So last night I tried some ERP and tried as hard as I could not to give into the compulsions of my thought, I didnt do well, but I was able to do it for at least a little bit until I fell asleep. Guess what was on my mind as soon as I woke up?! That same obsessive thought. I obviously dont expect things to change overnight, but I feel like I'm never going to catch a break. As much as I try not to give my OCD attention, it always prevails. Has anyone experienced this? Like any "unfinished" thought or obsession always creeps back in? They just seem to always resurface whether I have tried for ten minutes or a day to not give into them. I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts. Thank you!

I have just recently realized that I had SO OCD. This began whenever I was watching porn and had an intrusive thought about the guy in the porn. It was more minor at first, it was a majority of what I was thinking about throughout the day but it didn’t feel as distressing at first. If I had downtime to think about it, it would affect me but if I was just going about my day I wouldn’t notice it. I began going through the compulsions of checking myself. This lasted for a while until another obsession occurred. Then it seemed as if my SO OCD took a step back. I would have flare ups but they would seem to pass. Recently, I had a very bad night of constant compulsions and looking at pictures and imagining things to check myself. After that night it was very distressing, it affected me to the point where people around me began to notice and ask me if I was okay. One of the big reasons I was so upset was my girlfriend, we have been together for over 3 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking “Oh my god, if I am gay I can never be with her.” I would sit and cry about it thinking I would lose her and that might life would change because I was gay. I finally had enough and talked to her and my parents. We did some research and I was so shocked to find out that I had a form of OCD, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders just knowing that other people have been where I am and that I’m not gay. However, I may have naively expected the compulsions and obsessive thoughts to go away now that I knew I had an actual problem. But I found that the compulsions and thoughts were still there and I was going to put some effort into getting better. I have researched and now know what to do when experiencing intrusive thoughts, yet I still have been performing the compulsions which is just feeding into the OCD. I find myself having intrusive thoughts and then start performing compulsions to see if they are true. What really bothers me is when I have an intrusive thought that tells me that I do like something. But when I think about it I have no desire to pursue those thoughts. However when I feed into the compulsions they just seem to feed into each other. It is like my OCD ignores all the things that I know I like and goes straight to panic mode. I am also trying to do ERP and am going to start doing my best to get better. Does anyone have any tips for not performing the compulsions no matter how anxious you are feeling and no matter how real the intrusive thoughts seem to feel?

I’ve been stuck in this cycle for the last month or two and am not sure how to get out of it. Basically, I will work on ignoring the thoughts and not responding or engaging plus limiting/completely eliminating compulsions. After a week or two of constant work, the amount of intrusive thoughts in a day goes down. The anxiety each thought causes also goes down with some, but not all, thoughts passing without notice like they would for a normal person. The thoughts that do stick cause anxiety and make me want to ruminate or do other compulsions but I make sure to limit them. After a bit, I’m in a pretty good head space. This is usually when it goes down hill. I’ll start to question if I even have ocd because some of the thoughts (once again not all) pass without notice. The difficulty resisting compulsions goes down and so does the anxiety, only increasing the questioning. I spend a while questioning if I’ve ever had ocd in the first place and then something sets me off or the questioning itself becomes a trigger and I get stuck back into the same ocd cycle with constant rumination, anxiety, and other compulsions. This lasts for a week or two before I know I need to stop and try and work hard to get back to ignoring the thoughts. And the cycle just restarts over and over again. Does anyone have any tips to stop this from happening? It’s really harming my recovery as every few weeks I dive back into the same negative place I was.

I had an "OCD episode" several months back from NOT doing the compulsion. Or at least not "resolving" / dealing with the intrusive thought. What if "Not" dealing with it creates an issue that never subsides or makes you worse? This sounds dramatic, but I literally feel and believe like I was psychologically traumatized by not doing a compulsion --- which for me has been ruminating and "problem solving" to "deal" with whatever "challenge" / intrusive thought comes up. When I wasn't able to "deal" with it properly in a kind of stalemate, the "anxiety" last for at least a month. And it was severe -- brain fog, sundowning, cognitive difficulties, I think maybe even disassociation. You could even call it a mental breakdown and burnout (from OCD itself). Even went to a neurologist 'cause I think thought there was brain damage or some sht. I'm STILL recovery from that. I feel worse cognitively, and even think it that episode pushed me into some type of clinical depression. So isn't that lovely that "not dealing with the OCD / not doing the compulsion" is actually a shtty choice (for me) as well.