Just a quick anxiety episode: I just posted some hw for a psychology class and I think I did a pretty good job. Its been 5 yrs of college and I know my brain is burned out at this time & my expression has been okay at most. I dont ever care about 'likes' or replies but i looked to see how many people commented on my assignment. None. I posted my hw earlier & we all have to reply to 2 others in the class. Then i look over at another student's work and its nicely formated & neat. 4 replies. Suddenly, this anxiety kicks in....her's is better than mine......im not enough....my work is not enough......im not enough.....I know for SURE how to become a better writer. I know how to better my abilities, I know how they've included examples and the text and I know im stressed with finals but this feeling under my rib cage is soft but there. I think, just deep down inside.....whwn faced with my best or 90%, somehow, someway, i dont ever feel adequate.

Having thoughts like "your thoughts are real... you really are a bad person.... you don't have ocd, you're just using it as an excuse for your thoughts... you were 'diagnosed' by a college counselor, so it's probably not real... you like your thoughts....." and right now I'm able to keep the anxiety down which is good because I have one more class to get through today but I can tell that later I will be overthinking this and probably get extremely anxious. When I get really anxious I can't cry, I don't know why, but then my head tells me "well you're not crying so you're not really upset or worried about it because you're a bad person." Sorry in advance if I go on a posting spree later when this all hits.

So im 20 and I’m the assistant manager at my job, I constantly work with customers and I struggle with my role and a manager. I constantly feel like I’m less than and like I can never be good enough which is why I need constant reassurance. It replays in my head over and over like a broken record “you’re a failure” “not good enough” “you don’t deserve this role” to the point where I have to take a 10 to calm myself down. It’s exhausting, KNOWING I deserve this role but THINKING I’ll never be good enough. Anybody else struggle with this at work ?

I didn't even realize. I'm about to get my period and my anxiety is higher. I'm noticing how my friend hasn't written back to my texts or hasn't answered the last 3 times I called. I think he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I wrote a text and asked if I did something wrong and he didn't respond. My other friend annoyed me. And I think my other friend doesn't like me that much. I feel abandoned and forgotten and like I must be a bad friend or bad person or why would they all forget me like this. What did I do? Did I take my opinions too far? I've been picking at my skin, having a feeling of unrest. I just watch Netflix and lie on my couch to avoid it. I look okay, but I haven't worked in a year purposefully to find a new way, but I haven't found it yet. I'm doing so much, but it always feels like too little. I tell myself again and again that I'm doing enough, but there's always a voice that says no you're lazy, you're unhealthy and you're just making excuses. I hyperfixate on stupid solutions like blood tests, supplements, genetic testing to explain my symptoms my depression (or is it laziness) my anxiety, my lack of energy, my aches and pains. I quit all drugs and alcohol even caffeine. I track my sleep. I want to feel good. And believe it or not I was thinking I did feel good? Until the afternoon. I don't know. I really hope this is just some fucking b vitamin deficiency and I'll take some pills and be reborn as a human and not a trash pile. Look at me all perfect. With all my career, and my money, and friends who don't like me. Don't I look put together. I'm so imperfect and so scared of anyone finding out. I'm so scared to tell anyone how messed up I am on the inside. I rant to my therapist, my coaches, whoever but I'm just going around in circles. Without support I'd be fucking nuts. Thankfully I pay people to support me. Because no one would for free. Fuck my.life.