- Date posted
- 4y ago
I feel like what your going through is exposure, you chose to go against them, when your so used to agreeing with them, it’s going to be difficult, it will definitely get better. I thought I had harmed my dog, I had the same scenario as you, I thought about putting steaming hot water on my dog in the bath, and then I felt an evil feeling with the thought and went towards doing it (knowing logically the water was warm not steaming) and thought I did it thinking the water was hot steaming and convinced myself I had done that to intentionally harm my little dog. I felt awful, i can imagine it’s even worse for you as it’s your daughter, however, it’s never the content with ocd, the content can make it scarier, so for you it is your daughter which seems even scarier for example than if it being a pet of yours, but, the content does not matter, what matters is the root issue, which is the ocd, no matter what the content is do not make it scare you any more than any other thought, they are all thoughts & feelings and urges no matter what the content, but over time I just didn’t solve it in my head and it kind of just went on it’s own, as my brain got used to the anxiety of maybe I did maybe I didn’t, I can’t explain it, I never thought I would forget about it, and I’d have to tell the police & get 5 years in prison. But you will not stay in this state of shame and pain, it will get easier, hope your ok xx:) @freemeofocd
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Ugh thank you so much for your response. I left a more detailed recollection of the event on another post on here from ducklingskies if you wanna check it out. I think what kills me the most is I’m convinced I did what I did out of wanting sexual gratification, when in reality I was just standing up to my ocd and intrusive thoughts and feelings. She wasn’t physically hurt by my actions. But like...would if she was? Or would if it was for sexual gratification and i used my ocd as an excuse to handle her the way that I did? That’s what gives me the most anxiety and stress. I keep ruminating the situation over and over and over again to where I can’t even understand what’s real from fake anymore. I feel sick and nauseous, I’m constantly in the bathroom, have zero appetite. But seriously your response was amazing. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it so much.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I am literally in your exactly position right now. I have absolutely convinced myself that I have harmed my daughter. She is my life. My heart. My soul. I would never intentionally harm her and the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. But because reality came into play as I was battling in my head with my ocd thoughts, and I chose to go against them, I am absolutely convinced I have harmed her. I keep imagining her being taken from me, me going to jail, not being able to see her grow up, not being the mom I so desperately want to be to her, her growing up without a mom, alll of the absolute worst scenarios that make me absolutely sick. I’m so sad and scared and sick over this. I don’t even know what to do.... I feel like I’m going crazy.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I replied to you down below!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Definitely been there..
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w ago
Feel guilty for not giving into compulsions like rumination and confessing? I feel guilt for having an intrusive thought, trying to shrug it off or just giving it a few seconds of thought and moving along. This sounds like improvement but I still struggle with the anxiety and the guilt. The shame. I’ll be okay and then I’ll remember I have OCD and my stomach will drop and I just want to curl up and cry.
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Somatic OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Harm OCD
- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- POCD
- Relationship OCD
- Date posted
- 21w ago
That’s kinda my question. All my thoughts feel so realistic and so now I doubt if they are ocd and if I just can’t make my mind up about something and I’m using ocd as an excuse or something idc I feel like this post is word vomit.
- Date posted
- 11w ago
I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond