Well, after a day and a half of nearly no bad OCD thoughts... BAM, I think horrible one and I’m making myself mad because I didn’t feel any anxiety over it. It makes me feel like a disgusting human. Like I don’t want to do anything like my thoughts suggested! I want to be known for the good I can do for this world, I want to help the homeless, my goal is to one day open a homeless shelter! But like my “insidious” thoughts are making me mad. I don’t want my name to go down in history as someone who did bad! I want to be good.

I agree. Im good with having bad days, I think I mean more along the lines of peace in my mind and heart. I want to be at peace rather than chaos.

@luchalysol Yeah. When do you feel the most peace? Maybe try to immerse yourself more in those things❤

@Daisy102 When Im lifting at the gym. I try to go 5-6 times a week currently but it has been hard to stay consistent over almost the last 2yrs.

@luchalysol That's so awesome! That's a long time, even if its not a perfect habit. What did you so before then? Is there anything else that makes you happy? Or is there a way you can work more physical activity into your daily life/errands?

Thanks girl! Its the worst, I love to sing and i have a hard time doing even that. What Im glad is helping is going back in the gym. Ive noticed that while Im there, there's moments where my thoughts and ocd are gone.

@luchalysol Sweet. Yeah we just gotta cherish those moments. The hard part is you can't be in the gym all the time. So you gotta find a new strategy for the rest of the day. I'm sorry that singing is an OCD target. It really sucks when it tries to kill things you love. What holds you back from it?

I got my first noticeable onset of ocd just this year, so its fairly recent

Looking back, Ive had symptoms since I was 12, but mostly checking, being scared of people sleeping in the day or scared of dolls and I had to put them in the closet every night of I couldn't sleep. But its never been harm ocd like it is now and it terrifies me

@luchalysol Oh sweetheart!!! I started when I was 12. And YES. The harm thoughts are so bad I'm so sorry. It really sucks. I worked as a volunteer with preschoolers in school and I was always really afraid I would hurt the. Or bring a weapon. It SUCKED

@Daisy102 Yes! Im terrified of being alone with my son and others. Ocd targets my son the most. I also have ptsd from chikdhood trauma with my abusive brother, so it fuels my thoughts. My brother would constantly wish me dead and he was open about it. My ocd takes the form of me being my brother all the time. It sucks

@luchalysol Wow. That really sucks. A lot.

@Daisy102 Yeah, he would torture me and in 3 separate occasions to the extent I thought he actually was gonna kill me. Which then makes me wonder if it runs in my family.

@luchalysol Oh crap. That does not help in the least huh. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. I gotta go... But keep thinking. Ill be back love??

@luchalysol Maybe think about what relationship you would LIKE with your son... Like if OCD went poof. Talk in a bit??

@Daisy102 I think about it all the time, even before he was born. I never have lived up to that expectation and I feel bad about it. I was genuinely making a bunch of changes and progress was going great, until ocd hit. I truly was looking forward to him coming home and now Im terrified to even be arpund him

@luchalysol Hmm... So immediate problem is the harm OCD? If that were gone you would be able to keep progressing on the rest. So.how do you overcome the fear? You know how. ERP. It sucks. It might help to make a hierarchy. Like looking at him with others around is a 1, and spending a whole day alone with him is like a 10. Then you can work on the lower numbers and work up. Its so hard though! So we love you and are pulling for you and the process might take a while but you're not done yet. You see the problem and you are strong enough to progress??keep me posted please❤❤❤

@Daisy102 Id continue with the progress I was already making. Im currently in therapy and we did make a hierarchy. Yes, my son's father and I agreed that I won't be unsupervised with our son until my therapist deems it appropriate for exposure. We are on thefirst few exposures so I don't wanna go too strong. Im aware its a process, and as much as I wanna run away, I have to keep trying for my son. I wanna be the mom for him I didn't have. I might have made many mistakes since he was born, but Im willing to do whatever it takes to be the mom he deserves.

@luchalysol That sounds really great. I love that you're working on it and you have somewhere to go. Know I love you and I'm praying for you. I think you're a great mom because youre willing to go through heck for your little boy. You got this pal!!!!!!!?

I have my side business when Im not at the day job, sometimes I get so focused I forget about ocd but it usually doesn't last long. Or Ill ruin it by noticing I haven't had thoughts and they come back.

@luchalysol Ahhh haha. OCD is obnoxious. I get that though. That tricky cause you cant leave easily huh. What do you do? Is it like a desk job?

@Daisy102 My day job is a desk job, my business is not for the most part.