Relationship OCD - PLEASE HELP

Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.

Relationship OCD

Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26d

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. Here are a few things to try and help you: 1. You cannot control your thoughts - they come to everyone at random. The only thing that you can control is your response to the thoughts and with OCD this is a challenge - but not impossible. I have learned through ERP that when an intrusive thought comes in I am typically able to do nothing with the thought - no analysis, no arguing, just letting it be there. Does that mean I don’t feel the anxiety? No, I’m the contrary I feel it. I don’t let that bother me. It sucks to feel OCD but I ride the wave. IF I respond I will respond with a non-engagement response - like whatever, or that sounds great. That is it. Nothing else. 2. Please give yourself a lot of compassion. OCD sucks and it a difficult disorder to manage and you are doing the best that you can at this moment. Lots and lots of compassion. Ask yourself - would I treat someone else going through what I am going through right now the same way I am treating myself. If your answer is no, the. You deserve to treat yourself with the same understanding and compassion. 3. Today do something nice for yourself. I hope this helps.

lulu2

Date posted: 26d

@Jeffrey Thank you so much for your response. I find that when I give myself logical responses, like “yes you do love him- look at the way you do X and X for him without even thinking” it helps me a lot. I also just tried writing my anxiety provoking thoughts down, and it helped a lot. I still can’t figure out how to just stop the overall anxiety feeling from slowly creeping in every few hours. When this happens I spiral and my overthinking thoughts feel SO REAL! They’re all I can focus on and my heart feels so heavy and I have no energy for anything aside from focussing on the anxious thought. But I will try to utilise the ERP techniques you mentioned. And I will definitely try to give myself some compassion! Very much needed! Thank you again.

Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26d

@lulu2 Giving yourself logical responses is a compulsion unfortunately. You are trying to get rid of the anxiety. It’s learning to live with the anxiety that is key. Giving the thought no value at all - because it has no meaning. It is a misfire in the brain - that is why it feels real. I know it’s hard and it will take a lot of practice but you can do it. Reach out for support here. And it is important to remember that compulsions will always make ocd stronger.

Silver Tongu...

Date posted: 26d

Wow, how to respond. First off, step back, take a few deep breaths, and relax (I know easier said than done but do your best). Relationships are amazing because we are with someone who knows us, and understands us for who we are. They take on not only our love and devotion, they also take on the darkness as well. Some of us cannot help who we are or even what we are due to our genetic predisposition. Sounds like to me your confidence level needs a huge boost and that’s when we lean on our loved ones. They are there to calm us down, try to make us as comfortable as possible without stroking out. He should be the one holding you, comforting you, and making you feel amazing. Have you asked him what his thoughts were when you “aren’t” your best? Have you asked him if what you are thinking, or assuming, he’s feeling about you are true? Communication is first and foremost the glue that holds two people together. With love comes trust, with trust comes understanding, with understanding comes happiness. Are you overcompensating, trying to wear another mask for him? He should be your number one therapist because he knows you best. Sir with him. Talk to him. Make sure he expresses his true feelings about you when you have and episode. If he walks away, at any point, he does not care and does not love you. When people are at their lowest, they are vulnerable, and people will take advantage of that. Just be on guard. You are who you are and he should accept that no matter what, even in your worst moments. I realize it’s difficult, especially when you feel you have no control over your impulses and anxiety. It’s who you are. You sound like an amazing woman and should tell yourself that. No one is perfect however, in your mind, you are perfect in your own special way and he should be telling you that. You need a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a person who brings you joy and happiness. Hang in there kid, things will get better. Be the change you want to be. Crawl, walk, run.

lulu2

Date posted: 26d

@Silver Tongue Devil Thank you so much! He doesn’t really understand anxiety and requests I don’t tell him my ocd thoughts. He says he understands they’re intrusive and mean nothing, so he doenst want to hear them. In a way this is what I like, because I don’t have to confront anything and I can just push any wrong thoughts or doubts to the side. But for some odd reason, I find myself spiralling over certain thoughts and doubts, and the only way I can find relief is when I tell him. It’s a horrible cycle becuase then he feels hurt and disrespected (as all he asks is for me to not offload onto him) and while I feel momentarily relieved as I’ve essentially cleared my guilt and I don’t have a stressor to “hide” anymore or have repeating in my head, new guilt sets in for even having the thought in the first place. I truly hate ROCD and wish it wasn’t destroying the one relationship I value more than anything. Thank you for your kind words, I’ll definitely try to give myself some more compassion.

