Would a child still like me (seh really likes me even after all these years) if I had touched her inappropriately??? (this is a false memory) My therapist once asked me if I felt arousal that day and I said that no, I didn't remember There were 2 witnessee there but what if I left them at some point to hurt the child? I never touched anyone inappropriately and I was always very strict about peoples privacy but I'm afraid that I changed suddenly because I had started masturb- I feel like a monster...

Vlera ibraj

Date posted: 5y

I have something that might Help u a bit, If it was true you would be like «what am i doing» WHILE u were touching that kid or whatever ur thought is saying, or RIGHT after u did it u will be like «nobody can know» or «Im scared they will find out» and not just POP up. Trust me i have dealt with that before. I thought i gave someone a blow job and Im Only 13 i was so scared and felt guilt cause my mom didn’t know something that never happened, stay strong.

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

I know what you mean...

[Deleted]

Date posted: 5y

Comment deleted by user

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

Oh... Because I started thinking more about s-x and I feel like I became a monster and I started craving more it after I started masturb. If it makes sense. I'm still a virgin because I always wait for the right person but after I started doing that awful thing, I developed pocd and zOCD and other sexual themes... It was awful.

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

@Bob999 Thank you... Yes, I've been diagnosed with ocd twice.... But what hurts me the most is my false memories. I'm so afraid I hurt the child

Ben84

Date posted: 5y

You've shared these details before ☺. What are you hoping to get out of this post ??

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

I'm just worried I'm a monster...

Ben84

Date posted: 5y

@myocdstory You're never going to get certainty on this issue. The best thing you can do now is live your values.

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

@Ben84 But... I need to be punished for my crimes if I actually commited them

Ben84

Date posted: 5y

@myocdstory You can't even prove you committed a crime, how will anyone else? Leaning into uncertainty is your best choice.

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

@Ben84 I will try. Thank you.

Ben84

Date posted: 5y

@myocdstory Rooting for you ☺!

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

Maybe she would still like you, yes. Whether she likes you now might indeed not be a perfect indicator of whether the memory/idea is real or not. It's probably best to stop looking for ways to tell whether it's real. I KNOW that's uncomfortable, believe me, I've had to do it myself plenty. But this issue will seem less important and less realistic, if you ruminate about it LESS.

myocdstory

Date posted: 5y

I'm trying not to ruminate. I really am... Its just... (sighs) If I actually harmed this child, I have to kill myself and I can't rest until I know. She was really fond of me. I don't remember seeing her uncomfortable or sad or angry around me, you know? I was mentally sexually abused as a child and yes, I did like my relatives even after that, I still do but I think I've shown uncomfortableness in my eyes. Oh. Who am I kidding? (sighs) you're right! I don't know... I will never know... Unless I ask the child herself but that you'd be awful. My friend told that even today she asks for me and tells her how sweet I was... That's the only evidence I have. I don't know what to do. I can't move on

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@myocdstory Call 911 if you think you’re a danger to yourself

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