Maria
- Date posted
- 5y
DrvmstickDrvmstick
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey Maria. First of all I know it’s hard but the fact that you’re on here is a great first step. What you want to try to do is lean into your anxious thoughts instead of analyzing them. I know it’s easier said than done and it’ll take some practice but it’s something you have to do. For example, if your OCD tells you that your SO has a big nose, you can say to yourself “wow, my SO DOES have a big nose, I don’t know if that’s a dealbreaker for me” or if they say something your OCD perceived as “dumb” you could say “wow my partner is kinda dumb, I don’t know if I could be with someone who’s dumb my whole life”. It’s scary, but you have to face your thoughts. After enough practice you start to become bored of your thoughts and they pass by more easily. I’m no expert, just some tips that I’ve been using. Here’s a helpful video: https://youtu.be/w4r0kir8COY Good luck!
MariaMaria
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you! It’s more so over analysis about the relationship on the day to day. Whether I’m doing/saying something that will make them want to leave me or if they actually want to be with me. I’ll take your advice and try to sit with the anxieties until they fade. I’ll also check out the video, I appreciate you sharing it.
DrvmstickDrvmstick
- Date posted
- 5y
@Maria Ok, I think the concept still applies. You could say something like “oh man I said something stupid, he might leave me, that would suck” and just leave it there. The big thing with rocd is you truly don’t know, maybe he will leave you, maybe he won’t. You have to become comfortable with that uncertainty, and you do that by facing what you fear the ost over and over again and hopefully it becomes less scary over time. It takes weeks, but it works.
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
I don't know your past experiences as a child and in previous relationships. So I don't KNOW that what I'm about to discuss is happening. It's just a possibility to consider if you've experienced interpersonal trauma. When people experience trauma within relationships-physical, sexual, financial, emotional- they learn to be on guard all the time for warning signs that something bad is about to happen. That's because their brain learned that to protect them, it needed to be alert to tiny shifts in people's moods, actions tone of voice, body language, etc that indicated danger. If this is the case for you, there's probably more at play here than just OCD. It may help to address the trauma symptoms and maladaptive belief schemas in addition to traditional OCD therapy strategies
MariaMaria
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi Katie, thanks for your response. I appreciate your insight as that certainly may be happening—I’ll bring it up to my counselor. I don’t necessary fear response, I just overanalyze whether or not my partner wants to be with me (if I’m good enough.)
MariaMaria
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m afraid*
Related posts
e2222
- Date posted
- 22w
Relationship OCD?/am I just evil
I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.
MM311
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 19w
relationship ocd?
for me it’s getting to the point where i don’t feel in love with my boyfriend anymore. i’m trying to keep myself from compulsing since my compulsions are all mental. it’s like the thoughts consume my mind every second of every day and i can’t catch a break. it’s like i want to be with him so bad but my brain won’t allow me. any advice?
lulu2
- Date posted
- 11w
Relationship OCD - PLEASE HELP
Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.
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