canigetawitness
- Date posted
- 5y
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
We've had conversations before about how you have a secondary obsession about doing exposures perfectly. We've also talked about errors in your conceptualization of ERP and thus misusing erp and turning it into a compulsion. Can you recall those conversations? What do you remember from them?
canigetawitnesscanigetawitness
- Date posted
- 5y
going our* own direction. Sorry for the typo.
catattakcatattak
- Date posted
- 5y
I have similar confusions. I was watching a webinar where they talked about eating grapes off a bathroom floor. They said it's obviously possible to do those things now in the pandemic. But I was still like "who the hell would do that under normal circumstances??" Haha I guess the idea is it teaches you that if you can do that, you can obviously touch door handles but what's normal? Before my contamination ocd was triggered by covid 19, I was someone who always washed for 20 seconds with soap after the restroom, before meals and after meetings or handshakes. But some people dont even do that! So what's the line?
catattakcatattak
- Date posted
- 5y
obviously impossible**
canigetawitnesscanigetawitness
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah, it is odd. I hear a lot that the content of your obsessions & compulsions doesn't matter. But, if that's the case, what's the point of extreme like exposures. It's almost like you're digging into content at that point. I see how doing something really uncomfortable could help aid to put you in the middle ground, also though, like how often am I supposed to stay in the higher end of things. Its interesting.
catattakcatattak
- Date posted
- 5y
@canigetawitness That's a good question. I've tried to do one exposure a day. Today I had to go to the hospital and I knew that would be my one (a HUGE one) and it was a lot. I spent much of the day after it exhausted in bed after a full decontamination session and running my brain like a hamster wheel. It got me thinking like...how many exposures should I do in a day and what's too much? Like obviously the hospital was too much (albeit necessary) but what's the sweet spot? How do I know if I'm going too easy on myself and when I should increase? I'm also terrible at knowing what's too much.
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
@canigetawitness the point of extreme exposures is to learn you can handle extreme distress. In fact, the point of ALL exposures is to learn to handle distress. The exposure task is just a means to that end
canigetawitnesscanigetawitness
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes, I actually made a question mark sign and put it next to my TV. While watching TV I get the intrusive thought that I might be smearing soap all across my TV and not even know it. I try to sit with that, but then I think of extreme exposures/overcorrection & that if I'm not smearing soap across my TV, I'm avoiding doing the therapy I might need to be doing. It's constant thoughts of "For overcorrection, you need to be smearing soap on your TV" "What if I've done that and now smeared soap on my TV?" "I wouldn't like doing that outside of the disorder, it'd make me uncomfortable, so that's OCD and I need to expose and habituate to it or else I'm avoiding." I'm trying to just watch the TV the way I like, the way I want, I am trying. There's so much guilt & fear though that I'm not doing it hard enough or extreme enough. I'll keep trying. I'm sorry I'm reposting. I remember what you helped me with, the thoughts are so convincing as therapy and they intrude my mind pretty much 24/7. I'll keep trying to just sit with it all.
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
:) you did a nice job explaining peices of what we talked at before. It's clear that you're learning and taking action. Can we review the OCD cycle as it applies to the fear that you're not doing therapy correctly?
canigetawitnesscanigetawitness
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Yes, I think that just sitting with the thought "There might be soap smeared across your TV." isn't enough therapy. It ultimately boils down to that fear here. My mind immediately goes to overcorrection/high exposures & I start feeling like I need to habituate to some other task that is harder than "What if there's soap smeared on the TV?" I think I'm not pushing myself far enough, when really I'm just torturing myself with the rumination. I know that ERP is about experiencing the obsession & then not performing the compulsion. I try to stick with that. I also know therapists have clients go above & beyond this & that's where I'm getting stuck. It's like I know what I need to do BUT what about the above & beyond exposure part? Feels wrong to exclude that, but also I don't think it'd get me anywhere if I did include it, just further into OCD.
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
@canigetawitness I think it might be helpful for you to drop habituation as the goal of therapy all together
canigetawitnesscanigetawitness
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Maybe so. I'm meeting with a new therapist on Saturday & I'll mention that. It's been surprisingly difficult explaining all of this to a couple past OCD therapists.
