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I am so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. Here are a few things to try and help you: 1. You cannot control your thoughts - they come to everyone at random. The only thing that you can control is your response to the thoughts and with OCD this is a challenge - but not impossible. I have learned through ERP that when an intrusive thought comes in I am typically able to do nothing with the thought - no analysis, no arguing, just letting it be there. Does that mean I don’t feel the anxiety? No, I’m the contrary I feel it. I don’t let that bother me. It sucks to feel OCD but I ride the wave. IF I respond I will respond with a non-engagement response - like whatever, or that sounds great. That is it. Nothing else. 2. Please give yourself a lot of compassion. OCD sucks and it a difficult disorder to manage and you are doing the best that you can at this moment. Lots and lots of compassion. Ask yourself - would I treat someone else going through what I am going through right now the same way I am treating myself. If your answer is no, the. You deserve to treat yourself with the same understanding and compassion. 3. Today do something nice for yourself. I hope this helps.

Wow, how to respond. First off, step back, take a few deep breaths, and relax (I know easier said than done but do your best). Relationships are amazing because we are with someone who knows us, and understands us for who we are. They take on not only our love and devotion, they also take on the darkness as well. Some of us cannot help who we are or even what we are due to our genetic predisposition. Sounds like to me your confidence level needs a huge boost and that’s when we lean on our loved ones. They are there to calm us down, try to make us as comfortable as possible without stroking out. He should be the one holding you, comforting you, and making you feel amazing. Have you asked him what his thoughts were when you “aren’t” your best? Have you asked him if what you are thinking, or assuming, he’s feeling about you are true? Communication is first and foremost the glue that holds two people together. With love comes trust, with trust comes understanding, with understanding comes happiness. Are you overcompensating, trying to wear another mask for him? He should be your number one therapist because he knows you best. Sir with him. Talk to him. Make sure he expresses his true feelings about you when you have and episode. If he walks away, at any point, he does not care and does not love you. When people are at their lowest, they are vulnerable, and people will take advantage of that. Just be on guard. You are who you are and he should accept that no matter what, even in your worst moments. I realize it’s difficult, especially when you feel you have no control over your impulses and anxiety. It’s who you are. You sound like an amazing woman and should tell yourself that. No one is perfect however, in your mind, you are perfect in your own special way and he should be telling you that. You need a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a person who brings you joy and happiness. Hang in there kid, things will get better. Be the change you want to be. Crawl, walk, run.

It sounds like maybe that was the wrong therapist or type of therapy for you. But I really highly recommend ERP therapy. It will help with all of the things that you were saying. When you look at the big picture, all of the struggles that you have are OCD. We could talk about each specific struggle, but sometimes it's good to ZOOM out and look at the picture as a whole. With ERP therapy, we learn how to manage all the OCD thoughts and the actions. And then we are ready to treat every little manifestation of OCD that comes up. And that way, you can treat the whole picture. To sum up ERP therapy, it comes down to a few basic principles. We have to learn to ALLOW the thoughts to run freely through our heads without trying to stop them or fight them (which in your case, would you allow the thoughts that you don't love him, for example. However, we also acknowledge that these thoughts are just OCD and therefore meaningless – And so we don't act on them at all. We learn to deny any sort of action that would be a safety behavior based on the thoughts (because those are actually compulsions). So, in your case, it would look like you allowing thoughts of not loving him to circulate in your head, but you don't act on them at all. You continue to live your life exactly the way you want to live it. I can't recommend ERP therapy. No CD does it all the time, and others do it too. It might be something for you to check out.