I don’t want reassurance I just want to vent, I genuinely cant tell if I’m a good person anymore. I feel like I’m just pretending to be one at this point because most of my thoughts are weird / gross. I know they’re not real but because my ocd strives from my senses it feels like it is / the fact that I pay attention to them even when my ocd isn’t really messing with me makes it even worse, like I’m okay with it and I’m just in denial. I don’t really know what to do anymore

oh hi Nikki tysm for replying! I’ve tried but I don’t know if I’m doing it right :-( I try to tell myself things like“ maybe I am x “ or “ I’m a bad person “ but I feel like it doesn’t help because I don’t get anxiety from it / I honestly don’t want to accept the uncertainty of being a bad person

@saltedcrabs I’m on Zoloft 50 mgs so that’s why I don’t really feel anxiety but it’s kind of scary I feel like I’ve done something wrong because it’s like I’m okay with the thoughts and sensations

@saltedcrabs No problem. :) I’m gonna be honest, I’m super bad at implementing Erp myself. I think it’s ok even if you don’t experience anxiety, as long as you avoid compulsions. Also anxiety might not be the only emotion that comes with ocd. Shame, guilt, discomfort, are also emotions. Do you have therapy or access to it?

@saltedcrabs Yeah the feeling no anxiety and then worrying about that is called the “back door spike” and is very common.

@Nikki1809 yeah you’re right I’ve forgotten about that, I do go to therapy but he isn’t really an ocd specialist so I’ve been thinking about changing to someone else on here

@Nikki1809 I know about backdoor spike aswell but i didn’t know not worrying about it applied aswell :o I thought if it was when you got anxiety for it

@saltedcrabs Yeah that might be a good idea. I’m the meantime there’s lots of great self help resources out there. What tools do you use to help with erp strategies?

@saltedcrabs Yeah the back door spike is like when you think that because you don’t have anxiety you must be everything your intrusive thoughts are telling you.

@Nikki1809 I’ve tried to distract myself a lot whenever I get a bad thought so I don’t give myself ressurance but because I don’t feel much different after ( aka no anxiety ) I feel like I’ve failed :( I do have weird feelings most of the time but they aren’t really like anxiety? it’s like I can just feel something going on in my brain while I’m doing something

@saltedcrabs but thank you for telling me! omg I thought it was just anxiety this whole time oops

@saltedcrabs Yeah I get that. I’ve definitely had thoughts that didn’t quite provoke anxiety just...general discomfort. I guess I don’t know if you’re supposed to always feel discomfort with erp. I’ll have to ask my therapist next time I see him.

@saltedcrabs Yeah no I don’t think it always has to be anxiety for the backdoor spike. :)

@Nikki1809 yeah same here honestly like I didn’t really feel uncomfortable but I just felt kinda off? if that makes sense, but thank you sm for advice! talking to you helped a lot :)

@saltedcrabs also i saw on your profile that you’re an artist? :o i am too!!

@saltedcrabs Glad I could help! :)

@saltedcrabs :o awesome!!!

@Nikki1809 do you have any socials? id love to talk to you about art if you’re okay with it :D

@saltedcrabs Yeah! My insta is @nmsnerd and my Snapchat is nikki.lincoln :)

@Nikki1809 cool! I’ll add you on insta :-) my name is saltedcrabapples

@saltedcrabs just followed! your art is so pretty omg

@saltedcrabs Thank you! :) I need to post more haha. I mostly made this insta account to follow people on here.

@Nikki1809 same! I would like to post art on my insta but i don’t really have enough finished works for it lol

@Nikki1809 do you actually want to talk on insta for now? I feel like it’s a bit easier

@saltedcrabs Sent a message :)