- Username
- canigetawitness
- Date posted
- 4y ago
We've had conversations before about how you have a secondary obsession about doing exposures perfectly. We've also talked about errors in your conceptualization of ERP and thus misusing erp and turning it into a compulsion. Can you recall those conversations? What do you remember from them?
going our* own direction. Sorry for the typo.
I have similar confusions. I was watching a webinar where they talked about eating grapes off a bathroom floor. They said it's obviously possible to do those things now in the pandemic. But I was still like "who the hell would do that under normal circumstances??" Haha I guess the idea is it teaches you that if you can do that, you can obviously touch door handles but what's normal? Before my contamination ocd was triggered by covid 19, I was someone who always washed for 20 seconds with soap after the restroom, before meals and after meetings or handshakes. But some people dont even do that! So what's the line?
obviously impossible**
Yeah, it is odd. I hear a lot that the content of your obsessions & compulsions doesn't matter. But, if that's the case, what's the point of extreme like exposures. It's almost like you're digging into content at that point. I see how doing something really uncomfortable could help aid to put you in the middle ground, also though, like how often am I supposed to stay in the higher end of things. Its interesting.
@canigetawitness That's a good question. I've tried to do one exposure a day. Today I had to go to the hospital and I knew that would be my one (a HUGE one) and it was a lot. I spent much of the day after it exhausted in bed after a full decontamination session and running my brain like a hamster wheel. It got me thinking like...how many exposures should I do in a day and what's too much? Like obviously the hospital was too much (albeit necessary) but what's the sweet spot? How do I know if I'm going too easy on myself and when I should increase? I'm also terrible at knowing what's too much.
@canigetawitness the point of extreme exposures is to learn you can handle extreme distress. In fact, the point of ALL exposures is to learn to handle distress. The exposure task is just a means to that end
Yes, I actually made a question mark sign and put it next to my TV. While watching TV I get the intrusive thought that I might be smearing soap all across my TV and not even know it. I try to sit with that, but then I think of extreme exposures/overcorrection & that if I'm not smearing soap across my TV, I'm avoiding doing the therapy I might need to be doing. It's constant thoughts of "For overcorrection, you need to be smearing soap on your TV" "What if I've done that and now smeared soap on my TV?" "I wouldn't like doing that outside of the disorder, it'd make me uncomfortable, so that's OCD and I need to expose and habituate to it or else I'm avoiding." I'm trying to just watch the TV the way I like, the way I want, I am trying. There's so much guilt & fear though that I'm not doing it hard enough or extreme enough. I'll keep trying. I'm sorry I'm reposting. I remember what you helped me with, the thoughts are so convincing as therapy and they intrude my mind pretty much 24/7. I'll keep trying to just sit with it all.
:) you did a nice job explaining peices of what we talked at before. It's clear that you're learning and taking action. Can we review the OCD cycle as it applies to the fear that you're not doing therapy correctly?
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Yes, I think that just sitting with the thought "There might be soap smeared across your TV." isn't enough therapy. It ultimately boils down to that fear here. My mind immediately goes to overcorrection/high exposures & I start feeling like I need to habituate to some other task that is harder than "What if there's soap smeared on the TV?" I think I'm not pushing myself far enough, when really I'm just torturing myself with the rumination. I know that ERP is about experiencing the obsession & then not performing the compulsion. I try to stick with that. I also know therapists have clients go above & beyond this & that's where I'm getting stuck. It's like I know what I need to do BUT what about the above & beyond exposure part? Feels wrong to exclude that, but also I don't think it'd get me anywhere if I did include it, just further into OCD.
@canigetawitness I think it might be helpful for you to drop habituation as the goal of therapy all together
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Maybe so. I'm meeting with a new therapist on Saturday & I'll mention that. It's been surprisingly difficult explaining all of this to a couple past OCD therapists.
I have contamination OCD. Any ideas on exposures I could do? Maybe some easier and harder ones? Thanks!
I don't understand ERP. How is it logical? I can sit with my hand in a toilet all day & I refuse to habituate to it. I don't even have contamination fears & that's nasty. Making a picture hanging on the wall crooked on purpose? Why? I prefer my pictures to hang straight. I wouldn't habituate to a crooked picture.... Lick the bottom of your tennis shoe? Ew. Not gonna habituate to that either. Curse God out with curse words? Don't care to do that & I'm not even religious. So, how does ERP work? I don't get it.
Question about ERP. So, if the goal is to habituate to whatever we are exposed to, how does that work logically on some exposures. For example, put your hand in a toilet & habituate to the discomfort. Or even, lick the bottom of your shoe & habituate to the discomfort. Make a picture crooked on the wall & habituate to the discomfort. My concern arises because even outside of OCD, I wouldn't completely habituate to these things as a person. #1, i don't have contamination OCD & I think sticking my hand in a toilet is icky. Licking the bottom of my shoe is icky too. Yeah, I can handle a picture crooked on the wall, but I prefer my pictures to hang straight. Get what I'm saying? Sometimes I wonder if I went through ERP, it wouldn't work anyway because outside of it, I'm not going to 100% habituate to these things. Not sure alot of people would completely.
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