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 26d

It sounds like maybe that was the wrong therapist or type of therapy for you. But I really highly recommend ERP therapy. It will help with all of the things that you were saying. When you look at the big picture, all of the struggles that you have are OCD. We could talk about each specific struggle, but sometimes it's good to ZOOM out and look at the picture as a whole. With ERP therapy, we learn how to manage all the OCD thoughts and the actions. And then we are ready to treat every little manifestation of OCD that comes up. And that way, you can treat the whole picture. To sum up ERP therapy, it comes down to a few basic principles. We have to learn to ALLOW the thoughts to run freely through our heads without trying to stop them or fight them (which in your case, would you allow the thoughts that you don't love him, for example. However, we also acknowledge that these thoughts are just OCD and therefore meaningless – And so we don't act on them at all. We learn to deny any sort of action that would be a safety behavior based on the thoughts (because those are actually compulsions). So, in your case, it would look like you allowing thoughts of not loving him to circulate in your head, but you don't act on them at all. You continue to live your life exactly the way you want to live it. I can't recommend ERP therapy. No CD does it all the time, and others do it too. It might be something for you to check out.

lulu2

Date posted: 24d

@Tea and Honey Thank you for your response! I’ll definitely consider ERP therapy, I can’t believe I had never heard of it until this app!

Mariabae

Date posted: 5w

i need help, i dont know what is happening

I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.

Mariabae

Date posted: 4w

please read- rocd… or is it? im in agony

Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m feeling so lost. I’m in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. He’s kind and caring. And still… I can’t feel anything. I can’t imagine a future with him — living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like it’s wrong. I don’t feel happiness in the relationship. I don’t feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I don’t love him, that I’m forcing this, that I’m just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And that’s when it hits me — “What if this calm means I’ve accepted the truth? What if I don’t love him?” It feels like I’m in shock. Like I’m finally seeing clearly… but I’m terrified that it’s a clarity I never wanted. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know that I’m exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this — the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth — please tell me how you’ve gotten through it. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i can’t explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see “if you feel so bad then leave” but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that “i just dont like him” and gbat i couldn’t accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me

Mariabae

Date posted: 20d

It feels like I’m realizing the truth and it’s destroying me

Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling deeply with what I believe is ROCD for about a year and a half. I’ve read so much, I’ve learned about ERP, I know that I’m supposed to let the thoughts and feelings pass without reacting — but even knowing all of that, I feel stuck. More than stuck — I feel broken. Lately, I can’t stop thinking that maybe I never loved my boyfriend. That I only loved the idea of being in a relationship, and now I’m just trying to hold on to a fantasy. These thoughts feel incredibly real. When I’m next to him, kissing or cuddling him, I feel like I’m faking it. And that scares me. It feels like something inside me changed and I can’t go back. And now I can’t even remember what love felt like — it’s like I’ve lost myself completely. Yesterday was especially painful. I was overwhelmed and my mom, who usually notices when I’m not okay, tried to talk to me. She loves me a lot and has been carrying her own burdens lately. When she saw how much pain I was in, she reacted strongly — not because she doesn’t care, but because it hurts her to see me like this every day. She told me I might be lying to myself. That I’m hurting both myself and my boyfriend by holding on if I don’t feel love. She asked me to imagine what I would feel if he broke up with me — and I couldn’t answer. I froze. The thing is, I don’t know what I want anymore. I feel hopeless. I try to remember good memories and feel nothing. I used to cry when we said goodbye — now I feel numb. It makes me think that maybe I’ve always been in denial. That maybe everything I believed was love was just me forcing it. And yet… I still don’t want to lose him. But even that feeling feels far away now. These thoughts aren’t just whispers anymore. They feel like truths screaming in my head. “You don’t like him.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just used to him.” “It was all fake.” And I can’t stop ruminating. Every second of my day is consumed with doubt, fear, guilt, sadness, emptiness — and above all, confusion. I just want to know if anyone else has felt this. Felt like they were losing everything, like nothing feels real anymore, like they’re trying so hard to do the right thing and nothing works. I’m trying to sit with the feelings. I’m trying not to seek reassurance. But I also need support. I feel so alone in this. Thank you for reading.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Relationship OCD - PLEASE HELP

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community