I'm scared I'll always be like this. I am ruining my relationship. My boyfriend supports me and tells he is not irritated by me still i feel like he is getting irritated because I'm behaving like this. Why does OCD even exist ?. HOCD is even making me feel like i would like a girl. I'm very scared why are these thoughts getting so real. I'm seeing images of me kissing a girl i used to do with my boyfriend. I don't even know the reason why my ROCD and HOCD started. My relationship was going very well. I want my old days back. This lockdown ruined everything. I don't want to leave my bf but my thoughts keep telling me i don't love him and i want a break up with him but before these thoughts i was so sure i want him as my husband. I want to get well but I'm scared if i get well I'll stop loving him. I want to focus on my career but i feel like if i get a good job I'll become so proud of myself that I'll leave him and reject his marriage proposal. I was very good in studies but this ocd has made my life worst. ? I was a topper since my childhood but i cannot do anything now. My family even hates me. Only my bf loves me. I don't want to leave him. When will these thoughts go away. Will i ever recover. These thoughts keep shuffling. I just want my good old days with my bf back??

Thanks?

No.. I can't afford a therapist. I'm not working and my family doesn't support me. They think I'm doing a drama. I've to do it by myself

@magicwizard In that case: I’d recommend getting an OCD workbook and maybe some additional readings: https://ocdla.com/ocdreadings You may find The OCD Stories podcast helpful. You’re also going to need to learn to do ERP on your own: https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/expert-opinion-self-directed-erp/ Getting expert help is always preferable, but there is plenty you can do on your own with the support of your boyfriend and this community. Plus, things change: you may be able to afford treatment at a later date or your family may eventually change their minds if they can read up on OCD for themselves. I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now! There is light at the end of this tunnel though. Most people improve with treatment and ERP is highly effective.

@pureolife Thanks for your support. ? I'll definitely do anything to get back on track

Never... I have ocd since the age of 10.. I never enjoyed my life because of this?. I only enjoyed time with my bf and it's creating problem in my relationship also

@magicwizard I do the same thing as you, and my compulsion is constantly revealing what I’m thinking even if it’s bad. With my partner I sat him down and explained to him what I go through day to day and it helped TREMENDOUSLY

@Veve03 I tell him everything. He is super supportive but telling him everything was my compulsion so he tried to stop my compulsion but now I'm feeling disconnected to him ?. I said everything without hesitation to him and now i hesitate

@magicwizard I’m dealing with the same issue right now. (Wow are we like twins?) What if you guys had a really personal and deep date this weekend ?? Try something calm/ relaxing, and helps you guys bond

@Veve03 We cannot meet.. We have lockdown here? and one coronavirus case is found near his house. He cannot meet me?

@magicwizard Virtual date❤️?

@magicwizard You guys could pick out a dish online and you both could cook it side by side on skype, facetime, etc. and then sit down together and talk