- Date posted
- 5y
I feel like what your going through is exposure, you chose to go against them, when your so used to agreeing with them, it’s going to be difficult, it will definitely get better. I thought I had harmed my dog, I had the same scenario as you, I thought about putting steaming hot water on my dog in the bath, and then I felt an evil feeling with the thought and went towards doing it (knowing logically the water was warm not steaming) and thought I did it thinking the water was hot steaming and convinced myself I had done that to intentionally harm my little dog. I felt awful, i can imagine it’s even worse for you as it’s your daughter, however, it’s never the content with ocd, the content can make it scarier, so for you it is your daughter which seems even scarier for example than if it being a pet of yours, but, the content does not matter, what matters is the root issue, which is the ocd, no matter what the content is do not make it scare you any more than any other thought, they are all thoughts & feelings and urges no matter what the content, but over time I just didn’t solve it in my head and it kind of just went on it’s own, as my brain got used to the anxiety of maybe I did maybe I didn’t, I can’t explain it, I never thought I would forget about it, and I’d have to tell the police & get 5 years in prison. But you will not stay in this state of shame and pain, it will get easier, hope your ok xx:) @freemeofocd
- Date posted
- 5y
Ugh thank you so much for your response. I left a more detailed recollection of the event on another post on here from ducklingskies if you wanna check it out. I think what kills me the most is I’m convinced I did what I did out of wanting sexual gratification, when in reality I was just standing up to my ocd and intrusive thoughts and feelings. She wasn’t physically hurt by my actions. But like...would if she was? Or would if it was for sexual gratification and i used my ocd as an excuse to handle her the way that I did? That’s what gives me the most anxiety and stress. I keep ruminating the situation over and over and over again to where I can’t even understand what’s real from fake anymore. I feel sick and nauseous, I’m constantly in the bathroom, have zero appetite. But seriously your response was amazing. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it so much.
- Date posted
- 5y
I am literally in your exactly position right now. I have absolutely convinced myself that I have harmed my daughter. She is my life. My heart. My soul. I would never intentionally harm her and the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. But because reality came into play as I was battling in my head with my ocd thoughts, and I chose to go against them, I am absolutely convinced I have harmed her. I keep imagining her being taken from me, me going to jail, not being able to see her grow up, not being the mom I so desperately want to be to her, her growing up without a mom, alll of the absolute worst scenarios that make me absolutely sick. I’m so sad and scared and sick over this. I don’t even know what to do.... I feel like I’m going crazy.
- Date posted
- 5y
I replied to you down below!
- Date posted
- 5y
Definitely been there..
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I can be way too hard on myself and beat myself up over the smallest slip up in regards to OCD. Sometimes it can feel like I'm gaslighting myself on what was "so blatantly and obviously a moral atrocity in thought and intent", when 95% of the time I'm not even sure what my own intent with dealing with these thoughts is or why I do what I do. It makes me feel like some shameless beast for "daring to even entertain the thought of something so VILE!!!" When I just get so confused and scared on moral issues, like my mind is pulled down a rabbit hole I can't escape until the tricks are done on me and it's too late, i've accepted such ideas I hate until that hate and trying to not give in convince me "it might not be that bad". It feels like anything, even the most mundane things can trigger this. This cycle happens mainly because I feel like there's "no way to escape committing more 'attrocities' in thought or compulsion anyway"...and these cycles become the basis for more of these incidents. there a way to stop this? There have been multiple times where I called myself the R word, and even knowing it's a slur I still called myself that because "I'm nothing if not deserving of such scorn". Any attempt to stop the madness makes it worse and it's like all this I talked about is so convincing I dare not question it until after the fact. Please help.
- Date posted
- 23w
I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression
- Date posted
- 21w
I used to be able to determine what was my OCD and what’s real life but now it’s all just blending together. I literally can’t tell what’s true between what’s not true. my overthinking is absolutely terrible and rituals and everything is just crumbling.
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