I really need help I'm just so scared. I feel like I've turned gay and i don't feel like I love my bf at this point, I really don't feel connected anymore. Everytime he says he love me or shows any kind of affection I feel it's fair and now it's gotten to a point where I don't seem to care nor do I reciprocate his feelings back. I'm so scared. Coming on to my hocd, it has been screaming that I'm gay and that id like a relationship better with girls, I don't want one but it's still making me think this. It has completely destroyed my libido. It's also making me think that I'd like sex and kisses with girls more and it's just scary rn. I have never thoughts of girls like this and I don't want to. I feel like I'm turning cause I'm in my early adolescence stage :(. Even when I hit puberty 5 years ago there was only one thing on my mind and it was guys, I'm just so scared that I really am changing :(

What do you mean "you're still young??" I'm not worried about being bi, I'm worried about being Les. I don't like my thoughts. And I don't think you're completely getting my situation rn, I'm literally in a panic and I want to die. Idk if I love my bf anymore, I want him and I fell for him so hard but hocd and rocd has made me into this emotionless human being. Honestly you just triggered me even more....

And I'm not into lesbian porn and that's not my main worry...my god, you really don't get it rn. Yes, it wad the root of what caused me to have hocd but it isn't my main worry. My main worry is that I'm repressing and im forcing myself to date my bf. Les porn was just for sexual relief other than that Ive always found it disgusting and uncomfortable

@sanzida? so if you found it disgusting why would you watch it?

@holley Like I said, it was only for masturbation and I masturbate pretty rarely. Other than masturbating to it I actually hate and feel uncomfy to anything lesbian related

@sanzida? and that was the same thing for me too! i don’t masturbate because of the fact the thoughts are there and i can’t enjoy fantasizing about my boyfriend

@holley I don't masturbate to lesbian porn anymore though. I'm more into boy on boy porn now and straight smuts. I don't watch Les porn anymore but I still can't imagine my bf. That's my problem :((

@holley I really want to imagine my bf but I just can't do it. My thoughts say I'm gay all the time and this is like my 4th relapse. Like I'm disassociating so much idk who I was or what my true values are. Everything feels wrong now. I'm just irritated by everything all the time :(

@sanzida? i cant either! i literally can’t think of my bf. i dont watch porn anymore either like no porn AT ALL.

@holley Omg this is so weird like why can't we think of them sexually??? I can't think of mine sexually because of hocd and i literally want to die rn. Like it's getting so debilitating. Does hocd and rocd make you feel everything is wrong and irritating?

@sanzida? yes. literally what just happened was i tried to masturbate and only thought of girls and started to tear up and now i’m crying. i hate this so bad i’m crying.

@holley I'm so sorry, it will get better dw. I saw this pic of some romantic porn and I felt like I liked the girl instead of the guy. I feel like I'll like another vagina on me omggg!! :( I'm so scared like what if I do like it?? It feels so true :(

@sanzida? same here oh my god. i don’t know what to do, i literally can’t masturbate. i wasn’t even watching porn i was just using my fucking brain and i got aroused by the thoughts and cried. i wish i could just like be normal.

@holley Same here honestly, I'm so so k of all of this :((