I have really terrible relationship OCD. The second I sense something is off, I overthink it until I’m exhausted and then I become uninterested in the relationship. At this point I don’t want to speak to my partner because ok afraid I’ll get triggered further. Any tips, thoughts?

Relationship OCD

Drvmstick

Date posted: 5y

Hey Maria. First of all I know it’s hard but the fact that you’re on here is a great first step. What you want to try to do is lean into your anxious thoughts instead of analyzing them. I know it’s easier said than done and it’ll take some practice but it’s something you have to do. For example, if your OCD tells you that your SO has a big nose, you can say to yourself “wow, my SO DOES have a big nose, I don’t know if that’s a dealbreaker for me” or if they say something your OCD perceived as “dumb” you could say “wow my partner is kinda dumb, I don’t know if I could be with someone who’s dumb my whole life”. It’s scary, but you have to face your thoughts. After enough practice you start to become bored of your thoughts and they pass by more easily. I’m no expert, just some tips that I’ve been using. Here’s a helpful video: https://youtu.be/w4r0kir8COY Good luck!

Maria

Date posted: 5y

Thank you! It’s more so over analysis about the relationship on the day to day. Whether I’m doing/saying something that will make them want to leave me or if they actually want to be with me. I’ll take your advice and try to sit with the anxieties until they fade. I’ll also check out the video, I appreciate you sharing it.

Drvmstick

Date posted: 5y

@Maria Ok, I think the concept still applies. You could say something like “oh man I said something stupid, he might leave me, that would suck” and just leave it there. The big thing with rocd is you truly don’t know, maybe he will leave you, maybe he won’t. You have to become comfortable with that uncertainty, and you do that by facing what you fear the ost over and over again and hopefully it becomes less scary over time. It takes weeks, but it works.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

I don't know your past experiences as a child and in previous relationships. So I don't KNOW that what I'm about to discuss is happening. It's just a possibility to consider if you've experienced interpersonal trauma. When people experience trauma within relationships-physical, sexual, financial, emotional- they learn to be on guard all the time for warning signs that something bad is about to happen. That's because their brain learned that to protect them, it needed to be alert to tiny shifts in people's moods, actions tone of voice, body language, etc that indicated danger. If this is the case for you, there's probably more at play here than just OCD. It may help to address the trauma symptoms and maladaptive belief schemas in addition to traditional OCD therapy strategies

Maria

Date posted: 5y

Hi Katie, thanks for your response. I appreciate your insight as that certainly may be happening—I’ll bring it up to my counselor. I don’t necessary fear response, I just overanalyze whether or not my partner wants to be with me (if I’m good enough.)

Maria

Date posted: 5y

I’m afraid*

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