Self harm and suicide trigger warning - - - - So I did it again. I don't really feel anything. As I hurt myself I put myself down "I'm only doing this for attention" as I proceed to keep it to myself. I can't get over the shame and the guilt. I need serious help. I hate myself the most for having bodily responses to the intrusions. It if were just thoughts and images then maybe I would have reached out for help. But I'm in too deep. The moment I would mention "feelings of arousal" most people will take this as confirmation that I'm a pedophile despite me never having had these thoughts before. I am passively suicidal. I wish something would kill me. A heart attack, a car accident, cancer, anything. I am so tired.

Know that even if you're not actively suicidal you can still call the hotline or use their online chat feature. It might help you to hear a human voice right now. They may not "understand" your OCD but you don't have to tell them everything anyway.

I've been through this when I was 17. I realised that fear was the trigger, the more I felt guilty, the more I felt bad and anxious, the more "feelings of arousal" were stuck deep into myself. It was really intensely awful, so I decided to fight it. Literally I mean each situation I was afraid about I face it. Easy to say once we're out of this but I suffered a lot from this and it was that that worked for me.

There is help for you. Are you seeing a therapist or have access to therapy? Therapists who work with ocd will have worked with people with pocd before and will understand. Also when you want to self harm you can call hotlines, even if you aren’t actively suicidal.

Yes of course here are my tips. So, when I was younger I was afraid of being homosexual, then pedophilia (the higher step). I suffered intensely for like two years fighting against my thoughts, and the feeling of being attracted (the power of OCD, it's something!). Then I realise that, my fears did some tricks to me. I realised that the more I was afraid, the more I was certain to act badly toward someone in a sexual way (niece, little girl, little boy, nephew, cousins' daughters, etc, my mom or my aunt everybody it was unfair and horrible to think about, I thought about). Then I did realise I was always fighting for it and yet all my energy to get rid of it served nothing but increase the sensations. I decided then to upside-down my attacks. Each situation I was afraid about I face it. I was afraid to carry my cousin's daughter onto my lap ? "Let's do this! " Afraid of keeping my niece or nephew? "Got it!" Afraid of laying my hands onto the thighs of a child who wanted to sit upon me, by fear of feeling something ? "Done!" Each time I did it, it was a way to say to my fears to GO to HELL, and it worked really well and I knew it would work because my FEAR was the trigger. It was logical. The worst enemie is your fear, not your "arouses". If you were really aroused, you wouldn't be into this website.