Related posts
ynnej
- Date posted
- 22w
Any advice please??
This is a repost, only because the last post had no responses lol. Please if you have any advice share. I’ve been trying hard to sit with the feeling of anxiety. Actually that’s the problem, recently I’ve been trying to sit with the thought (and I’m able to for a few hours or until the next morning) and then my anxiety comes back so strong and it’s like I need to clean everything off. I see images of gross laundry getting on everything or my hand and then I need to clean everything off to un contaminate it. Sometimes the thought happens later at night so I just sleep through and the next morning I will wake up with intense anxiety about contamination. That happened yesterday and I had to clean everything off and since then I’ve been traumatized so I’ve been doing compulsions like avoiding the bathroom and being around people so I know I couldn’t have done anything wrong. Actually recently my biggest compulsion has been recording every time I get up to go eat, etc so that I know I couldn’t have done anything. Any advice or help???
Monkeybrain842
- Date posted
- 21w
How does one activl 'practice' exposure therapy ?
One problem - Various themes This is my first post. I had a relapse a few months ago. Life was amazing and then boom, I got triggered by something and started spiralling about my sexuality (having finally been at peace for two years, entered a healthy new relationship and come out of the closet as an older women). How do you, when you're not triggered practice ERP? I'm able to try and accept the thoughts every time I see a man. What should I be doing when I don't encounter these triggers. I was to say as well that I also am starting to get real event OCD about some of the sexual things I did in the past when I was married and in an unhealthy toxic relationship with my ex husband. I am shamed and disgusted and I'm working on it but there's a certain subsection of the LGBTQ community that trigger these thoughts, groinals and thing for me... I feel like I'm beginning to realise I need to maybe be a little more active in my recovery instead of waiting for triggers... But I don't know how
Epanonymous
- Date posted
- 13w
Contamination, with the compulsion to avoid messes
Hi all, I’m new here and just recently got diagnosed. I’m trying to make sense of a lot of things and could use some perspective. I feel like I’m the only one who has contamination themes and does not have the compulsion to clean things, but rather to run away from the mess. I would really love to hear from someone who can relate, because right now I feel like I’m making it up. Details which might either be useful or triggering: My kitchen is the best example. I might leave a dish or two in the sink and say “I’ll clean it up soon, it’s no big deal.” But then—because of a combination of factors—it will probably sit there for a couple days. Around day 2 or 3 I develop an aversion to dealing with it. It gives me ick. And the longer it sits, the ickier it becomes—realistically and in my imagination. And because I’ve stopped doing dishes, they really start to pile up, and each day, getting started feels like more work and more confrontation with disgust. I will start thinking about how I need to do dishes, or take out the trash, and then get hit with a horrifying mental image of bugs (I’ll spare you the details) or other really disgusting things happening. That image brings me shame and makes me scared to deal with the mess. When it really piles up, I start getting images of the nastiest hoarders’ houses I’ve ever seen, and I start catastrophizing about the future I’m doomed for. So mostly I just watch tv to get my mind off it. (I swear I’m not just lazy 😔) This is true for food too. I will be unsure if something in my fridge is a little too old, so I decided to hedge my bets and I avoid it. I let a lot of food go to waste this way. The biggest problem here is I don’t throw it away when I decide it’s bad. I just side-eye it. Maybe because I know it’s silly to decide 6-day-old soy milk that smells fine has a “bad vibe,” and I think I may be able to get over it later. But then the food actually spoils and I don’t want to touch it to throw it out. I actually had a week or so in June where I couldn’t open the fridge because it smelled bad. It took every ounce of emotional energy and an external deadline to force me to clean my kitchen. I had a couple of meltdowns but it felt great to get my space back. Of course, it’s a cycle and it got bad again. The crazy thing is, I love to cook and I even like doing dishes. And I do dishes every day at work, no problem! But I’m spending so much money on takeout because my kitchen is always trashed. :( Is this super crazy? Does it even sound like contamination ocd? Am I alone in this? Any feedback would be helpful.
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