- Date posted
- 5y
I feel like what your going through is exposure, you chose to go against them, when your so used to agreeing with them, it’s going to be difficult, it will definitely get better. I thought I had harmed my dog, I had the same scenario as you, I thought about putting steaming hot water on my dog in the bath, and then I felt an evil feeling with the thought and went towards doing it (knowing logically the water was warm not steaming) and thought I did it thinking the water was hot steaming and convinced myself I had done that to intentionally harm my little dog. I felt awful, i can imagine it’s even worse for you as it’s your daughter, however, it’s never the content with ocd, the content can make it scarier, so for you it is your daughter which seems even scarier for example than if it being a pet of yours, but, the content does not matter, what matters is the root issue, which is the ocd, no matter what the content is do not make it scare you any more than any other thought, they are all thoughts & feelings and urges no matter what the content, but over time I just didn’t solve it in my head and it kind of just went on it’s own, as my brain got used to the anxiety of maybe I did maybe I didn’t, I can’t explain it, I never thought I would forget about it, and I’d have to tell the police & get 5 years in prison. But you will not stay in this state of shame and pain, it will get easier, hope your ok xx:) @freemeofocd
- Date posted
- 5y
Ugh thank you so much for your response. I left a more detailed recollection of the event on another post on here from ducklingskies if you wanna check it out. I think what kills me the most is I’m convinced I did what I did out of wanting sexual gratification, when in reality I was just standing up to my ocd and intrusive thoughts and feelings. She wasn’t physically hurt by my actions. But like...would if she was? Or would if it was for sexual gratification and i used my ocd as an excuse to handle her the way that I did? That’s what gives me the most anxiety and stress. I keep ruminating the situation over and over and over again to where I can’t even understand what’s real from fake anymore. I feel sick and nauseous, I’m constantly in the bathroom, have zero appetite. But seriously your response was amazing. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it so much.
- Date posted
- 5y
I am literally in your exactly position right now. I have absolutely convinced myself that I have harmed my daughter. She is my life. My heart. My soul. I would never intentionally harm her and the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. But because reality came into play as I was battling in my head with my ocd thoughts, and I chose to go against them, I am absolutely convinced I have harmed her. I keep imagining her being taken from me, me going to jail, not being able to see her grow up, not being the mom I so desperately want to be to her, her growing up without a mom, alll of the absolute worst scenarios that make me absolutely sick. I’m so sad and scared and sick over this. I don’t even know what to do.... I feel like I’m going crazy.
- Date posted
- 5y
I replied to you down below!
- Date posted
- 5y
Definitely been there..
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 21w
Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.
- Date posted
- 20w
I think when people are saying OCD is egodystonic is really triggering me and I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else? I’m going through a really bad relapse and right now I’m trying to figure out if my thoughts are truly egodystonic, like I how do I know I won’t act on them, how can I trust my emotions and everything. I feel really confused and I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore or how I carry on with life because it’s so long and I’m so unsure of everything that’s going on in my head. Like how do I know that this is OCD and true desires/urges. I’m so confused.
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