Hi. My whole life I have though I was dealing with anxiety, but after recently being hospitalized for a serious self harm episode, I am considering the possibility that I may actually have ocd. It was first brought up to me while I was talking to my therapist about an episode I had in which I heard a chorus of voices telling me the god was watching me. With those voices came an intense feeling of impending doom, and at the time I was scared to move. I was physically able to move, but I held the belief that if I stayed completely still that nothing bad could happen. I can think of countless instances of things like this happening. A prime example is that from seventh grade to my junior year of high school I can remember getting the feeling of everyone’s eyes on me and I would feel a rush of anxiety. When these happened, I would always in turn become hyper aware of my breathing. For the rest of class, I would then try to stifle my breathing and stay as still as possible. Another example is that I would have the thought in my head “what if my face turns super red in the middle of class?” and as a result my face would get more red, then I would worry about my face being red so of course it would get redder and redder. One more example is the classic stories my parents would tell me about from my early childhood. They say I was a very smart kid but I was very anxious and took everything literally. For example, when as a very young child I would cry on the bus because it didn’t have seatbelts. And another time my dad misplaced something in the house and he made a joke that he would “burn the house down” looking for it - I really thought he was going to burn the house down and I started panicking. Could these have been early signs of ocd? All of these examples seem very aligned with ocd in that I have an impulsive thought paired with a behavior that I think will combat the anxiety coming from that thought. If it is ocd, it would seem that my most common compulsion is to be still. I think it could still be anxiety though, just because I can recall periods of up to about a year that I have not had a compulsion. I have also noticed that when I went to college, I no longer got intrusive thoughts in class, but they instead came back to me in other forms. I started to have thoughts of myself and family dying in extremely violent ways and they would often happen while I was driving. These thoughts are what eventually drove me to do what I did, swallow a bottle of pills, which put me in the hospital. Is it normal in ocd for obsessions and compulsions to change? Is it possible that I have ocd on top of my anxiety? Sorry this post was so long, I just started typing and the words came out! If u read this far then thanks!