- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m having a hard time living with this guilt I feel like everyone can pick up on my change in demeanor I can’t focus on anything and it breaks my heart because I feel like my baby can feel my anxiety
- Date posted
- 5y
If we keep thinking the disturbing thought is the problem, we can never recover. We must go beyond the thought, and realize ocd is using an intense emotion or sensation (guilt, disgust, pain, panic, etc) to keep us captive in the ocd cycle. But we can learn to sit with the anxiety, to realize we can handle it, and that an emotion, no matter how painful, is just an emotion. That is what helped me recover, we are all with you and beside you in this journey. E.r.p, (watching cases on pedophiles, etc) and staying with our debilitating anxiety, learning we can handle what our ocd has been scaring us with, and accepting uncertainty, is the only way to recovery, and it is possible to all people.
- Date posted
- 5y
Every single bit of this is me. Except it’s harm with my daughter and even others around me. I’m with you and I hear you ❤️ you’re not going insane, you’re just scared. Try breathing through these thoughts-deep long breathing esp. when you’re doing things with her that trigger you
- Date posted
- 5y
But never stop doing them, it only makes it worse
- Date posted
- 5y
Hello ☺! As impossible as it may sound "Maybe I touched her inappropriately, maybe I didn't" is your best bet to move forward.
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi thank you for your advice. But how is this an option when if I did in fact touch her inappropriately, I need to turn myself in immediately right?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Freemeofocd I recognize the dilemma (I have POCD and work with kids for a living). Yet I still believe the advice is sound. Are you in therapy?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ben84 I am not yet...
- Date posted
- 5y
@Freemeofocd I strongly encourage you to do so. An OCD specialist would be ideal. Telling a professional about your situation can at least ease the feeling that you're keeping something a secret. Does that make sense?
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel like I somehow wanted to touch her there in that area and I did, with that maneuver. It all happened so quick I tried to just do it and not argue in my mind about my motive behind it. But now all I can do is over analyze the entire thing and I don’t even know what’s real from imagined anymore because I have ruminated for so long. I guess what it comes down to is, I didn’t touch her inappropriately, and that’s all that matters. But in my mind I told myself the reason why I chose to maneuver her that way was because I wanted to act out my intrusive thought. When I know that isn’t true!
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m at the point where I’m doubting that it is even ocd where I feel like i just flipped and finally crossed the line. When I know i didn’t actually sexually abuse anyone, technically, I feel like I did because I did something I would’ve normally avoided, due to my ocd
- Date posted
- 5y
Has anyone experienced that? Where not giving into a compulsion lead to extreme guilt?
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes. Take some deep breaths ☺.
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel like I need to go run into the nearest police station and turn myself in
- Date posted
- 5y
Sit with that feeling. Do not go to the police station ☺.
- Date posted
- 4y
Freemeofocd. I don't know if you will see this but we are so similar. But is there any way we can talk? I don't think you can send messages on here. Our stories are so similar. And I don't mean we have to give reassurance but to relate and connect. It is hard finding someone who relates so much.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.
- Date posted
- 20w
Please help me. I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. I'm struggling STRUGGLING today. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support? (edited)
- Date posted
- 20w
Please please help me. I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. I'm struggling STRUGGLING today. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support? (edited)
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