i cant do it anymore. why wont this ever end? i thought i was getting somewhere and now a whole new theme on top of it. why cant i make this stop :(

thank you, im trying ?

i dont know. i want to hurt myself but im trying to resist it. i want to. but im trying.

@caz :) Do you feel your life is in danger?

@Ben84 i hope not. my mom keeps telling me i only think about myself. i feel like they'd all be better off without me as all i do is upset them. and i hate who im becoming from all this. i dont think my lifes in danger though. i want to hurt myself to punish myself for being bad to everyone else though. but i dont want to hurt myself. but i do? i dont know.

@caz :) I apologize for getting some of you folks mixed up sometimes, but are you the one who I talked to about cutting herself before? Did you mention that you recently told your therapist about it?

@Ben84 yes, that's me.

@caz :) On a scale from 1-10 where would you say your anxiety is right now?

@Ben84 im not really anxious, just miserable. I've had enough, im done. i just dont really see the point anymore. nothing is getting better i just find myself constantly deteriorating. no matter what i do im just miserable. my happiness feels forced, in every way. im just, done. the thing is i want to disappesr, but i dont want to kill myself. i dont WANT that. i dont want a permanent solution to a hopefully temporary problem. i just need to disappear for a while. i want to hurt myself because my brain says it will help, but i dont want to hurt myself.... it's a battle between my mind. i dont know what to do!@

@caz :) Okay, similar question. On a scale from 1-10 what's your misery like?

@Ben84 its awful, but im not crying anymore, so maybe like - eight and a half? when i was crying i would have said ten.

@caz :) And you've tried talking to your parents and it didn't go well. Is that correct?

@Ben84 yep. they implied that i was being selfish and only thinking about myself, which upset me.

@caz :) Have you talked with your therapist about your discussion with your parents yet?

@Ben84 what do you mean discussion with my parents?

@caz :) Have you told your therapist that your parents responded dismissively to your concerns?

@Ben84 not yet, i dont see her again until next wednesday :(

@caz :) Consider letting her know. She might be able to help. You were last at an 8.5 on the misery scale. Where are you at now?

@Ben84 i will! im still around an eight. im trying to stop myself from hurting myself but im struggling.

@caz :) I see Sara made a suggestion for you. Check it out and perhaps I'll check in with you later ☺.

@Ben84 What's your misery level now?

@Ben84 i just woke up. i still feel pretty shit :(

@caz :) I just woke up here is South Dakota, USA ☺. 1-10 where are you now? It's okay to give the same number (sometimes we feel pressure to say we're better when we're not).

@Ben84 hahaha im here in ireland!! right now, a 5/6. i was sailing all day which made me feel happier :) i hurt myself again last night though :( i promised myself i wont do it again, which im going to stick to!

@caz :) I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. More importantly,perhaps, I'm glad you're doing something you enjoy ☺. I also appreciate you being honest with me about hurting yourself. I'm pulling for you ☺!

it is :(

thank you so much!! ill check it out now :)