I am terrified to take a step towards exposing myself to my compulsions. I need everything to be clean for me to be clean so I don’t want to touch anything that I view not clean. I’m stuck and I am working with a therapist on my own, but I am still struggling with several thoughts and weird behaviors.

I would he sleeping in the same bedroom as my husband, snuggling with our pets, seeing my aging parents, laughing and going for walks. This was a good question. These are all the things I want.

@catattak And how would you feel differently about yourself?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I think I would feel like I could trust myself. I would feel less like I'm crazy and less shameful about being so dramatic about the pandemic. I guess because I would be less intense and crazy about it. I think I'd also take the time to look like myself too. Because I'm scared to touch things and my face, I dont do my hair or wear makeup or even nice clothes because I wash them so much. I guess my self esteem would go back up.

I’d hug my parents without feeling like I have to shower & change afterward, I’d be able to pet my cats at my parents house, I wouldn’t feel like I have to sanatize everything that comes in contact with my home, I’d let my boyfriend come over to dinner at my parents and go to family events without not allowing him to touch me at all afterward until he washes his hands & changes. I’d feel more safe and comfortable everywhere and my hands wouldn’t be scayly and dry.

@tryingtostaystrong Thanks for sharing these. Makes me realize I'm not the only one ?

Its hard for me because nothing feels like it is worth being on a ventilator (COVID-19 is my fear). But I have to look at how OCD is negatively impacting my life and consider what's probable with the pandemic. Initially I thought chapped hands and no social life were worth staying off a ventilator. Slowly I'm trying to teach myself that a ventilator is a worst case scenario and I need to stop doomsday planning because the alternative isnt just chapped hands. Its mental health and my relationship. I suppose i cant stand like a 7 on the discomfort scale but i might be able to get through a 6.

@catattak You're starting to develop insight that your OCD might be misleading you.

I wouldn’t lay in my bed in it or let my boyfriend touch me in it.. but under those conditions I’d say 8. but those two conditions are what’s causing me issues... and if I didn’t cave into those conditions it would be way lower

@NOCD Advocate - Katie How can I continue to develop the understanding that my ocd is misleading me? Growing up as a female, we're always td to trust our instincts - if something feels wrong, it's probably wrong. It's really hard to battle that.

@catattak Maybe you can reflect in times unrelated to your OCD that your thoughts and emotions gave you inaccurate information about the world

Thank you

@ellanescence I can relate to your post btw. I hope your work with your therapist goes well ☺!

@Ben84 Thank you so much

Thank you so much, and congratulations! I will certainly check that out ?

@ellanescence It's long but worth it. Really informative.