Maria
- Date posted
- 5y
DrvmstickDrvmstick
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey Maria. First of all I know it’s hard but the fact that you’re on here is a great first step. What you want to try to do is lean into your anxious thoughts instead of analyzing them. I know it’s easier said than done and it’ll take some practice but it’s something you have to do. For example, if your OCD tells you that your SO has a big nose, you can say to yourself “wow, my SO DOES have a big nose, I don’t know if that’s a dealbreaker for me” or if they say something your OCD perceived as “dumb” you could say “wow my partner is kinda dumb, I don’t know if I could be with someone who’s dumb my whole life”. It’s scary, but you have to face your thoughts. After enough practice you start to become bored of your thoughts and they pass by more easily. I’m no expert, just some tips that I’ve been using. Here’s a helpful video: https://youtu.be/w4r0kir8COY Good luck!
MariaMaria
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you! It’s more so over analysis about the relationship on the day to day. Whether I’m doing/saying something that will make them want to leave me or if they actually want to be with me. I’ll take your advice and try to sit with the anxieties until they fade. I’ll also check out the video, I appreciate you sharing it.
DrvmstickDrvmstick
- Date posted
- 5y
@Maria Ok, I think the concept still applies. You could say something like “oh man I said something stupid, he might leave me, that would suck” and just leave it there. The big thing with rocd is you truly don’t know, maybe he will leave you, maybe he won’t. You have to become comfortable with that uncertainty, and you do that by facing what you fear the ost over and over again and hopefully it becomes less scary over time. It takes weeks, but it works.
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
I don't know your past experiences as a child and in previous relationships. So I don't KNOW that what I'm about to discuss is happening. It's just a possibility to consider if you've experienced interpersonal trauma. When people experience trauma within relationships-physical, sexual, financial, emotional- they learn to be on guard all the time for warning signs that something bad is about to happen. That's because their brain learned that to protect them, it needed to be alert to tiny shifts in people's moods, actions tone of voice, body language, etc that indicated danger. If this is the case for you, there's probably more at play here than just OCD. It may help to address the trauma symptoms and maladaptive belief schemas in addition to traditional OCD therapy strategies
MariaMaria
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi Katie, thanks for your response. I appreciate your insight as that certainly may be happening—I’ll bring it up to my counselor. I don’t necessary fear response, I just overanalyze whether or not my partner wants to be with me (if I’m good enough.)
MariaMaria
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m afraid*
Related posts
ellij
- Date posted
- 19w
ROCD flare up
Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.
naiad
- Date posted
- 19w
Relationship OCD
Hi all, I’m F(20) and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend M(20) for 10 months now. Lately it feels like I’ve been getting triggered at the tiniest thing. My relationship OCD is centered around the idea that my bf will leave me, that suddenly his feelings will change and he’ll never look back. Inherently I know this is irrational and I know he loves me very much (as he tells me repeatedly when I compulsively ask for reassurance). I just can’t make my brain stop. I just feel so unsecured. He will mention that one of his friends drove an hour to see him for only 30 minutes. I will then spiral that I am not possibly doing enough and it’s because he’s secretly done with me and he’s longing for a reason to leave and go be with this friend instead. See? Truly irrational. But I cannot stop it. Any tips at all? Maybe I’m at least not alone in this. I often feel literally insane:(
Unstoppable ...
- Date posted
- 14w
Relationship OCD
Hi I'm new to all of this so I hope I'm doing this right. 5 years ago my 34 year marriage ended. My ex husband was a mentally and financially abusive, covert narcissist. All that is behind me now and I'm finally remembering who I am again. I'm in a relationship with a really great guy but the problem I'm having is relationship OCD. This has taken me by surprise really as I've had OCD from a very young age but never has it been about my relationship. I constantly check messages and go over and over conversations and convince myself my partner will eventually cheat. Almost every single person in his life I can feel threatened by and I hate this for him and also for me as I don't have any peace of mind. This is ruining the lovely relationship I know I could have so I really need to get a handle on it. Has anybody else experienced this and managed to control it?
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond