So after going for things way too high in my hierarchy list thinking I could handle them and failing, I’m now left feeling worse by far. I reverted to my safety behaviours and routines But because my ocd is primarily to do with mental contamination, I’ve mentally contaminated some things i really love doing, hobbies - and now I no longer feel the same way about them because they feel contaminated as well as bring back bad memories. This has left. Me feeling really down, what can I do to get back those feelings of love for these things that I had, is it even possible? I notice that I’m now avoiding doing them because it reminds me of what I’ve lost Any suggestions would be much appreciated

I hate how ocd targets everything I love to do. Walking, excercising, gym… I used to love those things. It was my therapy. It were the things I could escape my thinking. Now those are the things i get stuck in my head. Why? It makes me sad. Sorry not so positive today.

I'm currently at one of the lowest points with my OCD despite me working so hard on it and everything that I know it stems from because a lot of my OCD comes from trauma from sexual abuse as a kid and as I got older and a lot of other stuff which is also why I have Complex PTSD. I was doing so well, I started medication, and I was in this dual housing program for treatment and everything was going okay. That was until I ended up getting SA’D by a man there and none of the staff cared or did anything despite me doing everything possible and gathering all of this evidence and all the people there either didn't care or bullied me relentlessly as they laughed with my abuser. It was so painful and I felt so alone. I think what triggered my spiral was that it was very similar to the reactions of my past assaults and thus my OCD came spiralling alongside my C-PTSD symptoms and I feel like it is worse then before. I left that place but its still absolutely terrible and I feel so hopeless and hurt. Not only did this man hurt me like I have been in the past he brought back the very thing that caused me so many years of suffering. It makes me sick. I don't want to think these thoughts or feel these horrible urges and sensations. I feel so disgusting and broken.

(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.