Fear Strikes Out Learned Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP).
Related posts
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- 20w
Around 10 years ago when I started getting violent OCD intrusive thoughts, I also started fearing that I was a sociopath. I began overanalyzing everything — especially my emotions. It's like if I could prove I had emotions it proved I wasn't a sociopath. I care deeply about my family — I worry about them, I want them to be safe and happy, I want them to get theit deepest desires — but I don’t know what love "feels" like, if its supposed to feel like anything. People describe love as this warm, obvious, fuzzy emotion, but I don’t experience it the way I think I’m supposed to. Is it supposed to be intense? Constant? Loud? Because I’m not sure I’ve ever felt that. My family isn’t very emotionally expressive either. I cherish hugs from them when I get them, I initiate most hugs with my parents (but I don't like hugs from other people, like co workers) but overall my family doesnt show affection much, and that’s made me question if I’m even capable of love. I overanalyze my feelings constantly — especially after realizing I don’t feel connected to God in the way my old church said I should. I don’t love God. I don’t feel anything toward Him — we’ve never met obviously so I just never got a connection with Him. But growing up, that felt like a sin in itself. As a teen, I felt ashamed knowing I cared more for my parents than for God, especially when church messages said God had to come first. There’s a song by Mary Mary that says, “I love you more than my mother, my father…” and it used to make me feel broken. My feelings were in direct contradiction with what I was taught, and that shame never fully left me. OCD latched onto that hard. It’s only after a coworker passed away — and I found myself crying multiple times over it — that I realized I do care deeply for people. But even that realization felt pathetic. Why did I need such an extreme moment to feel something “real”? & why didn't I care for another creepy bigoted co worker when his son was sick? I felt nothing. I’m scared my OCD is convincing me that I’m heartless, even though I want connection. I crave love. I like hugs. It’s exhausting and terrifying to doubt my own humanity like this. I hate this fear. I hate that I don’t trust myself. I hate that OCD makes me question my morality, my emotions — everything that makes me me. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? How do I even explain this to a therapist
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- 12w
I’m really struggling and I feel emotionally drained. Every time I spend time with my boyfriend — even when we do something nice, like watching old videos or just being together — I feel this heavy, painful disconnect. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t like him,” “he’s annoying,” “I feel nothing,” and it feels so real. We’ve been together for 2 years, and this has been going on for more than a year. It’s exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly chasing a feeling that never comes. I’ve read everything about ROCD, about ERP, about how I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts… but even when I try, nothing makes me feel better. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore. When he wants to see me or come over, I avoid it. I don’t feel excited. I even feel afraid of being around him sometimes because I’m scared I won’t feel anything and that confirms my worst fear: that I’ve lost feelings or never had them. My chest feels tight all the time. I feel like I’m lying to myself and to him. I know he loves me so much — he even moved to my city to be with me. And yet here I am, thinking these horrible thoughts and feeling nothing. It makes me feel like a terrible person. But I’m also just so lost. Has anyone been through this? Where it all just feels too real, like you’ve hit the truth you’ve been avoiding? I feel like I’ve ruined everything, like I’ve been forcing feelings all along, and now there’s nothing left to feel.
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- 4w
Hello lovely community, I’m curious if anyone else has dealt with existential OCD, especially with a fear of life having no meaning. My biggest compulsion is doing something meaningful and checking if I feel different, like happy or elated or fulfilled, which usually leads me to feel the opposite. How do I prevent compulsions that are so automatic? Even if I’m just making jokes or hanging out with friends, I’ll automatically check how I’m feeling. I worry often that my OCD will get “worse” and become unmanageable. I’ll often check my emotions or thoughts or feelings to see how my OCD is in that moment, to see if its getting worse or better, which leads me to constantly be on high alert and very aware of my thoughts and feelings. I’ll also avoid doing things I love or overindulge to check my emotions. Any advice would be appreciated :)
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