My son, who has OCD, wants my husband and I to wash our hands before we go can be in his apartment. (Which we are helping him pay for) I also want to wash his bed sheets as he has not done so for literally months and months. He won’t allow me to do it. He wipes things down, including himself, with paper towels soaked in alcohol. He will do this in front of us. I told him to not let the OCD tell him what to do. He told me to back off. What can/should we do???? Please help!!!

Here’s a guide for caregivers. See pages 11 & 12 for guidance. https://www.ktph.com.sg/uploads/1493878296A%20Handbook%20for%20Caregivers%20on%20OCD.pdf

Recommend the book "when a family member has OCD" by Jon Hershfield.

How insightful is he about his condition?

He knows he has OCD. He says the OCD lets him live the life he wants to!

This is exactly what Im going through.. wiping stuff down with antibacterial wipes and tissue soaked in alcohol. I dont know exactly how you can help him cuz even I dont know how my husband can help me.

He’s 30. Since he was 8 or 9

I told him I won’t partake in his OCD rituals. I plan to wash his sheets. Is that ok, do u think??

Why don’t you bring him a new set of sheets washed and ready to go wrapped in Saran Wrap. Leave them and let him put the new ones on when he’s ready and feels ok replacing them. Acceptance and understanding wash your hands or wear gloves and talk and enjoy his company. Support him and learn as much as you can about ocd so you have the insight.

We are on the emotional edge at all times and any stressors will exacerbate the condition.

I thought that would be supporting his OCD! It’s affecting him and all of us. He won’t get help. His father and I have started to attend meetings and have talked to OCD counselors. They say we are enabling him... ???

I bought him new sheets. They just sit there!

I’m sorry for the difficult times you’re going through. I thought maybe he might want to do things on his own. I’m not a therapist and my ocd is related to symmetry and perfectionism. We you able to review the caregivers guide link I attached earlier. It might have some better suggestions.

How challenging. I have contamination OCD and it’s a delicate balance for my loved ones sometimes, particularly when they inadvertently cause me great agony with what are perfectly normal behaviors. You are so correct that you need to maintain boundaries and not participate in his rituals. (That said, asking guests to please wash their hands when entering an apartment during a pandemic is actually in line with medically-advised best practices, so that one is tricky. ) Is he in therapy? He sounds like he would benefit from ERp, particularly as wiping one’s skin repeatedly with alcohol is quite unhealthy. Good luck. You sound like you really love him and are trying to support him the best you can.