Self harm and suicide trigger warning - - - - So I did it again. I don't really feel anything. As I hurt myself I put myself down "I'm only doing this for attention" as I proceed to keep it to myself. I can't get over the shame and the guilt. I need serious help. I hate myself the most for having bodily responses to the intrusions. It if were just thoughts and images then maybe I would have reached out for help. But I'm in too deep. The moment I would mention "feelings of arousal" most people will take this as confirmation that I'm a pedophile despite me never having had these thoughts before. I am passively suicidal. I wish something would kill me. A heart attack, a car accident, cancer, anything. I am so tired.

I feel suicidal Bc I have felt aroused by children and I can't make it go away. I'm convinced I'm a pedo and that's a death sentence for me. Ive felt arousal for same sex, animals, children, family members. I'm sick. And I feel hopeless.

Serious trigger warning here for POCD and suicide. I have these thoughts, urges, and feelings that are terrifying. I don’t act on them and I believe I would never act on them but it feels so real and horrible. I don’t know how this started and I want to believe I am a good person but I’m just so scared that I’m going to do something terrible. And even just these thoughts scare me to my core and make me think, “oh what if I am a pedophile” even though I know I’m not, and I don’t know how to deal with them. When I can keep myself busy it gets easier to forget this stuff, but if I have downtime I can’t get it out of my head. I had a young girl, most likely middle school age, come into my work with her parents today and I was terrified of the idea that I could be attracted to her. I don’t believe I truly am but my thoughts get so aggressive that I don’t even know what to believe. I avoid a lot of things but sometimes you don’t have the option to avoid and it just gets things further stuck in my head and I end up fixating on awful things. I wake up with this stuff floating around my mind and I can’t get it to go away. I’ve even considered just ending it to all to make it easier on myself and to make sure that I never have the opportunity to act on these horrible thoughts and feelings. I don’t ever want to do these things and I know it may sound ridiculous, but the consequences of these actions I haven’t committed scare me as well such as people no longer trusting or loving me, prison, hurting someone else in any way, not being a good person, etc. I just can’t find anything that helps fix this. I have broken down many times due to this issue and I feel like it’ll never go away. I know killing my sled is not the answer and I know I will never act on any of this but the thoughts and feelings are so aggressive that I live in an almost constant state of fear of my own mind and body. I hate this. What did I do to deserve to suffer this way? Why me? Why can’t I just be a normal person with normal human thoughts and why of all forms of OCD did it’s have to be this one? I don’t know what to do. Someone please help me fix this before I lose hope.

i have been getting really gross intrusive thoughts. They have caused me to feel such intense guilt. It’s gone to the point I harmed myself and believe I deserve this harm. My parents had to hide all sharp objects from me so I don’t harm myself. I also have wanted to end my life due to the intensity and discomfort and disgust and repulsion these thoughts give me. I feel since I have these intrusive thoughts I do not deserve to live. I have been to a mental health emergency room and I felt better afterwards but it was temporary relief. I have been given medication for this (sleep since the intrusive thoughts and the fact that I have these intrusive thoughts keeps me awake unable to sleep, and pills for my OCD to potentially stop the intrusive thoughts and anxiety. But I was only given them last night so they will not work for a week or so). I don’t even feel comfortable saying the theme of them because I’m terrified of people thinking I am that and am so repulsed by the fact that still exists, I would never think anything like this out of my own will. If I heard anybody say the thoughts I have out loud , I would stay away from them, and be disgusted by them for saying it. I wouldn’t even vocalize these intrusive thoughts to a therapist because they would hate me which would be completely valid and understandable. I hate me too for thinking this. I don’t deserve to live. I live in constant guilt. I never got thought like this until these theme decided to ruin my fucking whole ass life. How do I remove these thoughts and guilt. I’m only a kid and I know I have a whole life ahead of me but I don’t deserve it for having these intrusive thoughts. I’ll get intrusive thoughts like wanting to harm somebody in a graphic way (WHICH I DO NOT WANT. I wouldn’t even get in a fight with somebody. I hate harming others.) these thoughts are 100% UNWANTED. They also developed at random. I was just scrolling on tiktok as one does then I got a super random intrusive thought. I fixated on it and obsessed over it and it caused worse and worse intrusive thoughts to come because of me fixating on it. I remember I had it once before (earleir I says I’ve never had thoughts like this untill the theme, the intrusive thought i had then was still bad and something I don’t think at all, but it was an extreme one) but I was able to acknowledge it was an intrusive thought and had nothing to do with me after freaking out for about a few hours. I don’t want to live with these thoughts. I don’t deserve the gift of life. I can’t stand up from guilt. I can’t eat on my own. I’ve tried everything. They’re constantly in my head. I DONT WANT THEM THERE. I DONT THINK LIKE THAT AT ALL. I am seeing a therapist on Thursday. They get so specific and disgusting. My compulsion is hitting myself in the head and screaming “no that’s gross ew”. As you can tell it harms me . But I think I deserve it. I can’t take any thing anyone says to me seriously because if they heard these intrusive thoughts all the pity would disappear.