Does anyone else have problems of where reality slips in to your OCD thoughts and they mix together and you don’t even know how to feel. And you feel worse. And you feel more guilty. And just like a horrible person.

Melkate

Date posted: 5y

I feel like what your going through is exposure, you chose to go against them, when your so used to agreeing with them, it’s going to be difficult, it will definitely get better. I thought I had harmed my dog, I had the same scenario as you, I thought about putting steaming hot water on my dog in the bath, and then I felt an evil feeling with the thought and went towards doing it (knowing logically the water was warm not steaming) and thought I did it thinking the water was hot steaming and convinced myself I had done that to intentionally harm my little dog. I felt awful, i can imagine it’s even worse for you as it’s your daughter, however, it’s never the content with ocd, the content can make it scarier, so for you it is your daughter which seems even scarier for example than if it being a pet of yours, but, the content does not matter, what matters is the root issue, which is the ocd, no matter what the content is do not make it scare you any more than any other thought, they are all thoughts & feelings and urges no matter what the content, but over time I just didn’t solve it in my head and it kind of just went on it’s own, as my brain got used to the anxiety of maybe I did maybe I didn’t, I can’t explain it, I never thought I would forget about it, and I’d have to tell the police & get 5 years in prison. But you will not stay in this state of shame and pain, it will get easier, hope your ok xx:) @freemeofocd

Freemeofocd

Date posted: 5y

Ugh thank you so much for your response. I left a more detailed recollection of the event on another post on here from ducklingskies if you wanna check it out. I think what kills me the most is I’m convinced I did what I did out of wanting sexual gratification, when in reality I was just standing up to my ocd and intrusive thoughts and feelings. She wasn’t physically hurt by my actions. But like...would if she was? Or would if it was for sexual gratification and i used my ocd as an excuse to handle her the way that I did? That’s what gives me the most anxiety and stress. I keep ruminating the situation over and over and over again to where I can’t even understand what’s real from fake anymore. I feel sick and nauseous, I’m constantly in the bathroom, have zero appetite. But seriously your response was amazing. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it so much.

Freemeofocd

Date posted: 5y

I am literally in your exactly position right now. I have absolutely convinced myself that I have harmed my daughter. She is my life. My heart. My soul. I would never intentionally harm her and the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. But because reality came into play as I was battling in my head with my ocd thoughts, and I chose to go against them, I am absolutely convinced I have harmed her. I keep imagining her being taken from me, me going to jail, not being able to see her grow up, not being the mom I so desperately want to be to her, her growing up without a mom, alll of the absolute worst scenarios that make me absolutely sick. I’m so sad and scared and sick over this. I don’t even know what to do.... I feel like I’m going crazy.

Melkate

Date posted: 5y

I replied to you down below!

ItsOmar

Date posted: 5y

Definitely been there..

Conquering_OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

Knowing the difference

Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.

Juris

Date posted: 18w

It’s so scary because it feels real

I have really bed harming intrusive thoughts and sometimes feels like it’s feeling! The thoughts happening every day and the hardest part is that I’m testing my self in head all the time if that’s what I am or want!!! Also, so many times feels like I’m been tricking myself and doctor or people and maybe I don’t have OCD, just that maybe it’s me really!!!! How can I know who I am really 🥹???!!??

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15w

I feel lost

I honestly can’t tell when thoughts are being affected by OCD. Sometimes I think I have what I think are normal “grey” thoughts, but then OCD adds so much weight to them and I spiral. I had this thought that I wished my boyfriend was more confident or independent. I felt so guilty for thinking it. I told him, and of course it hurt him. He told me it’s a normal thought to have, I just dwell on it too much. And that it’s the kind of thought most people keep to themselves. That’s the thing. I don’t know what’s okay to keep to myself and what isn’t. I think sometimes I say things out loud not just to relieve anxiety, but because I genuinely don’t know what’s okay to think or say. I do not know the line between a normal grey thought and something that’s “bad” to think. I don’t know how to tell if it’s something I should process privately or something I need to be ashamed of. I get this confusion with intrusive thoughts too, but those are easier to spot and evaluate. This is harder, because again, it is *my* thought. That makes it harder to sit with. Maybe the intrusive part is the voice that questions what kind of person I am for even thinking it. I don’t have the same telltale signs anymore. My physical anxiety isn’t there anymore, it’s all in my head and that makes it so much more confusing. But I don’t know. The line between honesty vs compulsion is so blurry. I just feel lost

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Does anyone else have problems of where reality slips in to your OCD thoughts and they mix together and you don’t even know how to feel. And you feel worse. And you feel more guilty. And just like a horrible person.

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