I’ve been having a really hard time with SOOCD or more known as HOCD . I’ve always supported people who were apart of the lgbtq and am a firm believer of love is love , no matter who it is . But ever since a few weeks ago I’ve been in total distress over my sexuality . I’ve always been attracted to guys ...every day I was thinking of this one particular guy who still has my heart , he makes me happy and thinking about him always made my day better whether it’d be seeing him again or sexually . But then boom I’m suddenly questioning my sexuality . For weeks I lived in fear that I was changing . Then I found out there was an actual disorder for it . I’ve been trying to better myself but the more I expose to it the more anxiety it brings on . I tried some erp exercises last night and it made me extremely calm ( note : I’m never ever extremely calm) and it freaked me out to the point where I cried for hours because I felt like I was accepting that my life is now this false reality . I just want to feel like myself again . But all I feel is confusion on whether or not I’m straight- bi- gay . It sounds awful to say but I don’t want to be gay . I don’t want to live my life with someone of the same sex . I long for my boy ...my guy . I want to marry him and spend my life with him . But my thoughts constantly keep destroying me . I feel like it’s tearing me apart and destroying me . They say not to use your compulsions but it feels so good to . Accepting that I could possibly be that terrifies me since I’ve always been 100% about my sexuality . I just want to be me , I just want to be with the man of my dreams without all of this coming in and taking over . I won’t allow it .

Gaby

Date posted: 5y

Don’t give up, you’re gonna be okay. I’m not giving you reassurance but you aren’t alone in this since your story is very similar to mine. One day I was “normal” me, never questioned my sexuality either, and now I’m this anxious self doubting person. It’s awful. I hope you’re seeing a therapist so they could give you their advice and give you a proper diagnosis so you can move forward in recovery. Just know, that you’re going to come out of this no matter how hopeless it seems. Try not to argue with your thoughts. Something I say often is “not going to argue right now I’m just going to let you be there and move on with my day”. Take care!

letsbeatocd

Date posted: 5y

I feel this 1000000%! I used to be so boy crazy and I loved it but literally overnight HOCD hit :((

anonymous212

Date posted: 5y

I am the EXACT same way. I’m not trying to give reassurance but u can’t just automatically change ur sexuality. it’s something ur born with. if u were crazy about boys u can’t just automatically stop that

letsbeatocd

Date posted: 5y

It feels like it changed overnight. I’m so depressed now. I can’t even give my boyfriend all my love bc I feel like I’m gay ???

CoreyC

Date posted: 5y

With you 100%.. the thoughts that happen on their own.. come out from triggers that are unknown (for me) and the ones that subconsciously happen... completely wreck havoc and cause anxiety... I totally get it but we’re all in this together and gotta push through everyday cause it will get better.

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